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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Truly annoyed

33 replies

Radom · 30/09/2018 17:19

To be truly annoyed at our daughter who is 13 today I gave up doing anything for my birthday last week so she could can a party with 11 of her friends as where she wanted it couldn’t do this week then took her shopping on Friday for her presents so today as just been at home which I thought that’s ok husband booked the weekend off as works a lot of them we said no to having a friend here as told her we wanted a family weekend at home thought we could watch films or play games etc no sitting in her bedroom on FaceTime instead all day really feels husband ha she’s wasted holidays for no reason!!

OP posts:
MsOliphant · 30/09/2018 17:22

You need some full stops in there.

So she’s thirteen and wants to see her friends at the weekend?Confused so?

FuckyDuzz · 30/09/2018 17:23
Confused
Bestseller · 30/09/2018 17:24

I can't really understand dyou post the ut the gist seems to be that you're annoyed with DD for being 13. As parents, we have to remember who the grownup is and embrace the unconditional love thing. They come through it.

AnnabelTheAntelope · 30/09/2018 17:25

That is quite rude of her; to sit on FaceTime all day when your dh has taken the weekend off so he can spend her birthday with her. I don’t know how to handle it as teenage years aren’t really on my radar yet, but no, yanbu to be miffed.

TurnipCake · 30/09/2018 17:26

You're blaming a 13 year old for behaving like a 13 year old!

HildaZelda · 30/09/2018 17:27

And breathe! Confused

SuchAToDo · 30/09/2018 17:27

What kind of games did you expect her to play?

What films did you want to.watch?..

Did you actually ask her what family activity she might like to do?

Why does it bother you that she is face timing her friend?...she is home like you wanted, she hasn't had her friend at the house like you wanted..did you expect her to sit all day in the same room as you ?..she's a teenager, of course she will want space to herself and to.chat to her friends..

sleepless19 · 30/09/2018 17:28

If I was 13 and made to stay home for "family time" on my birthday I'd do the same as her and sit in my bedroom. If your DH has used holiday, why not make the most of it and go out somewhere? It doesn't have to cost much or anything at all.
Or maybe if you'd said yes to a friend coming over they would have been more likely to join in games with you or watch films. Just because she's had a separate party doesn't mean she shouldn't have fun on her actual birthday too

PoshPenny · 30/09/2018 17:29

Go tell her and get her in the room with you! You need to tell her not us!!

TokyoSushi · 30/09/2018 17:30

YABU. 'Family time' was never going to work for a 13 year old, I would have planned to do something, even if it was lunch/cinema etc.

SauvignonBlanche · 30/09/2018 17:33

Thirteen year old acts like a teenager - shock!

Original poster
Radom · 30/09/2018 17:38

We didn't go out as we spent 113 pounds on a party for her last weekend with all her friends and we was more than willing to let her pick the film or she quite often plays board games as a family again would let her pick and yes I totally get being a teenager is about friends hence a party with 11 of them on my birthday and then I took her shopping for presents so enough as been spent without going out so just because she's 13 I'm not allowed to expect to spend time with her unless we are out somewhere then?

OP posts:
smallchanceofrain · 30/09/2018 17:40

Welcome to the world of teenagers. Friends can seem to become much more important to them than family. I guess it's just part of distancing themselves as they develop independence. By the time my eldest was 15 it was like we barely existed sometimes - other than to annoy him / thwart his plans!

My youngest was 13 yesterday and chose to spend his birthday gaming, bowling and eating pizza with his friends. I thought we might have a family day today but instead he chose to spend time with the same group of friends. I'm focusing on the positives - he's happy, healthy, has friends and they're all good kids.

saganorenscarandcoat · 30/09/2018 17:40

Get some full stops in place OP, your post is so difficult to read.

MsOliphant · 30/09/2018 17:42

Just use punctuation

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 30/09/2018 17:42

Like PP said this is natural 13 year old behaviour she's moving away from her family towards her friends. I think it's easier to plan something to do together away from the house so it's less tempting for her to just disappear to her room.

pictish · 30/09/2018 17:45

Teens are typically far more interested and motivated by friendships than family...but you are still not being unreasonable to expect her to have enough regard for you to spend a few hours with her parents without buggering off to FaceTime her pals.

Posters here seems to think teens need not have any manners but I disagree. You are worthy of respect just the same as anyone.

Original poster
Radom · 30/09/2018 17:46

Sorry about not putting full stops.as I say I totally get the teenage years are about friends as I was exactly the same so try to remember that. But her friends to be honest showed me up at the party and back chatted me which if I'm honest was a shit birthday for me. But hey she's my girl and her birthday definitely more important than mine but would hope I'm was raising a girl with some consideration that's all just cause I'm an adult not allowed to be disspointed that's all!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Radom · 30/09/2018 17:48

Thank you Pictish that sums it up.

OP posts:
KenDoddsDadsDogIsDead · 30/09/2018 17:48

She is 13. Life is short... Perhaps let it go.

ApolloandDaphne · 30/09/2018 17:49

What sort of party did you do for her? At 13 mine went to Pizza Express with their mates and i just gave them money. No way would they have wanted me there. They grew out of that stage eventually but at 13/14/15 they just don't want their parents around.

Original poster
Radom · 30/09/2018 17:53

She had a pool party at a hotel we sat away from the table where they had the food etc. don't get me wrong there was some really nice girls to who made a point of talking to us and thanking us which I thought was really sweet but really it's just manners guess I'm expecting to much just just tell her do what she wants cause she's a teenager.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 30/09/2018 17:59

There will always be some nice girls and some less lovely girls in her friendship group. She will whittle them down eventually to the ones she really likes and hopefully will keep the nice ones!

Also the room lurking is a stage they go through. My DD2 is a room lurker. Even now at age 20 she likes to hang out on her own in her room when she is home from uni. It is just who she is. When she wants to be sociable she comes and joins us. I would let it go personally.

Original poster
Radom · 30/09/2018 18:05

I have let it go as such hence moaning on here and not at her as don't want to spoil her birthday. But I'm sorry I'm not teaching her the only time she should spend time with us is when we are spending money on her going out etc it shouldn't work like that. I'm not asking for every weekend she's allowed out etc just wanted a few hours on her birthday after she already did the main thing with friends.

OP posts:
MsOliphant · 30/09/2018 18:07

I wouldn’t want to be spending time with a thirteen year old I’d guilted into spending time with me to be honest. That’s no fun for anybody.