Who pays for travel for contact?

[SaveElsa]

Mum and dad split up- Mum moved 5 miles from joint house (15 min drive) Dad moved 12 miles away (40 min drive)

Mum has child Monday after school- Friday school drop off.
Dad has child Friday after school - Monday school drop off.

Dad does 100% of picking up dropping off as moved further away.
Dad pays maintenance to Mum plus splits costs of child related expenses- ie. uniform, school trips etc.

Is it unreasonable to expect Mum to share car journeys occasionally? Or is it entirely dads responsibility?

Depends on how much maintenance is being paid but if it's correct split in all other aspects then travel is 50/50

The overall mileage and difference in mileage is so small i wouldnt give a fuck. I think youd have to be very petty arguing about it

I think it’s fair to split the travel if expenses of the child are split evenly.

So few miles in it I couldn't be bothered having the conversation about it!

How does it take 40 minutes to drive 12 or even 17 miles? The mileage in this scenario is so minimal it's not even worth a conversation

It's not about the money at the moment- dad just wants Mum to do a drop off or pick up occasionally due to work etc but she refuses.
For example- if dad can't pick up straight from school Friday due to work (which is closer) he picks him up at 6/7 as Work is 40 mins in opposite direction. But Mum refuses to help and drop off when that happens

What on earth does the amount of maintenance being paid have to do with it! Unless there are court orders stipulating differently surely parents just share the driving. I work as a mediator with separated families, I am so glad I don't work in the UK as the money = access thing seems to be such a big deal. The Australian system isn't perfect by any means but it does try to give children the right to have a relationship with BOTH of their parents. It doesn't stop mums and dads both playing silly buggers but there seems to be at least an attempt at equality that just doesn't exist in the UK.

So the custody arrangement is from Friday after school, to Monday before school. Mum picks up/drops off Monday night to Friday morning- and you and the dad have an issue with this? Would you be willing to do some of the in week pick up drop off too then to make it 'fair'?

Sorry- and when dad can't maintain his commitment, and Mum is willing to have the child after school on a Friday- instead of having dad need to use after school care- she should then take the child to the fathers? Erm. No.

@SD1978
Mum isn't willing to keep son Friday. Dad doesn't want her to anyway.

Weekly drop offs at school aren't possible due to the 40 minute drive.

So when you say dad does 100% of pick ups and drop offs you mean he does all ten? Or drops off Monday and picks up Friday i.e. 2 out of the 10? And can't manage 2 per week?

Whatever you do the only thing that matters is what is best for the child.

The mum does all drop offs and collections to school and any other commitments from Monday afternoon through to Friday morning. If you are talking about 'sharing' this commitment then I'd say the dad owes her, not the other way around

Maybe mum is refusing because dad has a new gf etc and has moved 40 mins away to be with new partner? Just wondering.

The mum does all drop offs and collections to school and any other commitments from Monday afternoon through to Friday morning. If you are talking about 'sharing' this commitment then I'd say the dad owes her, not the other way around
^This
If dad needs to vary his arrangements it’s his responsibility to sort pick ups, etc.

Why the hell should mum drop off when she's had to pick up the kid from school because Dad can't be arsed to prioritise the poor child over his work and is therefore late? I'm not getting something there, of course you're being very unreasonable, you should be thanking mum for stepping in so often. Dad moved away and wants the kid at weekends, he can drive to collect and drop off.

Mum doesn't do school runs- Nan does (dads Mum) as lives next to school.

FYI I'm not the stepmom. Dad doesn't have a girlfriend. He used to and she did the drop offs and pick ups.

It doesn’t matter though - mum covers her days as presumably she can’t do pick up and drop off (work?), dad needs to do the same and cover his.

I'm the Mum. It was a friend who said maybe I was being unreasonable because I really don't want to drive 40 mins after work on a Friday night to drop daughter off. And I have a class Saturday morning that I go to every week so it doesn't work well to keep her the Friday night.
General consensus is I'm not tho. Will stick to my guns. Was just beginning to doubt myself.

You’re definitely not BU! I think you’re being more than reasonable accommodating the extra time at home on a Friday.

When dad is later picking up dd goes to dads Mum and he picks up from there

I think you are being a bit selfish and the picking up/dropping off should be shared. It doesn't hurt to be nice to each other now and again.

And for those wondering why it takes so long to drive so few miles - we used to have a ten mile journey to school but it took 40 mins as it was single track road winding up and down the moors- if you got stuck behind someone slow it was even longer.

So dad's mum does all the school runs? How does that work? She picks up from yours every day and drops home to you every day?

And you never spend any time with your child on the weekends?

@whichcolour
No I do drop offs in the morning- she picks up from school and brings to mine at half4/5ish.

I will keep her at weekend if dad is working away for example. And dad brings him to football on a Sunday and I usually go and watch the game.

She's 10 now and has always gone weekends at dads since I we split when she was 2. She wouldn't let me change it now.