AIBU?
To pull ds out of starting this nursery because I'm scared he will choke.
WrathBaby · 01/10/2018 11:08
So there's no drip feeding going on: DS (2.5) is under a consultant paediatrician because she thinks he may be autistic (she diagnosed his older sister) He is not talking.
My main concern: DS eats properly at times, but we've found we always have to slice some of his food up (such as apples, pears) into either circular slices or sticks, as he will just keep shoving it in his mouth without chewing or swallowing and then screaming. He has choked twice before (not gagged), and that was with being careful.
We have just taken him in for his induction today, at a nursery that came highly recommended to us by professionals involved with DS. We have previously visited and the staff and setting are lovely.
However, the children are given free access to choose whole pieces of fruit in the room. Ds chose an apple while we were filling in paperwork. I was unsure as I was filling it in because I was told that they don't cut up their blueberries.
I came out to him looking at me wide eyed, mouth open and a mouth full of apple. I slapped his back and he spat it out, but the staff member sitting at the table with him didn't say a word or do anything.
I'm shaking and have told DH I don't want him to go. DD's nursery always sliced fruit. DH thinks I'm overreacting and he'll be fine.
I do have diagnosed autism myself and choking is one of my obsessions so I know I may be being unreasonable. I just couldn't live with myself if he did choke, and I know I could take him to a nursery who does slice fruit.
So AIBU and completely batshit to look for a different nursery?
MynameisJune · 01/10/2018 11:12
Nope I’d look for a new nursery. DD’s nursery cuts grapes up and don’t give blueberries to the babies. They also cut up fruit, the children can choose what they want but the nursery workers cut them up before they are allowed them.
TeddyIsaHe · 01/10/2018 11:13
I absolutely would not leave dd anywhere where she was choking/gagging and the staff did nothing! So no, I don’t think you’re batshit in the slightest. Go with the other nursery.
Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 01/10/2018 11:15
Was he actually choking?
It sounds like he was just eating with supervision.
The thing is, if you're this concerned and worried, you'll not be happy with any nursery. You need to be able to walk away knowing he's okay and if you can't do that filling in paperwork then how will you last a day?
Did you tell them before this they need to cut his food?
KC225 · 01/10/2018 11:15
If this nursery has been recommended by professionals dealing with your son, its a shame if you don't feel comfortable with the level of care. Did you speak to anyone at the end of the induction day?
Allthewaves · 01/10/2018 11:15
He had a mouth full of Apple- was he actually choking. If never cut bluberries but didn't give them to kids until they were over two.
Why don't u ask for an appointment with manager and discuss your concerns.
WrathBaby · 01/10/2018 11:16
Oh thank god for that!
Yes, he was choking. It has happened twice before. No noise coming out, obviously in a lot of distress, wide eyes and open mouth. He did cough it out quickly.
I've already started to draw up a list of other nurseries to visit, including the one that dd went to. Just with how ds is I can't see how access to hard fruit uncut all day long is going to work.
kaytee87 · 01/10/2018 11:16
If the apple was in his mouth then he wasn't choking surely? It has to be stuck in their windpipe for them to choke?
How did he fit a whole apple in his mouth? I can't even do that? It must have been sliced already. There really is no need to slice blueberries so I wouldn't be concerned about that at all.
Have you discussed your concerns with the nursery?
WrathBaby · 01/10/2018 11:18
I did mention DS's problems with uncut apple but they just sort of shrugged it off, said they hear that all the time and he'd be fine.
Shednik · 01/10/2018 11:18
I would expect that if he needs fruit cutting up, because of an individual need, you would produce a care plan with the nursery.
Whole pieces of fruit are less of a choking risk than sliced and I've never seen anyone chop up blueberries. Grapes and cherry tomatoes, yes.
It sounds like he was just gagging, not choking, which is how babies and children learn not to choke. It's the body's defence mechanism.
I wouldn't expect anyone to intervene if a child is gagging as there's no need. Also, you were present.
However, if he is unable to learn this due to his additional needs, you need to discuss his needs with nursery.
Twickerhun · 01/10/2018 11:18
Would you be better with a child minder who may be able to deal with individual issues better?
WrathBaby · 01/10/2018 11:20
No, it wasn't sliced, he had the whole thing in his hand.
What he does is bite large chunks of it off, then instead of chewing and swallowing he keeps biting large chunks off and keeping them in his mouth. Then when he goes to scream he ends up choking.
I don't know why, but he doesn't do it with slices or sticks of fruit, only when he has the whole thing.
Shednik · 01/10/2018 11:20
So do the nursery know that he has SEN?
The response to your concern is fine with a child who has no additional needs but not in the context of SEN.
WrathBaby · 01/10/2018 11:27
I hadn't considered a childminder, thanks I'll have a look.
Missingstreetlife · 01/10/2018 11:37
Also discuss with the people who reccomended the nursery
PattiStanger · 01/10/2018 11:40
You don't need to justify any reason not to choose a particular nursery, if you don't trust them move on and find one you do
AjasLipstick · 01/10/2018 11:40
You need to make an appointment to discuss his need prior to enrolling him in any nursery OP. He will need more care taking and if and when you find a place you're happy with, then you will know.
I wouldn't personally allow a room full of 2 year olds free access to hard fruit and that's without any having potential ASD!
I'm far from over-cautious but would offer cut up fruit every time to children this small.
Gilead · 01/10/2018 11:44
I did mention DS's problems with uncut apple but they just sort of shrugged it off, said they hear that all the time and he'd be fine.
This is not good enough, it's rude and dismissive and means they're not listening to your valid concerns. As the parent of three (now adult) children with an ASC, I would recommend you look elsewhere.
Sleepyblueocean · 01/10/2018 11:51
I have an older child with asd and sld who does the same sort of thing with food. He has whole fruit at school but is closely watched whilst he is eating it with staff intervening if he is not chewing before putting more in which he still does sometimes when he is anxious ( sensory seeking probably).
I wouldn't be happy with the response you were given.
AamdC · 01/10/2018 11:56
My 8 yr old has autism and learning disabillities he used to over fill his mouth when eating nursery need ro be aware of this and supervise him .
abacucat · 01/10/2018 11:56
Very hard to tell remotely if YABU. You say yourself you are obsessed about choking. Plus the worker did not seem concerned. And maybe more tellingly your DH was not concerned. So yes it might be you. But as your DS has SEN it is impossible for any of us to know. Maybe something to discuss with the medics who care for your DS?
littledinaco · 01/10/2018 11:59
It sounds like his oral sensory needs are t being met, hence the desire for him to stuff his mouth full with large bits! There are lots of games to can get him to play to give him tbd oral stimulation he needs, also use chew toys/chew necklace.
In the meantime, will the nursery not just cut up the fruit if you ask?
ladybirdsaredotty · 01/10/2018 12:16
Came on to say that uncut fruit (not grapes/cherry tomatoes, though) is generally safer but it does sound like that may not be the case for your son (obviously depending on what the professionals who know him say). I work with children with SEND and we would absolutely listen to your concerns and come up with a suitable written plan of supervision/actions to take regarding him and fruit etc, to be updated as required. They should also do a risk assessment I would have thought.
ladybirdsaredotty · 01/10/2018 12:17
Ah yes, agree with the poster above re. sensory needs. An OT would be able to advise on this sort of thing.
PorkFlute · 01/10/2018 12:18
My dc who has asd has similar food issues. The did chew but wouldn’t swallow between mouthfuls so would keep packing and packing food in. It sounds like rather than being given cut up food your dc could do with being prompted to chew and swallow what is in his mouth?
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