To want a Christmas Day fully at home.

[JKCR2017]

I’ve asked this before but still haven’t sorted this out. Basically every year we visit the in laws and my parents & grandparents on Christmas Day before getting DS back to go his dads. Christmas Day is exhausting. Me & OH have been tougher for 6 years and we’ve never had a fully Christmas Day together not having to drive everywhere with DC aged 7&3. The in laws live 8 miles away and my family 10 miles away which isn’t far really but still takes up a considerable chunk of the day.

We have the young DC and they don’t even get chance to look at any of their presents until Boxing Day as it’s too busy and I’m exhausted by the end of it. It seems so unfair!

Luckily we’ve had a chat with my Mil and she understands! But my parents cannot accept it. Thinking we should all be together at Christmas. There will be 9 people there at my mums on Christmas Day and I find it too much as does DS who has additional needs and gets overwhelmed easily.

I’ve told people they can come to us to visit on Christmas Day or we will see them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day!

Surely I’m not a bad Person for wanting one single Christmas at home? In my own home??

MulticolourMophead - hope your Christmas will be peaceful and that your mum will still be around to enjoy it.

YANBU.

We’ve tried to mix it up the last few years so there are no expectations. Last year had the ILs round, we’ve also had the day on our own and at my DMs, and at the ILs; another year we had some “Christmas orphans” round. This year I think it’ll be on our own again for a year and I can’t wait! We always see both families over the Christmas period just not necessarily on the day - families live opposite ends of the country. We’ve also had years where we make a royal progression around the country which is tiring!

Stick to what you decide on and everyone will get used to it! Good luck!

That sounds like hell OP. When my two were tiny I said the same thing as my mother said back in the day, ‘All are welcome here, but I’m going nowhere.’ For a few years it was MIL, SiL and her family or my crew. Last year it was just MIL. This year it’s my crew. SIL’s lot are now teenagers and don’t want to be hauling to ours where there are smaller people which I understand. I know MIL would prefer it if there was a big gang, and would prefer it in SIL’s house but this lady isn’t for turning for at least another 3 years and nor is DH as he thinks my Christmas dinner is the best .

YADNBU! I've put my foot down this year and said it'll just be my family of 5 in our home, then anyone is welcome to call in. I'm fed up of travelling on Christmas Day! My eldest is 11 this Christmas and I've only had 1 Christmas Day where I've stayed at home. It's ridiculous and adds so much stress to what should be a lovely day. Not sure how it'll go with in laws though, they won't let the kids have their presents at our house as they want to see them open them I find that quite selfish, but DP doesn't see anything wrong with it.

We have 2 small children, the oldest of whom is just this year old enough to understand the concept of Father Christmas. We're staying home from now on. The in-laws will probably alternate between visiting us and visiting DH's brother. My family live 4 hours away so I'll see them the weekend before or after. I like my in-laws and they're welcome here but will enjoy every other Christmas with just the 4 of us.

Yanbu we had this for years until I thought I might go mad shuttling in between houses.
The first year of saying no was the worst as we were continuously hassled, but we stuck to our guns and now both families know we have Christmas at home. They are welcome to join us, but we stay put. It is lovely!

I feel your pain OP. My PIL expect us to come to them every Christmas day and then attend a party at his Aunt's house every Boxing day that goes on all day and all evening. We've invited them to us but they won't budge. They've had the same routine for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day for over 35 years and refuse to vary it but expect everyone else to fall in line. Because the rest of the family go along with it we're made to feel like we're unreasonable if we want to do our own thing or to to my family.

This year I'm putting my foot down. Am currently 37 weeks with DC2 and there's no way I'm carting a tiny baby and an over-excited 5 yo about to please PIL's. Will be telling them they're welcome to come to us (they won't) or we'll either visit them Christmas Eve or see them at DH's Aunt's on Boxing Day for a couple of hours. There will be lots of sulking and attempts to guilt trip us into compliance but I'm determined not to give in.

Thank you. All so encouraging. I am hoping my mum will accept it. As children me and my brother used to spend Christmas without mother and our grandparents and uncles but my mother was a single parent (we didn’t see our dad either) and my grandparents live 30 seconds away from my mum. Myself and OH have been togeher for six years and have two DC aged 7&3 and we’ve never had a Christmas at home. Not a single one...

We see them a lot in the year so I’m hoping she will understand how I would love a Christmas at home. DC have never had a chilled Christmas at home. It’s always go go go!

My mother will have her hubby, my teenage siblings, my grandparents and my uncles so she’s not short of guests at Christmas!!

My in-laws always host so I have decided to put my foot down and stay home some years as I don't want to be obliged to travel every year.

Do it. We had a similar issue when dd was tiny. We didn't want her to feel lonely with just us 3 so carted all to my mums every year. Eventually we said it's too much and now dd is 12 we're having my mum n stepdad (not the entire fam, too chaotic) one day and pil the other.
It's hard.
They'll get over it and you've given enough notice.
My issue is sil is a narc. She's not crossing the threshold this year, but pil seem to be thinking she is because oh hasn't told them. I've made it crystal clear to him.
Hope all goes well

Thanks for the good wishes about mum, I'm kind of hoping she's going to be a bit of a creaking gate for a little while longer.

I'm hoping it's not too selfish to hope mum doesn't pass at Xmas.

It'll be a quiet Xmas this year, and not just for this reason, but we're working towards a better year and Xmas next year.

Meanwhile, OP, you are definitely not a bad person for wanting to be at home, there is something so nice about snuggling up with no pressure to get dressed, go out and do something.

Unless abroad on holiday we always have Christmas Day at home with just OH, 2 DS and me.

No you’re no being unreasonable we are the ones that have always been expected to travel we used to spend most of Boxing Day travelling between inlaws and parents. The year DS was born we put our foot down and spend Christmas Day on our own. Everyone else can lump it or visit us

We had this many years ago before children and when the DC were small. After 6 years of Christmas at the inlaws (my family never got a look in as DH is an only child) I put my foot down and said I wanted Christmas at home now we had little ones, and anyone who wanted to was welcome to join us. Well it went down like a lead balloon but everyone came to us (including MY family) and it's been like that for 25 years! Now the kids are adults and living their own lives, we want Christmas dinner out at a local hotel - cue much gnashing and wailing from family, but I don't care. If they don't want to come they don't have to! Stick to your guns OP and have the Christmas you want.

Always have Christmas Day at home with husband and kids. No driving, no visitors, watch what we want in TV, eat when we want and relax. Boxing Day, Christmas Eve can be shared with others ~ and New Year. Can't see how catering for loads of visitors, tidying up after or driving around unable to drink is anything other than exhausting (even though I love my extended family loads)

We pull up the (metaphorical) drawbridge on Christmas Eve and lower it again on 27th. No-one comes in or out. It’s bliss.

We have open house here. Any one can come as long as they give notice, help out with any cooking needed and they chill. I put my foot down as soon as I had children and expect my children to do the same. Children do not get moved on xmas day -that's the deal.

To be really brutal, it’s none of your mum’s business if you decide to stay at home. She can’t control you, just her reaction to your plans. Crack on and have a relaxed day and if she gets a snit on just unplug your phone.

I hate xmas in someone elses home

My husbands family literally made me hate xmas.

we have refused to participate now.

The over the top drama of who is going where, and the eight hours of sitting on someone elses sofa watching their choice of tele...why the hell does anyone think this is fun