Who pays for travel for contact?

[SaveElsa]

Mum and dad split up- Mum moved 5 miles from joint house (15 min drive) Dad moved 12 miles away (40 min drive)

Mum has child Monday after school- Friday school drop off.
Dad has child Friday after school - Monday school drop off.

Dad does 100% of picking up dropping off as moved further away.
Dad pays maintenance to Mum plus splits costs of child related expenses- ie. uniform, school trips etc.

Is it unreasonable to expect Mum to share car journeys occasionally? Or is it entirely dads responsibility?

So dads complaining about having to pick his kid up for contact?! He decided to move away so he has to deal with it tbh

He collects his daughter from his mum's unless I'm mistaken so he wants you to collect from his mum and drop her off at his?! I wouldn't at all

Tbh it wouldn't hurt the mum to do occasion am Friday pick up, these issues need some flexibility

I would say that you should do the occasional drop off. It sounds like he wants to spend time with his daughter and it wouldn’t kill you to be reasonable.

I'd say the occasional drop off would do no harm and should help your relationship stay amicable.

How long is his round trip? I can understand you not wanting to do it but if he has a horrible round trip then doing it once a month would help him. And to be honest it will give you some time with your daughter while you’re in the car, it doesn’t sound like you see her much.

Why has dad always had the weekends? That is not fair on either mum or child who need quality time together, not just when dad has to work. That is why EOW is the norm.

Is the contact court-ordered?

If I had never been able to have my child at home for a full weekend routinely, there is no way come hell or high water I would be facilitating dad to work late on Fridays. Sorry, but you need weekend time with your DD, not just as the childcare cover when he is not there. Dad needs weekend time for himself too. DD should have a balanced experience of both parents.

I know it does not answer your question, but how did such an arrangement come about?

Have you asked your DD if she would prefer some weekends at home or are you just assuming she would not let you change it?

Simple solution is you both drop off and pick up at Dad's mum's (paternal grandmother's) house so there are no arguments as she is accomodating and seems neutral in all this. And screw the mileage costs.

@KataraJean

We agreed to it originally when I wasn't working and he asked if I wanted to change when she started school and it just didn't really work for me at the time.

We're in a routine now and it suits my dd. She now wouldn't want to not go to her dads even if I asked.

@SaveElsa

"Weekly drop offs at school aren't possible due to the 40 minute drive."

Thanks for telling me that I achieved the impossible for 2.5 years, every day. And after-school clubs. And play dates. With multiple children, including a newborn.

I wasn't willing to disrupt their education by changing schools. Then managed to move somewhere much easier, for the benefit of the children.

Now I have 2 x 20 min School runs, and a 60 minute School run. Best schools are a priority. I also work full time. I adjusted me hours to make it work.
It's the difference between people's priorities, and doesn't last forever.

Surely it's generally better for the children if parents are willing to compromise and be a bit flexible with one another. This has to go both ways though and relies on both parties being reasonable.

If you move away from your child you pay to travel to see them.

Why should you drop of if he moved away? Stick to your guns

Wait, so her Nan is doing all school pick-ups and you never see her on a weekend. 4 evenings that don't even include pick-up is really not a lot of parenting time; say she gets in at 5pm and goes to bed at say 8pm then you're parenting her for only 12 hours per week whereas her Nan does about the same with school runs and Dad does 27 hours. Why don't you want to spend more time with your daughter? Nothing to do with petrol money, seriously - that's almost no time at all!

(I'm excluding 12 hours/ day of sleep.)

This is such a strange set up. How many weekends have you actually had with her in 8 years?

To be honest- the extra info has changed things a little for me- your ex MIL picks up after school, and keeps your daughter until later, and he is asking for you to help once in a while? How frequently is once in a while? Given his mother helps out significantly- if you say no- and that changes how would it affect you?