To confront my daughter?

[Worriedmum246]

I looked at Dd’s Phone and found messages to my friends’s son basically saying they kissed. They are 13. Dd is quite open with me about any issues at school but has kept this from me. She doesn’t know I looked at phone. We agreed a while ago that she could have privacy as she is growing up. The kids don’t see each other that often and I can keep an eye on them here. Don’t want to tell her I betrayed her trust as she might shut down totally. WWYD?

Do nothing and stop snooping like that.

I wouldn't say a thing and just keep an eye every now and then. It's just a kiss.

My parents used to snoop on everything that I did. They'd read my diary and confront me about it, go through my room and my bag and throw out anything they deemed inappropriate like cigarettes that a friend had left in my bag on a night out (I was 20 and never smoked).

Tbh i was a pretty sensible teenager so it used to piss me off no end and meant I never told them a lot of stuff.

Be sensible but don't be the kind of parent that doesn't give their kid any privacy. She'll only end up getting better at hiding the big things.

I remember getting antihistamines from the hospital in a brown bottle and out of boredom I ripped the label off and my parents had me sat down for ages after because they didn't believe me it was innocent when they had been with me when I got them.

I lost trust in my parents then.

Why would you confront her?
I was 13 when I had my first proper kiss. Certainly didn’t tell my parents. It wasn’t a slippery slope to sex and drugs, I lost my virginity at 17 to my long term boyfriend (we were together for 8 years in the end) and am now happily married.

Thanks guys. I’m a worrier but I agree, I’ll do nothing. I had a bad relationship with my DM and I’m trying very hard to be a better mum than I had. It’s difficult sometimes to know what is right.
I’ll stop snooping and continue to enjoy our relationship as it is.
PS we have had birds and bees talk.

Invasive of her privacy to say anything.
Thirteen year old kissing is not an issue it's just normal development.

we have had birds and bees talk

That's not the important talk. And call it sex. It's not the birds and the bees. The important talk is about consent, choice and safety. Not sex. My 7 yo knows where babies come from. That's the easy bit.

I second what mrsterrypratchett said. Make sure it’s the right talk.

Agreed. And if you're not up on Internet and mobile phone safety, update yourself then make sure she is. The NSPCC link I posted above is a good starting point. Times have massively changed, and so has the language of sex - at least in terms of online technology.

How unpleasant to be snooping on your daughter behind her back!

I think looking at a young teenager's phone from time to time is perfectly acceptable. It doesn't t take much scanning to see that it's just the usual convos, and you don't need to read in detail, but I would be looking for messages from strange names and yes, ones from boys.

Dont say anything at all. Sounds perfectly normal. Consensual and with a boy her own age... just leave it, theres nothing to worry about. She will be mortified if you bring it up. You dont want to betray her trust because she wont be able to come to you if she is worried about anything or needs to talk about anything.

I’ll stop snooping and continue to enjoy our relationship as it is.

Good job OP. I'm anxious too and it's hard to let go but it's definitely the right thing to do. If at 13 the worst you found on her phone was that she kissed another boy her own age then she's obviously a sensible girl. Trust her a bit.