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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Train seats

62 replies

Monstrous · 28/09/2018 16:46

Bear with me... i’m bored on a packed train....
So twice today I have arrived on a train to find someone sat in my reserved seat announcing that their seat is “over there” for me to sit in and assuming that I don’t mind where I sit.
I don’t in fact really mind ....I’m not that bothered about a window seat....but why would you not sit in the seat you reserved....?
I guess i’m the kind of person that would never sit in someone else’s seat. If I wanted to swap for whatever reason (ie I was with a companion) I would wait until the other person arrived then explain and ask politely to swap.
I’m curious. It seems odd behaviour to take the seat and assume the other person will be fine with it...
(Be gentle... I don’t go on trains often... in fact I don’t get out much at all... and i’m not bothered just curious as to whether this is acceptable social behaviour or whether they are CFs)

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 28/09/2018 16:48

Definitely cheeky. I'd ask them to move personally as if I've booked a forward facing table or whatever I want that one.

purplecorkheart · 28/09/2018 16:49

I hate this. I make a regular trip. I always reserve a seat at a table by the window facing forwards on the left hand side of train. I do this as I have a issue with my right eye and hate being on the right side window seat. I hate when someone sits in my seat but I will make them move.

RachaelGeller · 28/09/2018 16:49

I assume they want your seat because it’s more desirable for them. Maybe it is facing a better direction or a window/aisle seat or has a working charger or is further from the stench of the toilets.

Whatever the reason though if you want the seat you’ve reserved you can say ‘oh I’m going to sit here actually, if you wouldn’t mind moving thanks’ and take your seat.

For a long journey I’d want the seat I requested, to save the hassle of moving if the person in your seat got off at an earlier station and then you have to move to that seat or face leaving the seat you’re in if it has been reserved for someone else on the new leg. Plus I’ve usually requested a specific seat for a reason.

Bestseller · 28/09/2018 16:50

I've no idea why people would do it either. I'd hate it if I was sitting in a seat and the rightful "owner" had to ask me to move. Haven't a clue why they'd do it if their own seat is free or there are plenty spare.

I get nervous if I'm a bit late for the theatre etc in case someone's in my seat and there might a be scene. I certainly wouldn't do it to someone else Blush

squirrelnutkins1 · 28/09/2018 16:54

No idea why people do it! We had it on the plane at the weekend, loads of people had swapped, not us, but then someone ended up in OHs seat. Silly isn't it. Just seems common sense to sit where you're allocated.

Nanasueathome · 28/09/2018 16:55

I travel by train regularly as my family are all over the place
I am older so have a senior railcard which gives me 30% off travel
Because I travel to visit family I can pick and choose the days and times I travel so I always look for the cheapest and with least (if any) train changes to reach my destination
Bevause of my railcard discount I usually treat myself and travel first class
The last time I travelled to London I boarded the train in Wolverhampton and there was just one other person in the first class carriage at that point
They were sitting in my reserved seat, which clearly said was reserved
The train crew on duty saw my predicament and told me to just sit anywhere as the coach was not full for the journey. At no stage did they suggest that the person move to another seat
Whilst this was fine in this occasion I cannot believe that someone would board a train and sit down in a reserved seat without even having the decency to check first
I feel your pain....lots of people do it and then think you are in the wrong when they are asked to move

treacledan71 · 28/09/2018 16:57

I do understand it is frustrating but from a regular commuter who gets a rush hour train. Pay a lot a money for a pass but cant reserve a seat and have to move most nights for reserved seats and stand i find that frustrating!! I dont think you should be able to book seats on rush hour train but i am just a grumpy Smile

Nithead · 28/09/2018 16:58

YESSSSSSSS! I did a regular journey for years, 6.5 hours a couple of times a week with a couple of changes but one long train in the middle.

It was always old women. Always. And they were so dismissive. They would make out I was a bitch / silly girl as other seats seemed available without understanding they were only available for some of the journey and not the WHOLE BLOODY WAY.

I'd rather not be a jack in a box jumping up and down, bouncing from seat to seat when people came to claim their reservation.

I'd rather have the one I booked.

RachaelGeller · 28/09/2018 16:58

The train crew on duty saw my predicament and told me to just sit anywhere as the coach was not full for the journey. At no stage did they suggest that the person move to another seat

How did they ‘see’ the predicament? Did you get on and stand there flapping and panicking or something?

I assume they didn’t suggest the other passenger move seats as they knew you were perfectly able to ask them yourself to move if you wanted that seat (which would have been perfectly fine for you to do, and really wouldn’t require staff intervention) Smile

RachaelGeller · 28/09/2018 16:59

They would make out I was a bitch / silly girl as other seats seemed available without understanding they were only available for some of the journey and not the WHOLE BLOODY WAY.

Hope you made them move anyway! Their perception of me wouldn’t matter a jot if this happened to me. I’d merrily take my seat.

Havaina · 28/09/2018 17:00

You have booked and paid for a seat, you should get that seat.

There's no embarrassment in asking for your seat to be vacated.

BlueJava · 28/09/2018 17:00

I hate this too! It also happened on a flight (internal to mainland China) recently - I turned up to my seat to find the whole row and my seat taken. Said sorry... that's my seat, the cabin crew were like ... oh sit here instead... then someone else came on said I was in their seat. It was a nightmare! After I moved 3 times I went back to my original and allocated seat and got them to move and sat down! I wasn't popular I didn't care.

Original poster
Monstrous · 28/09/2018 17:02

It’s my choice not to ask them to move. Anyone who knows me in RL will know that I am more than capable. I just couldn’t be bothered to make a deal out of it. The reason for posting is that I don’t understand the thought process. It’s not like they didn’t have seats of their own....
Both were young 30s female

OP posts:
Nithead · 28/09/2018 17:06

@RachaelGeller sometimes. I embarrass easily but then also get the rage. Usually what would happen is the rest of the carriage would look at me like I was being unreasonable to an old lady.

My usual routine would be to offer to find them another seat and say LOOK THIS ONE IS FREE! But I have backed down if they've started protesting about not wanting to move and wittering about their bags or legs.

And one time a man got angry with me and pointlessly gave the old lady his seat while death staring me for the rest of the journey, even though there were other empty ones she could have moved into

MsSquiz · 28/09/2018 17:07

Oh this happened to DH and me on a train from Newcastle to Edinburgh. We had reserved seats with a table, opposite each other. Got on board to find a middle aged woman and her teenage son sitting in our seats. I checked my ticket and looked at the seat number, then looked at the seat to see if had the reservation ticket thing on it that says where it is reserved from (it did)

She then muttered "is this your seat?" And I said yes so she huffed and puffed and made a huge drama of gathering her things together while rolling her eyes and telling her son to move... to the next seats down! Another 4 empty seats with a table, none of the seats were reserved. Why not just sit there in the first place? Why sit in the reserved seats?

Kewqueue · 28/09/2018 17:11

I am on a long train journey at the moment. Every seat I've booked has been backward instead of forward facing . (I couldn't work out the plan online!) Maybe they were as rubbish as me at booking the seat they actually wanted?

MaryBoBary · 28/09/2018 17:11

I understand then sitting in a reserved seat as I used to have to Use the train a lot for work and so many reserved seats would remain empty because that person hadn’t got on the train. But YANBU when they refuse to move. I would just say “sorry, I reserved this seat so am going to sit here”.

Nanasueathome · 28/09/2018 17:16

The stewardess (is that the right word) was actually chatting away to the person in my reserved seat when I boarded- the person had got on at a previous stop
I found my seat and saw someone sitting in there talking to her. She carried on chatting and looked up at me when she saw I was hovering and unsure what to do
Yes, I could have asked for the person to move but there was no offer from them to do so I just sat in another seat

MissLingoss · 28/09/2018 17:17

I had this recently. Busy train going to London. I got on part way along the route. There was a young woman in my seat. There were a lot of other people also trying to get to their seats, and everyone had to wait because I had to stand in the aisle until she got herself together and moved. Then even when I'd sat down, people were still having to wait while she faffed about looking for somewhere else to sit.

I don't get why people don't book seats on long journeys. It's free, and easy enough to do.

MaryBoBary · 28/09/2018 17:18

The fun really starts when the screens showing which sets are reserved stop working. Then they say no reservations are valid and all hell breaks loose!

OliviaStabler · 28/09/2018 17:20

I think they want to sit at a table, by the window, forward facing etc and sit there thinking people will be too embarrassed to challenge them.

I've made people move in the past. Once on a plane we got to a row and these people were in our seats. I politely askef them to move and they replied 'but we want to sit together'. 'So do we' I replied nicely but my look said Hop it!

LeftRightCentre · 28/09/2018 17:23

I always ask them to move. Have had this happen so many times. 'But we want to sit together.' 'Yes, we do, too, hence, why we booked these seats.' Plenty of times get, 'But, we're already sitting here.' 'That's a pity. You'll need to shift because we want to sit in our reserved seats.'

HolesinTheSoles · 28/09/2018 17:25

YANBU. If they're doing a shorter journey than you you might having someone turning up to turf you out of your seat half way through. Also how do they know you're not travelling with someone you want to sit next to. I also do care about window/aisle seats/table seats and book accordingly.

I once had someone do the same to me on an easy jet flight. I had paid extra to book in advance because I wanted the aisle seat and wanted that seat.

DarlingNikita · 28/09/2018 17:25

I think they want to sit at a table, by the window, forward facing etc and sit there thinking people will be too embarrassed to challenge them.

I think so too, and I suspect that most of the time people ARE. And so they keep getting away with it!

I've no problem with politely saying 'Excuse me, this is my seat.' More than once I've had an incredulous look and a 'Do you want to sit here?', to which the answer is a slow patient nod and a pleasant 'Yes, please.' No one has yet pushed it further than that.

IrmaFayLear · 28/09/2018 17:30

Yes, happened to me on a transatlantic flight in the summer. Same thing of "We want to sit together." Er, so you want me to sit somewhere else from dh and the dcs? In fact I did (and a lucky escape as dd was badly sick so dh had to wield sick bags [evil grin] ) but the people didn't say thank you; they were just entitled.

I don't know what I'd have done if I'd have paid to reserve a seat and someone had been in it. Do you ask them to give you your reservation fee?!