To think “Family Court” is a joke?

[Bananallama18]

Absolutely appalled at the treatment my husband is experiencing. In 2 years of proceedings, not once has his (extremely bright and articulate) DD been asked her opinion on what she wants. Her mother has prevented her from seeing her dad (or extended family) for 2 years. Ever since we told his ex we were planning to marry. I was never the other woman. Met him over 2 years after they split. It was a casual relationship and he got her pregnant. Accepted the consequences and tried to build a relationship. It didn’t work, they split when the baby was 8m old. He stayed in the area for a further 18m in order to maintain a relationship with his child. When I met him, he was travelling 400+ miles every 4 weeks to collect his child and have her for between 4-14 days (before she went to school) he met me and we slowly built our relationship and gradually introducing me to his dd and him to my (older) dc, all with his exes knowledge. Definitely the turning point was her realisation our relationship was more serious.

Fast forward to now. We have a 9m son of our own and been fighting in court for access to husbands dd. I honestly cannot fathom how it has taken so long and at no point has his ex had to present a single shred of evidence to support her reasons for preventing access. I am at a loss as to why nobody seems to be listening to anyone but the mother. We’ve had 6 different sheriffs preside over the hearings so no one is ever familiar with the case. We’ve been given yet another continuation of one Saturday in every month contact for 6 hours. (We won this last time, with zero contact in between) for another 5 months. I just cannot see that this sudden drop in contact with her father, is possibly in the best interest of the child. We are now £4K in debt and self representing as we have run out of money (ex gets legal aid so can drag it on for as long as she wants)

Please someone tell me how to get somebody to listen?! We have repeatedly asked for CAFCASS intervention but they do not operate in Scotland. SS were due to interview the child but a “mistake” by her solicitor meant that when they arrived, the mother had taken her on holiday and no follow up has been ordered.

The frustration is killing me. It’s been 2 years already and by the time we go back 2 and a half. The stress is unbearable. His DD is distraught at not seeing her daddy. My heart is breaking for them both. Please someone help us. I’ve no idea where to turn.

I agree with flaming but that still leaves us with the big problem that the courts are almost powerless to do much. Some people stick to court orders and others don't. I remember one case in the press where the teenage sons did not want to be with their father and the courts forced that (for some reason the judgment was published). Even there it later came out that they had simply refused to go most of the time and coudl not be forced to do so. I would have hated to be in the court system as there is so much unpredictability to it and no time for people to read documents before hearings, papers go missing etc etc and that presumption that the status quo is usually best as children are used to it which means if anyone breaks the law and a child gets used to the new thing then the courts basically pat the offender on the back and let the child stay with what it is used to (not all the time as the family lawyers on here would tell us but it certainly does happen).

So what can you do? Just proceed with the hearing, see if you can get at least something close to the previous contact or any contact started. She is 8. Our daughter went to her grandparents hundreds of miles away at 8 whom she did not know that well and that worked fine - obviously there everyone involved was in agreement though so it was just a voluntary thing. Travel is very expensive as is accompanying a child so at least at the start perhaps offer to come up to collect her, do initial visits back where she is in Scotland and then build up to taking her at the father's expense to where he lives.

I don't know what age yo um ove schools in Scotland but if it's about 11 like England this is the time the parents should be considering education choices at 11+ too so hopefully some discussion of that can take place too.

what gives you that idea? because op is a step mum and therefore must be a big fat liar?

would you question a mother who was complaining about access? doubt it.

why on earth would someone bother going to court several times for access if they were the kind of person who wasn't going to show etc? Why would you get yourself into 4 grands worth of debt if you weren't going to bother with the contact anyway?

there's not always a back story, sometimes it really is as straightforward as "mum stops access because she is not happy about what dad is doing" and sometimes, that's completely reasonable because what dad is doing might be illegal, or he might legitimately not be able to care for a child.

In this situation, she is not being reasonable at all, and I don't know how anyone can say that she is.

You can't say the mother is not a good woman and your dh is a good man. Thats so black and white. Life is many shades of grey.

Thank you @flamingofridays other posters seem to have forgotten that his entire family are here. His daughter was seeing the entire extended family for 4 years inc grandparents, aunts uncles and cousins. The journeys would still be made regardless if he stayed up there in order to facilitate contact with her WHOLE family. That’s what happened when they were together. They visited on a regular basis. He continued to bring his daughter after they split whilst still living there and commuted back when he moved. People saying about 400 mile trip for his daughter. HE makes the 400 miles. His daughter does half because he picked her up. She stayed with him a minimum of 4 nights (usually 10/14) and traveled back on the 5th day. So she wasn’t subjected to intense travel on one singular day. I’m assuming none of these posters go on holiday because it’s unrealistic for children to travel? 🙄 of course we knew the monthly visits wouldn’t be workable when school started! We thought the deal would just run over into holiday patterns. It changed upon the announcement we were marrying. She did not start school until months later.

I’m not painting my husband as any kind of saint or martyr! He’s a good father that was in an unworkable situation. This woman has threatened my children for fucks sake! When our son was born she changed her daughters name in school to her new boyfriends! This has just happened in August and came to light on this months visit.

I completely understand that people think there’s more to this, there isn’t! She would threaten to withdraw access for ridiculous reasons before she actually did. On one occasion stopped contact because he wouldn’t pay for lip fillers and Botox! On another because she wanted Chanel perfume and an expensive handbag for mother’s day (he told her one of the other so she cancelled Skype that week) the woman is unreasonable beyond measure and I cannot accept that just because she gave birth to a child means she gets to dictate my husbands life forever. His responsibility is to be the best father possible and support his ex with her upbringing. It does not in my opinion condemn him to a life of misery with an unhinged ex.

I highly doubt most men would have moved from a life abroad that he loved to a cliquey Scottish town to support a woman he hardly knew but was pregnant with his child.

I'm confused. He met her abroad, moved to Scotland to be with her, then moved 400 miles away, but you're still in Scotland?

@tedandlola he was living abroad (as was she) and fell pregnant. She told him she was moving back and if he didn’t move with her she would abort. So he moved to Scotland to support her and his child. We now live in NW England.

@Bananallama18

So did the daughter come to your wedding in the end?