Who is BU, DH or me?

[pissedoff11]

Have nc'd for this as fully prepared to be told that I am BU.

If DH gets up before me, he asks if I want my phone which is usually charging on the unit he walks past to get to the bathroom.

As he takes it off charge he will glance at the screen as it flashes up & say "oh you've got a message from your mum/X/Y/Z" & throw me the phone.

I also receive work notifications through the night.

Anyway, this morning, he took ages reading the screen and wouldn't hand my phone to me - I asked if there was any issues with my business. He didn't answer. So I got up & took it off him.

A friend of a friend had invited me to their bday meal & I had loads of group messages from people I didn't know, which he was scrolling through.

Anyway, because I "grabbed" it & didn't let him read all of the messages, he's now lost the plot with me as to why am I acting so suspiciously all of a sudden.

FWIW, he has full access to my phone, iPad, laptop, all passwords etc.

He's gone to work, I'm now in tears. Do I owe him an apology or is he being U?

I'm disappointed that you felt the need to grovel apologise. I did a double-take when I read that he, acting like the victim, was going to accept your apology with good grace.

I put that together with (1) your confusion about whether you were right or wrong (2) your low self-esteem (3) your need to appease him and I saw red flags, warning signs of gaslighting.

You may continue to have low self esteem, confusion and see everything as your fault until you face some unpalatable truths about your man. He's bad for your mental health.

Right. After your update if he mentions it again you now hold the moral high ground.
Tell him he is rude. You stated your reasons why you did as you did, but since he can't drop the subject and is implying wrong doing by yourself and is so quick to jump to the wrong conclusions. Is there anything he has done wrong that he wants to confess...
Then just wait and look him in the eye....

you may continue to have low self esteem, confusion and see everything as your fault until you face some unpalatable truths about your man. He's bad for your mental health

^^this - with bells on!

I also agree re the gaslighting.....interesting how you didn't feel like you were owed an apology by him or that you have done nothing to warrant him ever being suspicious of you.

Turn the lock screen notifications off and yes he's being unreasonable.

I'm glad he's apologised, and glad you can see your friend tonight and get a break from him. If he starts again, just keep in mind the backing you've had on this thread - you're totally in the right. Good luck :)

Yanbu. It's odd that he wants to read your messages.