Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should I get DSs haircut?

54 replies

overagain · 01/10/2018 13:08

More a WWYD, rather than AIBU.

DS is 2.5 and has very slow growing hair. At the back it is now shoulder length, just about but at the front he looks like he has a receding hairline. The top is somewhere in the middle. I was similar at his age and have slow - normal hair growth now.

DH thinks we should cut it. I don't think it's necessary. He doesn't get mistaken for a girl (and what if he did?) and it's easy to maintain and doesn't get in his eyes.

DS couldn't care less. He has absolutely no option on the matter.

I'm very much of the opinion that kids DSs age have no choice in some things (teeth cleaning, being in his carseat in the car and medical stuff), limited choice in others (getting dressed, having nappy changed etc) and almost total choice in others (whether to eat the meal in front of him, what toys to play with out of the selection available, what TV show to watch during screen time). I think hair cutting falls in to the latter for me, unless it causes and issue for him that he cannot understand, which it currently isn't (no comments from peers etc).

DHs reasoning is simple - it's long, it needs cutting, it looks a bit unruly.

So we are at a stalemate. WWYD?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/10/2018 13:18

By your logic though he also can’t choose to keep it long. 2 is to young to make any decisions like that really!

Neither of you are right or wrong. Personally if it is getting unruly I would at least get it trimmed

DinoGreen · 01/10/2018 13:19

I think you’re being a bit ridiculous tbh. Long hair for boys is very MN trendy at the moment, personally I prefer short hair on DS and until he’s old enough to have an opinion I’ll decide for him. If your DS’s hair looks scruffy and it’s mismatched because it’s longer at the back than at the front then I think you should cut it - let it grow again when it’s grown longer at the front if you like it long.

TeeBee · 01/10/2018 13:20

Cut it.

FullOfJellyBeans · 01/10/2018 13:22

But if DS doesn't care I don't see the issue in cutting it. If he was adamant he wants it long I'd be inclined to let him but if he doesn't care I think it's fine to neaten it up.

Original poster
overagain · 01/10/2018 13:22

DinoGreen I like it as it is, DH doesn't. Which is why we are this stalemate! I don't think it looks bad. No one else has commented other than "he has hair now", as he spent a very long time bald!

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 01/10/2018 13:30

The barber told me when it's long, the ends get dryer and more roughed up and tangles much more easily. So when it's shorter, you have a healthy clean end to each hair and it can move past the other hairs more easily.

I found that cutting it made my sons' fine wispy hair seem thicker and more manageable, and it also seemed to grow much faster. It may be easier to maintain now, but quite soon those fine thin ends will start tangling up and then your DS will be screaming bloody murder as you try to get a knot out of his hair. I won't even mention the frustration of nit combing when the hair is long and baby-fine at the end other than to hope you never have to do it.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 01/10/2018 13:32

Kids still get split end. It at least needs trimmed.

Does it not look sort of like a mullet?

Original poster
overagain · 01/10/2018 13:39

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter it does look a little like a mullet I guess. But I don't really see the issue.

Xiaoxiong it's exactly the same as my hair, very fine and silky and poker straight, it doesn't get knotted. I can go days without brushing it and have no issues. My own doesn't get cut more than once a year unless I want a change of style, otherwise it gets shorter due to the slow growth rate. I don't get split ends unless I treat it badly.

OP posts:
Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 01/10/2018 13:42

You might care, and you won might see the issue, when he looks back at photos of his hair being unkempt.

SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 01/10/2018 13:44

If it's all different lengths and he's got a receding hairline it probably looks a bit odd. Will it do any harm to cede to your DH and have it trimmed? It will grow back and will probably look more tidy and thick. You don't need to get a buzzcut just a trim.

GinIsIn · 01/10/2018 13:47

Hair length is a red herring here though, isn't it - hair that's any length can look nice if it's well looked after, but if it's some kind of weird, uneven mullet then yes - you should cut it.

We like DS's hair a bit longer, but he too has grown a mullet so we are getting it cut to even it out before letting it grow again. Wouldn't that be more sensible than it being all different mullety lengths?

Original poster
overagain · 01/10/2018 13:50

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter it looks exactly like mine at that age! Getting it cut will just make him look bald, which I think will look worse on photos (it's super fine and very very fair, so doesn't come out well on photos, almost downy).

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter I haven't stopped DH taking him, I just haven't taken him myself. If I came home tonight and DH had taken him I wouldn't be bothered but I don't see why I should take him. I have said that to DH, he just hasn't done anything about it but does mention it from time to time. If he's bothered, he should take him.

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 01/10/2018 13:53

Hmmm. Seems to me you have three options:

Ask DH what he thinks DS' optimum hair length would be. Then cut it half way between the current length, your preference and DH's preferred length, his preference. In other words compromise.

Cut it to DH's preference on condition that next time you have a difference of opinion he will 'credit' you with a 'trade'. Ie he will let you have your preference.

Leave it as it is and be prepared to let DH have his preference next time you have a difference of opinion.

Think long term though! His hair will grow, albeit slowly.

Original poster
overagain · 01/10/2018 13:56

rogueantimatter if DH wants to take him to get it cut then DH can choose how it is cut. I actually don't care (until DS states a preference). I just don't see the need to take him and so I am not doing. I have not forbid DH to take him. DH says "we need to get his hair cut" and I say "I don't see the need but if you want to go for it". Last night DH said I should take him to get it cut, which is what led to this thread.

OP posts:
SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 01/10/2018 13:58

Ah then that's a whole different story. Yes if DH wants his hair cut then DH takes him to get his hair cut.

rogueantimatter · 01/10/2018 14:23

Ahh.

Hmmm.

What is DH's issue with him taking DS to get a cut?

Original poster
overagain · 01/10/2018 14:36

rogueantimatter says he doesn't have time (which due to current things we have going on is true, we have minimal family time right now) but I also suspect it is because he'll be calmer for me. I don't see why if he wants it doing it can't wait until he has more free time (about a month).

OP posts:
fieryginger · 01/10/2018 14:42

You'll be glad when you do cut it. It'll be that same cheeky face. It will make him look more grown up though. This is my experience with boys and their hair.

My DS did grow his hair right through his life (he has a man bun now and I would like him to have it cut into a "normal" shape - no way though).

Jellycatspyjamas · 01/10/2018 14:42

I really couldn’t be arsed with the drama tbh, if his hair is untidy and uneven I’d get it cut - a good cut does help hair grow thicker. If your DH genuinely doesn’t have time and you’re not bothered about whether it gets cut, I’d just take him. Of all the things you’ll disagree about in parenting, this just isn’t the hill I’d want to die on.

rogueantimatter · 01/10/2018 14:45

Now we're getting somewhere. Tbh, your OP made it seem like the problem was the hair, not the allocation of parental tasks.

You posted a detailed account of why he doesn't need a cut. Which makes me wonder if your issue is a mix of wanting your DH to take the time to so this, seeing as it's only him who wants it done, or if you genuinely do have an issue with not having your preference.

What makes you think your DS might not be calm at rhe hairdresser?

Do you have the time to take him?

Are you annoyed that he isn't being completely honest about his motives for asking you to do it?

Original poster
overagain · 01/10/2018 14:48

Cutting hair does not make it grow thicker. That is a total old wives tale (as someone with a lifetime of thin hair, I have tried everything). I'm not taking him. I don't see the need, I'm not spending my money on getting something unnecessary done. DH can if he wants. DH finds time to get his own hair cut. If he is really bothered, he'll find time to do this.

OP posts:
rogueantimatter · 01/10/2018 15:20

FWIW, I also have straight fine hair. Trimming it blunts the ends which gives the illusion of thickness.

Is this sort of stalemate a frequent thing?

I see your point. Although, I'm also curious as to whether you would take him if your DH were to pay for it. Is he stingy?

gamerwidow · 01/10/2018 15:24

Having all your posts yanbu. If it bothers your DH he can get his hair cut. It makes no difference to your DS whatsoever.

gamerwidow · 01/10/2018 15:26

Don’t back down on this unless you want a lifetime of hair cuts and trips the doctors/ dentist etc to become your assumed responsibility.

Jeanclaudejackety · 01/10/2018 15:35

Sounds like he has a mullet tbh