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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to give up trying to breastfeed?

66 replies

funinthesun18 · 30/09/2018 07:10

Baby is 3 days old and I’ve been trying to breastfeed her. It’s not gone very well as I think I’ve been getting the technique wrong I’m bleeding a bit and I’m SO sore.
I formula fed my other babies and they were all happy healthy babies, but this time I really wanted to give breastfeeding a go as this is my last one and I wanted to really enjoy that closeness to her.
I’ve been considering putting her on formula because the pain is too much. But my milk has come in now and I feel so guilty and upset. It’s a bit of a now or never thing now because if I stop then the milk will go and won’t come back.
I just don’t know what to do 😢

OP posts:

Feb2018mumma · 30/09/2018 07:15

The first two weeks are painful and long long days and nights unfortunately. It is obviously up to you, but it does get easier. I remember the pain at the start I basically used a year supply of nipple cream in a week!

Teachtolive · 30/09/2018 07:16

First off, forget the guilt, you'll get enough of that in your lifetime without hanging it on yourself for this!

If you really don't want to, don't, but it sounds from your post that in spite of the current difficulty you'd like it to work. Have you a lactation consultant in your area who can help you with technique? If your nipples are sore get a tube of lanolin and use it after every feed. Try the multimam nipple compresses too, they're absolute lifesavers. Just remember though, whatever way you decide to go, you're nourishing your baby so leave the guilt behind

Gnomesofthegalaxy · 30/09/2018 07:16

Has she been checked for tongue tie? My second had one, wasn't picked up until 2 weeks, my nipples were black and blue.

It's fine to give up if that's what you want, equally fine to persevere. Ask midwife for help and maybe try expressing a bit.

I'm using nipple shields with my 3 month old because he can't get a good latch, could be another thing to try now your milk is in. It will give your sore nipples a rest.

Woffulu · 30/09/2018 07:20

Congratulations on your new baby! It's completely up to you and you shouldn't feel guilty either way.

It has only been 3 days and I if it was me, I would get some support to get the technique right (or even try following a tutorial each time you latch her on) - once you have it right it shouldn't be painful and it becomes so easy.

IdaBWells · 30/09/2018 07:21

I had cracked nipples with my first (excruciating!) and the breast feeding specialist nurse advised me to use nipple shields, which are basically soft plastic that you hold over the nipple and the milk can still escape. I used them for ages (weeks or maybe months)! As being a naive new mum I didn’t realize they were only supposed to be used until I healed. Anyway, the problem was solved, no more pain and they healed quickly.

Breastfeeding is not innate it is a learned behaviour, so don’t be surprised that you are struggling if you are not getting enough support and help. You may just need to learn how to latch the baby on more successfully. The best advice I ever got was to aim your nipple at the top of the baby’s mouth, that way they get a lot of the aerola (dark area) and then they are able to suckle and get the milk out from the ducts.

The choice to breastfeed is always yours and you should only continue if you want to but once established breastfeeding is such a wonderful and beautiful experience. I breastfeed all 3 of mine for years and they are some of my happiest memories (and there could not have been a more clueless mum than me the first time round regarding BFing).

Booom · 30/09/2018 07:21

It will get easier but the first two weeks are tough. Much easier than bottle feedjng later on though. I would try for a few morw days. Have you got a BF counselling nearby? Mine sorted me out. If technique is right it shouldn't hurt. But if doesnt improve try mixed feeding.

IdaBWells · 30/09/2018 07:24

Also wait until the baby opens their mouth realllly wide, you can encourage this by tickling under their chin and then “slam that baby on!” as my American lactation nurse told me !!!!!

applesisapple5 · 30/09/2018 07:25

You're doing so well, if you want to keep trying perhaps call the breastfeeding network's helpline or see gf there's an NCT lactation consultant, la leche league or suppprt group. Call your midwife!

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/breastfeeding-support/

deptfordgirl · 30/09/2018 07:26

If you want to continue then persevere as the first few days are awful. Both of mine had tongue ties but I only got my son's cut (and only after a month as the process to book took so long) and this contributed towards the pain but after a couple of months with both I felt absolutely no pain at all. I find it so easy and convenient now, I found the difficulties at the beginning worth it in the long term. However if you don't feel it's worth it and had success with ffeeding before then don't feel guilty at all.

WellErrr · 30/09/2018 07:26

Can you get some help from a peer supporter or lactation consultant?

Oysterbabe · 30/09/2018 07:27

I found breast feeding excruciating for about the first month but then it got easy. It sounds like you realy want to do it and will be upset if it doesn't work out. Seek help in getting the latch right, grit your teeth and keep going. Not having to wash, sterilize and make up bottles is amazing.

Cornettoninja · 30/09/2018 07:27

It can really hurt (certainly did for me). There is nothing wrong at all if you decide that it’s not for you. Honestly, getting your baby fed is absolutely the main thing and the mode is irrelevant to the baby at the moment.

That being said, a couple of things that worked for me was lanolin (the one in the purple tube I found best) before and after a feed, showers or washing helped enormously, paracetamol/ibuprofen. I never made it to a support group (didn’t find out there was one till six months despite asking 🙄) so used YouTube. There’s so many techniques on there and I finally got a decent latch after a midnight training session. Also engorged boobs hurt and it goes against your natural reaction but expressing a bit or letting the baby feed is the best way to relieve it.

It does get better, but it’s tough

applesisapple5 · 30/09/2018 07:27

And get some Lansinoh nipple cream ASAP. Most chemists and supermarket should have it. Or ask a mum friend if they have some in their bathroom, as it's 7am on sunday!

MaverickSnoopy · 30/09/2018 07:28

I completely understand. I struggled to breastfeed my first two and this time round want to get it "right", but honestly, it's bloody hard work to get it right when it doesn't just work straight away, and so I've given myself permission to be ok with formula (which we eventually moved to with the first two).

Personally speaking I used to give myself permission to give up if I stuck it out for x amount of time. It used to buy me time to try and make an improvement. So for example "If I haven't got it in a week then I'll stop", then I used to reach the week and think "I'll try a bit longer" and set a new deadline. It helped me mix feed to 6 months with my first and 3 months with my second.

There are of course all sorts of people who can help - baby feeding cafes, lactation consultants and your health visitor can signpost you. However, it really depends on how much you want it and how much you want to move onto formula. That's not a judgement in anyway, it's just a realisation after my own experiences.

DontFundHate · 30/09/2018 07:28

Lots of support out there, maybe you have a local group? I know around here they would come out to see you even on a weekend. it's so hard though, I found the first 6 weeks so tough, and that was without other children to look after. Is someone able to look after them? Good luck with whatever you decide

CowInTheMeadow · 30/09/2018 07:31

once you have it right it shouldn't be painful and it becomes so easy.

This is true, but for me to get to that point it took 3-4 months of painful feeding. I also had the leakiest boobs! I always thought, just another day and we'll see...

My nipples were split to the point that the creams didn't really do much so they just needed time to heal.

It gradually got better and I was glad I persevered but of course you should do what you think is right for you.

anotherangel2 · 30/09/2018 07:35

Of course not but I suspect if you give up now you will regret it. Get some mendela nipple shields and give them ago first.

nutbrownhare15 · 30/09/2018 07:37

You can call the national breastfeeding helpline at 9.30 today, 0300 100 0212 I phoned them myself on a Sunday when I was in pain in the first week. It helped, and then I went to a bf support group which helped some more and things got a lot better after that. You need support, is there a group in your area? You could also consider phoning your midwife. I found the biological nurturing position much better for a good latch in the early days (you can google it). Yanbu to do whatever you wish with your body but I hope you get the support you deserve.

Yellowsunredroses · 30/09/2018 07:37

The thing with bf is that it’s very very hard for a few weeks then gets very very easy.
Personally I’d stick it out because you wanted to bf so if you want to it needs a bit of effort and grit - it rarely just magically happens easily.
Get all the support you can - you need to keep badgering midwives etc to help you

Yellowsunredroses · 30/09/2018 07:38

Would second using nipple shields btw - you can buy them from boots

bumbleymummy · 30/09/2018 07:39

If you have cracks that are making the latch painful you can try holding the baby in different positions so that the same areas aren’t being irritated all the time. It does get better and easier but I remember the agony of a cracked nipple with a newborn and it is tough at that point. Things got better from there though.

HidingFromMyKids · 30/09/2018 07:40

The itv programme this morning recently had a breastfeeding expert on to do a breastfeeding clinic.

If you or somebody can find it she had a technique that was different to all the official advice and everyone was saying it was so much better.

Sorry I can't look now but well done for trying so hard I found it hurt so much for the first two weeks an used nipple shields for a lot longer than I should after that. By 6 weeks it was easy peasy and needed to effort at all.

If you can get to that stage you will feel great and much easier than bottles however you need to do what's best for you xx

glintandglide · 30/09/2018 07:40

Go to a baby clinic or breastfeeding clinic today. You can do this! Well done and congratulations

rwalker · 30/09/2018 07:41

Do what is best for you MILLIONS of babies thrive off forumula .People should not guilt you into carrying on if you don't want to .There are pro's and cons for both .TBH Wouldn't ask anyone you will just get one-sided advice which is totally unhelpful. You have grown and delivered a healthy baby you have failed at nothing .Loads of woman preserver and end up with pnd .Make the decision and go with it you don't have to justify yourself to anyone .Happy mum happy baby goodluck

IdaBWells · 30/09/2018 07:42

It’s so true that once you get through the rocky patches and breastfeeding is “established” it is a breeze. So great to just be able to feed anywhere and everywhere. I always was so grateful when we flying as a BFing baby was so easy to settle. BFing helps your baby feel safe wherever you are as you can immediately comfort them.

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