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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partners dad to want a key to the house??

47 replies

SometimesAWallflower · 02/10/2018 11:43

So, a little background information. I bought my house when I was single and own it solely. My partner moved in with me earlier this year but hasn't been added to the mortgage, house deeds etc. We are planning on getting married but nothing arranged yet.
Last week I noticed that there was a leak and as my OH's dad was popping round asked him to have a quick look to see whether he could figure out the problem. He couldn't. I have since discovered the problem and confirmed to him what it was, and its an easy fix that I said I could do myself.
However, he went to my OH and got his house key from him, let himself into my house and then told my OH he was going to get himself a key cut 'for future purposes' all without my knowledge.
I'm upset and angry and don't see why he needs a key? I'm also frustrated that all of this happened without my agreement? AIBU??

OP posts:
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 02/10/2018 11:46

Jesus! No you’re really not! I’d change the barrels on the locks if they’re straightforward ones. No way of knowing how many he’s cut. They’re easy to replace yourself.

ChocolateOrIDie · 02/10/2018 11:46

YANBU - its your house, you need to set boundaries though as some families do just pop round to each others houses with their own keys. I wouldn't like that myself though...

MrsStrowman · 02/10/2018 11:46

He's just trying to be helpful surely? The biggest worry I'd have here is you've given rights to your home to someone who hasn't contributed to it and you're not even married!

Snomade · 02/10/2018 11:46

I would not be happy!

MrsStrowman · 02/10/2018 11:47

My parents have keys to our house, so do PIL, my brother and SIL and our cat sitter... It's been very useful at times 🤷

Original poster
SometimesAWallflower · 02/10/2018 11:47

Thanks both, I'm a bit upset about it all. I'm quite independent and can do odd jobs around the house myself. But the fact that it was all done without my knowledge worries me.
I know that he has the best intentions, it hasn't been done maliciously but its made me really uncomfortable. I'm meant to be seeing them this weekend but don't want to now...

OP posts:
Whipsmart · 02/10/2018 11:48

He KNOWS he'\s unreasonable, that's why he didn;t mention it to you!

pigsDOfly · 02/10/2018 11:49

What the hell. Tell your OH to get the key back from his dad and tell him he mustn't a key cut to your house.

If he has a problem with this I'd be changing the locks and I'm not sure I'd be giving my OH a key if he's going to give it to his dad without your say so.

It's not his place to go giving out keys to your house.

AlphaBravo · 02/10/2018 11:49

"I'd like the spare key back thanks, for insurance purposes you can't keep one"

Tbh if my BF did that and didn't see the issue with it he wouldn't be my BF much longer.

Original poster
SometimesAWallflower · 02/10/2018 11:50

@MrsStrowman My parents and brother have a key to my house which is for emergencies which I gave permission for, and I think that it is sensible. I'm more just concerned that this was all done without my permission.
In terms of giving rights to my home when we're not married doesn't worry me, maybe it should?

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 02/10/2018 11:50

Change the locks. I actually hate the idea of anybody besides me & DP having a key, it took me ages to leave one with a trusted friend for emergencies. The fact he did it without your knowledge or consent weirds me out tbh

justilou1 · 02/10/2018 11:50

Nope! No way! Get it from him ASAP!!!

FullOfJellyBeans · 02/10/2018 11:51

YANBU that's really overstepping the mark. OH needs to put a stop to it.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 02/10/2018 11:51

I would have a huge problem with him going to your OH and telling him he was doing something for your property. It's not necessarily a bad thing him having a key for emergencies, but he should have asked you, as the home owner, if you would find that helpful.

Original poster
SometimesAWallflower · 02/10/2018 11:51

@AlphaBravo Thanks - my OH has agreed it was not on and agreed to speak to his dad about it, I just feel really uncomfortable. FIL sprung it on him and didn't really give my OH an opportunity to say no at the time.

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 02/10/2018 11:53

@SometimesAWallflower when you added him to the deeds etc you have him the same rights as you, which you're clearly not comfortable with, it's not your sole house anymore, it belongs to both of you, so if you can give a key to your parents he can give one to his.
You've worked hard for your home and just gave away half of it with no legal security, to me this is more of a worry than DPs dad having a key to sort out any emergencies he can help with

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 02/10/2018 11:53

Now I see the extra post where there are already spare keys for emergencies. Nope, get the key back from OH's dad, tell him you are already covered for emergencies.

sparklepops123 · 02/10/2018 11:53

Ask him for a key to his house

Original poster
SometimesAWallflower · 02/10/2018 11:54

@ MrsStrowman He hasn't been added to the deeds or anything. It is still solely in my name.

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 02/10/2018 11:54

Sorry completely misread your OP!! I thought DP HAD been added to the deeds and mortgage, if he hasn't scrap everything I said it's your home, your call.

Pissedoffdotcom · 02/10/2018 11:55

MrsStrowman OPs OH hasn't been added to the mortgage or the deeds. So she hasn't signed anything away?

auntyflonono · 02/10/2018 11:55

You have given your house to someone!

Pissedoffdotcom · 02/10/2018 11:55

😂 major cross post

Cindersdonegood · 02/10/2018 11:56

My mum and inlaws have a key each for my house but only on the understanding that they're never used unless it's at mine or DH's request in an emergency.

If you don't want anyone to have a key for your house it's completely and utterly your choice. You can either ask for the key back or agree for him to hold a spare on the understanding and agreement by him that the key is never ever used without prior consent by you on a case to case basis. Whichever you choose, be straightforward about it. Tell him you're not comfortable with anyone having potential access to your house and tell him to return the key.
If you suspect he is going to ignore your requests, then just change the locks and tell your DP that if his key finds it's way to his dad's house then he can bloody well join it.

auntyflonono · 02/10/2018 11:56

Sorry, cross post!