Unsupportive DH on BF. AIBU to suggest doing your research or shut up?

[longlivethechip]

I have just had a little cry to myself.

Talking about me attending a wedding in Ireland, that DH can't book flights for with us because he can't get the time away from work.

I'm BF my 10 month old. He says well why don't you leave DS here and I'll look after him Yeah, not going to happen. Even if he wasn't BF, how am I suppose to leave him if you're working?

Anyway, I said but he's breastfeeding. He says well that's no excuse, he doesn't need breastmilk anymore.

I said yes he does. He said really? Why then I said for all the nutritional benefits. For the closeness. Etc etc. He says "Well really? How comes all the other babies that aren't breastfed are fine? How comes they're okay then?" I said I don't know at this point all valid arguments for BF have gone out of my head, my words are a mush and I'm just getting upset.

He carries on to say he doesn't need breastmilk anymore. I said yes he does, he would need formula until he's 1 if not breastfed. After that he needs milk up to age 2, I think is recommended. He persists to tell me well that's great then, he can have soya milk when he's 1 (DS has a cow's milk allergy)

AIBU to say do your fucking research before upsetting your wife?

I wouldn't mind, but he's like a shot to pass him over if DS is upset he's instantly calmed by breast-feeding. I often hear "Oh just pop him on the boob" of DS is whinging. DH is happy enough for him to be breastfed then. Yet he wants to start this shitty argument and go on to say he doesn't need it, and keeps on saying it. But ironically, never says so when DS is being difficult and boob calms him down.

Do you know what's worse? He's a preachy vegetarian that avoids dairy and is rude enough to remind family they're killing themselves slowly. Doesn't strictly follow a vegan diet but is preachy it's the best diet and shouts down any argument to say otherwise.

Yet ironically won't look into the benefits of fucking breastmilk, which ironically again, proper vegans bloody promote and suggest

Sorry, but I had to rant. I'm fucking fed up.

Rant away. He’s being a thoughtless supine dickhead.

You feed your baby as long as you want to. Stopping for a wedding, or because you’re being bullied by your twatty husband, is a bad idea.

*superior

I feel your pain, my OH is insisting I give up breastfeeding now DS is 1. It’s so annoying.

Thank you

I just can't be arsed with him tonight. Absolutely pissed off doesn't even cut it.

I'm fed up of him spouting this utter shite but insisting he's put on the breast to help settle him if he's tired or cranky

Quote the WHO at him. States that infants should be exclusively breastfed for first 6 months. Following that, complementary breastfeeding is recommended until at least 2 years of age.

Your lo gets brilliant nutrition from it and comfort. You both benefit from being close to one another. Lo also gains immunity from colds, coughs, flu, bacteria, viruses...

Do not be bullied into stopping bfing if you and your lo are benefitting from it.

Thank you, I find the WHO guidelines to be quite badly worded.

It says "Up to 2 years and beyond". Quite an odd way of putting it, I don't see why the 'up to' is needed and actually seems quite misleading

Is your partner Irish? I am and I am the only person I know ( apart from my best friend) who breastfed our children. No excuse but bfing is seen as "weird" by my family etc

Milk is their main source of food until around one.

Mammysin are bf rates low in Ireland?

Belle1616 your not going to ket him to force you to do that are you?

What the hell is the matter with some men?

BF rates are abysmally low in Ireland, north and south.

NI rates are the lowest in the uk afaik

OP YANBU but try and see it as a sign that he wants to spend more time caring for the baby. It's a pity he doesn't get it but you do which is the main thing. If your baby has a cows milk allergy it seems to me to make even more sense.

I always took the WHO guidance to mean that up until 2 there are actual known benefits to breastmilk over formula or cows milk but beyond 2 while it's still a healthy thing to have the evidence is unclear whether it's any healthier in developed countries than another type of milk.

I really don’t see the problem. Why don’t you just go with your baby and leave DH at home, if he can’t get leave? You can breast feed on the plane to stop his ears popping during take off/landing. I doubt any mum, breast feeding or not, would want to go away and leave her baby behind, for any reason at all, let alone a stupid wedding!
And tell DH it’s solely your own decision about when to stop breast feeding. He doesn’t get a vote on this one.

Well, you could look at it as him encouraging you to have a break and go to the wedding - you could express breastmilk to cover 24-48 hours, that would be fine surely?

And technically, whilst breastmilk is most appropriate nutritionally, your son doesn't need it; he'd be fine on formula if, for some reason, you had to stop feeding tomorrow, say you were very ill.

It sounds like he could be more supportive yes, but it also sounds like one of those arguments tIred parents have that seem like the end of the world but honestly really aren't.

Mammysin

Really? I’m also Irish and I think all my friends who have had babies have breastfed... One of them is still breastfeeding her almost 4yo. My mum breastfed my siblings and me, both my aunties breastfed all their babies too. Maybe it depends on the part of Ireland?

And yanbu op

Perhaps he wants to look after his son while you have a break. Perhaps he thinks you think he can't do a very good job looking after him and wants to prove you wrong. Of course you shouldn't stop breast feeding until you are ready to, but maybe he just wants you to have a break

The way you speak about him you don't seem to like him very much.

My mum breastfed all 9 (!) of us. My sisters and brothers have said that it was utterly repugnant and somehow perverted?!. My sisters rejected bfing for vanity reasons , brothers wives- who knows? My dh is English and v supportive btw - it makes all the difference.

Well, you could look at it as him encouraging you to have a break and go to the wedding - you could express breastmilk to cover 24-48 hours, that would be fine surely?

And technically, whilst breastmilk is most appropriate nutritionally, your son doesn't need it; he'd be fine on formula if, for some reason, you had to stop feeding tomorrow, say you were very ill

It sounds like he could be more supportive yes, but it also sounds like one of those arguments tIred parents have that seem like the end of the world but honestly really aren't

He isn't encouraging me to have a break. I'd be going for just under a week too. DH won't have DS for under a day before calling me up to see if I'm done/when am I coming home.

I don't 'need' to drink water to survive but it's hell of a lot better than sugary juice. He probably would be fine on formula but it wouldn't compare to the nutritional benefits of breastmilk.

Oh and he isn't a tired parent. We both sleep over 12 hours a night

I’d be livid!!

My son is 14 months and breast fed and has a dairy intolerance. The longest he’s gone without a breast feed is about 36 hours because of my shift work and that’s the longest I’d let him go without one because I want him having something more substantial than water/squash for that long. He refuses to drink expressed milk out of any kind of bottle or beaker. On occasions I’ve had my DH bring DS to my workplace so I can breast feed him.

A week is far too long to be away from a 10 month old breast fed baby anyway never mind one who can’t have formula.

I can’t believe your DH is even suggesting it - is he stupid?? He’s being an idiot.

There are two different issues here, your DH is not being supportive at all, you've chosen for good reason to breast feed and he doesn't understand that's not something you want to stop, and even if you did you don't do it overnight. Take the baby with you, simple solution.
The other issue is that you say formula is worse than breast, that's very disrespectful to women who for whatever reason have been unable to breastfeed, they are not nutritionally depriving their children. Look around a school playground and try and differentiate between breast feed and formula fed. I fully intend to breast feed if it's possible for me, but I see my SIL recovering from a botched c section, sepsis, with terrible mastitis beating herself up because other women kept on about how babies NEED to be breast fed.

*saw

With your DH on this OP. The world will not end because you stopped BF for one weekend, or started Formula.