Aibu to hate "mummy's boy" comment

[NellMangel]

Today a relative commented that my 4yo DS needed toughening up. He's worried he'll be bullied at school (doesn't start school til next year).

Apparently I need to cut the apron strings. He commented that my son always wants to hold my hand and cuddle with me. He's turning into a "mummy's boy".

I'm quite pissed off. Me and DS are very close, I'm a single parent and we have a lovely relationship.

I think there's an element of misogyny to his comments. Bet it would be fine to hold a daughter's hand. Bet if DS was especially close to his dad that would be fine.

I have no idea what action he'd suggest to address this (if I wanted to) - somehow create distance between me and my son? Nice.

Just ranting really. Sick of people feeling they can judge and critique my parenting when I'm trying my fucking best!

Another case of disappearing paragraphs...

I think it's unnecessary because he's only 4, of course he's going to want to be close to you and want cuddles. Personally I would take it as a compliment that you are a good mum to him and that you have a great relationship. I have two sons and two daughters and though I am close to all of them, my boys have been mummy' s boys and honestly, I love it. I love being the one they want over anyone else. I'm not offended when anyone calls my youngest a mummy' s boy because he is my boy.

Ignore it
I have 4 Boys and my eldest is 17 still gives me hugs and is a lovely lad. Youngest is 7 and holds my hand and gets loads of cuddles, 8 year old likes his hugs in the line going into school and my 13 year old is a sweet caring boy, I want kids who can tell me why they are upset, who can be there for each other and hug their Mum when they need to, doesn’t mean they aren’t tough etc I don’t listen to other people just enjoy ypir lovely close relationship with your son he’ll be 17 in a blink of an eye and you’ll be wondering where that time went

My son is 4 and started school, he's a total "mummy boy" we're very close and his dad is around. It has made no difference to him making friends, in fact I think that having a close solid stable loving relationship with a parent makes it a good base for forming friendships.

When he was around 9 months old I complained to the health visitor that he didn't sleep well and she sent a sleep expert roundehose advice was, you're too close to him, that's why he doesn't sleep, she gave me all this advice about how to distance myself. Needless to say I ignored it, the sleep issued resolved itself.

Ignore stupid comments, I love me and my boy are close, he's happy healthy and can form relationships outside of me, that's all that matters

It's shit isn't it? What the fuck gives anyone the right to comment. I have a similar relationship with my almost 4 year old son he likes to cuddle and be near me. It doesn't mean he can't go off and play too though.
Honestly he's my 4th and all I've learned is whatever you do someone will try and criticise you.
I usually respond to advice with a "hmmm yes I will bare that in mind"
Not a chance he will get bullied for it my ds who has just turned five and has just started reception loves a cuddle as do all of the kids. It's called loving your bloody parent.

Thanks. I definitely want to raise a person who cuddles and shares, not some hardcase who gives a shit about what "the lads" think.

A four year old wants to hold their mother’s hand and have a cuddle? Not an issue.
A child who lacked confidence or social skills or resilience needs help before they start school.
Hate the term mummy’s boy. Horrid.

YANBU. I find it actually quite irritating as it's always said like its a bad thing and in a snarky way. My son is only 5 months and I already get the 'mummys boy' comments and it always feels like a dig and not a compliment!

Stupid comment. My adult sons still hug me sometimes when they are leaving and sometimes just because. Try not to let it get to you OP, your Ds sounds adorable. 4 year olds are just gorgeous!

DS1 is a “mummy’s boy” who likes to cuddle me and hold my hand. Other than being tired he has taken to reception very well, a family friend is a lunch/playtime supervisor and said he seems a lot more confident and chatty than many of his peers.

Apparently I need to cut the apron strings. He commented that my son always wants to hold my hand and cuddle with me. He's turning into a "mummy's boy

He's FOUR years old, for crying out loud! Still a baby. Tell him to knob off. (the relative that is, not your ds who sounds lovely!)

Stupid person making that comment. I love this thread as I have a 2 year old son and hope he still loves hugs when he's a teenager like some pp have said! Careful, by having a close, loving relationship you might be teaching your son to, shock horror, be a kind, loving young man!

My 11 yo still hugs me loads. Long may it last. The whole mummy’s boy thing is an outdated load of crap.

He is 4 he is practically (in my eyes) still a baby! Kiss and cuddle him as much as you can! I'm a mum to 3 boys and I've been a single parent for a couple of years. I give my sons so much affection! My eldest is doing just fine in school! He's well liked pleasant and fun loving! Sure there are going to be 'tougher natured" children at school who are brought up differently. Your son will learn to handle himself as he gets older! I always encourage my children to stand up for themselves and speak out. Ignore the comments from others just enjoy them kisses and cuddles!

DS just turned 5 at the end of August and is a real mummy’s boy (which I love!). Still holds my hand, gives me kisses and cuddles, including when I drop him at school.

He’s also very confident and happy. Settled in to reception no problem, not a single tear or any clingyness, just walked off to play without a backward glance. He is also happy and confident in year 1, when he started going to holiday club, and when he has gone to football classes.

The coach put him in goal and said ‘he’s got not scared of getting stuck in’.

So yes, mummy’s boy but also happy, confident, brave, and rough and tumble.

OP, your relative is a knob

I’m just listening to Robert Webb reading his book ‘How not to be a boy’. Listen, then send a copy to the relative.
Keep cuddling your lovely little boy.

I am sure Prince George still loves holding his mum's hand..

Just ignore them (easier said than done).

I hold DD hand, if I can, and she is 11..

My DS is 24, he's always been a kind and sensitive person and he was a 'cuddly' baby and child. He still hugs me whenever he sees me, gives me a cuddle and tells me he loves me.
I hate all that macho 'boys don't cry' bollocks, that's why so many men are screwed up. Keep cuddling your little boy and encouraging him to be kind and loving. And sod that stupid relative.
climbs off soap box

Perfect example of toxic masculinity exerted early in life. "Little boys should be rough, tough and not cry."

May we all raise a generation of caring, compassionate, affectionate men who are comfortable with their emotions. That would stamp out a lot of the problems we see today I think.

Keep holding his hand and cuddling him, it will stop eventually so enjoy it now! Mine is 4 as well and I love his warm little hand that grabs mine every time we walk together 😍 what is wrong with that??!

Thanks for the encouraging comments. This relative is definitely projecting his own issues - homophobic, terrified of standing out or being criticised, poor relationship with his own mother.

It is everyday sexism isn't it. Telling boys how shit and uncool it is to like women.

I have a 13yo mummy's boy, never been bullied, a real gent, put his arm around me in a school meeting recently. Loves a cuddle and he's just fine. Tell your relatives to keep their beaks out!

@KM99 exactly that!

I recently read an article that has proven a link between those who are 'mummy's boys' having better mental health in later life.

Your relative is an idiot, keep doing what you're doing Mummy as it sounds like you're doing a great job.

There's nothing wrong with a close and loving relationship, a "mummy's boy" as some would describe it. It's lovely.

The only time it might be worth a look into is if the child is unconfident or unable to go anywhere or do anything without having the mum right by his side all the time, like a comfort blanket. If the confidence is good then there's not really much of a problem.