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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate people trying to judge who my children look like

66 replies

afloat · 28/09/2018 20:51

They look exactly like themselves.

OP posts:
cheesefield · 28/09/2018 21:51

Ha! Sorry.

My Dad always got told he looked like Patrick Swayze.

People always tell me I look like my dad.

I often look in the mirror for Patrick Swayze.

BackforGood · 28/09/2018 22:24

Yes YABU

Goostacean · 28/09/2018 23:45

Thinking about it more, it’s not the comment that bothers me, as such. It’s insistently repeating it, when I’ve already said several times: 1. I don’t see it, 2. he just looks like a baby, 3. I don’t think so, 4. actually I think he looks more like X. Even if you think the baby is the spitting image of whoever, sense the tone of the newborn’s exhausted mother!!

Thanks OP, feels good to get that off my chest Grin

puzzledlady · 29/09/2018 00:14

Everywhere we go - people tell me how much my daughter looks like me. One guy in the supermarket care up to me to tell me no one on earth could ever doubt that my daughter belonged to me - and that we didn’t need a dna test as she was basically Me. Odd man. I didn’t know him. 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Duck90 · 29/09/2018 00:30

I find going to “meet” the new baby experience quite hard. After “ isnt the baby gorgeous and you look well” part, I have no idea what else to say. I find myself cringing at coming up with, what did you eat at the hospital, doesn’t he look like dat etc.

Unless the new mum is good friend, I have no idea what else to say. Babies are not that interesting to me. So, basically, I am trying to show interest - when I’m not really. Obviously I am delighted for the new parents, but that is where it ends.

New puppy would be very different.

Smishsmash · 29/09/2018 00:48

My vote is the Milkman, Pat Mustard Grin
(Father Ted reference)

AvoidingDM · 29/09/2018 01:04

Unless the new mum is good friend, I have no idea what else to say.

Why would you go to meet a new baby if you weren't good friends with the parents especially the mum?

Duck90 · 29/09/2018 01:09

Why would you go to meet a new baby if you weren't good friends with the parents especially the mum?

Well,
If it’s your partners friends baby, and you were invited round.
Your partners cousin had a baby, and it was an invite,
A colleague coming into to see the office with new baby.

To name a few instances.

Obviously this is not new as in 1 week old.

peterpanwendy · 29/09/2018 01:19

I'm totally with you! People keep insisting my baby is 'the double' of me or my OH but they can't agree. She is her own person!

Fatted · 29/09/2018 01:22

I don't mind it so much from family and friends etc because they are generally kind and well intentioned with it. I can understand that this isn't the case for everyone!

It's the random people who suddenly get verbal diarrhea about my eldest having red hair when neither DH or I do! Suddenly making jokes about he must be the milkmans or boring me senseless about the random person in their family who was a red head. My youngest has blond hair and neither DH or I are blond but it doesn't seem to attract as much nonsense!

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 01:28

I say it to mothers sometimes to make them feel better because I'm socially awkward.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 01:30

Babies never look like anyone though. My daughter was white. The nurse thought she had jaundice. No. Her father was black. Don't know whether she looks like him or not.

Graphista · 29/09/2018 02:11

I've posted about this before. Dd does not look like me AT ALL! What she DOES look like is the child of my ex...and my sister! Seriously if you were presented with photos of dd, me, ex and my sister you'd say they were her parents and wonder who the fuck I was!

As per pp she has however inherited other traits from me - being a night owl, sarcasm, filthy laugh and frankly intellect (seriously her father? Thick as 2 short 'uns! - except when it comes to being a dead beat - then he becomes a fucking genius!)

Then there's my nephew who looks nothing like either parent - looks like me and bro's child! Genetics are weird.

Another nephew doesn't look like any living relative, then at a family event a relative we don't see often (distant cousin, grandparents generation), remarked "well he's the spit of X!" X being my grandmothers uncle who died when my mother was quite young. Cousin dug out a photo for us and right enough would have been a contender for graham norton's 'time travelling' Schtick! Really odd that he looks SO like someone 4 generations removed!

I also colouring wise don't look like either parent (both dark haired olive skinned - whereas you'd have a job picking me out in a snowstorm if it weren't for the red hair! Several aunts and uncles on both sides though with my colouring, each parent had one dark haired olive skinned parent and one Celtic colouring parent).

There's some evidence though (though those that have studied it aren't in agreement on how it happens) that some adopted children start to look like adoptive parents and even non blood related siblings, among the reasons posited are physical/chemical environment, mimicking speech patterns/accent, mimicking other physical traits eg gait...

It's interesting but I can understand it being annoying if eg a mil is constantly banging on how your child looks nothing like you.

Willstartomorrow - a friend of mine is mixed race, her dad's really quite dark even compared to other Nigerian heritage folk, but her mum is pure Nordic colouring, blonde, blue eyed very white skinned, she has pale skin but tans easily and doesn't burn like her mum, blonde but Afro hair and pale brown/greenish eyes. She did used to find it a bit upsetting/annoying that people thought her dad was her step dad. She's got his high cheekbones, chin (which she hates) and is tall/long limbed whereas her mum is a wee tiddly thing.

Oysterbabe · 29/09/2018 06:15

Someone actually stopped their car to tell me once that DD looks exactly like me. She does, I love it.

MargotLovedTom1 · 29/09/2018 06:33

I'm fascinated by family resemblances. I love meeting people's parents and siblings and observing similarities and mannerisms in common. Obviously discreetly though - I'm not openly gawking and saying "Oh my God! Your brother looks nothing like the rest of you. What happened there then?!" Grin

ClinkyMonkey · 29/09/2018 09:20

This is interesting to me, because it's always about context. Lots of people commented on DS1's resemblance to me. Others said he looked like DP. No problem. It was fascinating to realise that some people notice hair colour, while others face shape or eyes or smile and that can influence how they see someone.

BUT DP's family seemed to use our child's appearance as a passive aggressive way of making me feel like an outsider. He was very striking and they all seemed to want him to be like them and not me. Old photos were brought out on a regular basis to prove he resembled them, particularly if anyone pointed out that he was similar to me in any way. Honestly, it was an obsession with them. An obsession that was not carried through to DS2, probably because his looks weren't as appealing to them. I think he's fabulous of course, if that even matters. But it just shows how superficial they all are.

I absolutely love spotting similarities in features and mannerisms and I think most people mean it to be a point of interest. I'm very careful how I express myself, though, after my own experiences. I have commented that a child looks like particular parent, only to be greeted with a look of shock and disbelief because said child looks exactly like Great Auntie Betty. I wouldn't know Great Auntie Betty if she jumped out of my soup.

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