Sad and dissappointed with myself.

[Satonsofasad]

Named changed. Not sure whyou really.

Aged 28

2 kids aged 3 and 8

8 year old fine. 3 year old disabled and under lots of investigations for Neurological problems. Investigations genes etc...constant tests and apponlent d waiting for results. 3 year old nearly died 12 months ago and ended up in a coma. I saved his life until paramedics arrived yet breathing for him and CPR.

It happen again in April and me and DH had to go over it all again.

Seems ok now but it's hell when my phone ring at work. I think the worst.

Anyway there is other stuff etc but I'm sad because by now I thought I would have been back at university. I'm ready but not ready. I'm too stressed. We still havnt got answers to why DS is having these neurological problems and we just have to keep waiting. It's hard seeing him struggle but yet he is also a happy little sociable boy who is so cute in his walking frame.

I just need people to tell me what I already know. I have time to go back to uni..I want to be an Early years teacher. I have cut down hours and responsibilities at work to care for DS and to also care for my mental health.

Everyone around me and my age though is upping their game and getting somewhere in their career. They are doing degrees...doing more hours at work. Not me...I'm doing the opposite.

I so want to be something by the time I'm in my middle thirties and I feel so low that people around me are and all i do is care for my son.

I'm turning into a nobody when I would have hoped by now I was beginning to be a somebody. I hate myself for being so weak and stressed that I can't go to uni and add more stress to how I feel. I'm a lazy cow who's not hacking it.

Can really feel your sadness and disappointment in your post and want to send a hug to say you sound to me (and evidently everyone else) like a strong, kind, dedicated honey of a mum.
Be proud of your resilience xx
(wish I had something more constructive to offer but feeling pretty shallow in the face of your experience)

You have plenty of time! I was way over 40 when I started teacher training. Bear in mind that you'll probably be working until you are 80 the way Pensions policy is going!. Prioritise your family but also make sure you are doing something for you right now, whether its an Open University module or 2, or a regular hobby thing. You obviously have lots to offer the world when the time is right.

Both of my children are disabled, Sad, and I'm autistic with ADHD. I had to give up work to care for my children and for my own mental wellbeing. I didn't go to uni because I had a breakdown when I was 18 and I know the feelings that you're having well.

I started an OU degree a few years ago (part time) and I'm about to start my fourth year. Their support has been fantastic: I had an immediate extension on an assignment one time DS2 was admitted into hospital, and had extenuating circumstances applied to my file when he was admitted the week before that year's final exam. I haven't had to, but they offered deferral when it was getting really tough for me and my boys health-wise, and you can take 16 years to do all of the modules for a degree, if needed (so do a year, take two off if you need).

I'm 33. I'll be 36 when I finish. I would then like to do a PGCE, so will be qualified (hopefully) at 37. It's definitely not too late, nor will it be if you wait a few more years.

Don’t worry about other people, what they’re doing and where they are in their careers. You have enough on your plate having a young child with SN. There is too much pressure put on women today to have a family and a successful career! IMO, when you are a mom, your priority is to ensure your children are safe, happy and well looked after. If that means you are a SAHM, so be it. You have plenty of years ahead of you to do anything you want with your career. A teacher I know was a TA for many years. Once her children got older she trained to be a Teacher and is now a Deputy Head.

Thank you. I just feel so old at 28 and like time is dissapearing for me and lots of people are doing constructive things. There is even someone I know who's studying what I wanted to study and they told me that I was their inspiration to better themselves. I don't think they meant to be insensitive tho. More of a compliment.

I don't have even half the challenges you have and I have only just started my degree now at the age of 35! You have plenty of time and you know when you get to it you will absolutely smash it

Oh my gosh you are so great and they are lucky to have you. Please please know this, even if it takes saying it to yourself out loud until you believe. You will be fine 💙

Do people newly qualifiy as teachers in their late 30s?

Yes they can but don't do it.
Do something else. Teaching is incredibly stressful in itself and eats away at all your time. I am a teacher and many many many times I think of ways I could get out of it..I wanted to be a teacher so bad and studies and was qualified at 34. So yes you can do it, but seriously, you don't need that in your life.

I am now 50 and apart from the teaching itself, I hate it. The pressure, the demands and expectations. Horrible job.

Oh sweetheart, give yourself a break! You are an incredible mother. You are balancing so much and actually it takes great wisdom to realise when you need to take time to re-calibrate rather than rushing headlong into stressful situations.
This is your time to be gentle on yourself. University will still be there in a few years time or whenever you feel ready. There's lots of teachers who enter the profession in their 30s and 40s. Your life experience is invaluable in teaching

I feel like this past week I have been grieving for the life I thought I would have had. I have had a dip this week in my anxieties and I suppose just seeing someone today who is doing what I wanted to do was the icing on the cake. That's why I have ended up on here. I have very low self esteem and doing a degree would have helped I guess.

Sweetheart. At 28, you have a far better head on your shoulders than I probably have now at 41!

1. you can start a uni course and then defer if it gets too much - not much to lose by trying
2. other people’s achievements in learning or work will NEVER be as significant as saving the life of your own child.
3. if you can’t manage Uni yet, how about some volunteering in your area of expertise, to build up your CV for when you do qualify?

Oh op please don't be so hard on yourself, as an older parent who had my 2 dcs at 38 and 39 respectively,10 years ago,
l meet lots of older parents, and would be parents, who have fantastic careers but are so desperate to concieve or have a second child....many have prioritised amazing careers and missed the boat or are really struggling to have the families they want, or a child at all,
...and many are worried about working to sustain their demanding careers and have children!

From what l have seen, it is often much easier to train for a career later than try to have a family later, you can have a working life untill your late 60s and older ........I see no reason for you not to have the career you want even if you leave it a few years yet, and l really hope you can enjoy your children whilst they are young.

There are always compromises to be made, yes you can have it all just not at the same time....!

As everyone's said, you have bags of time and people qualify as teachers in their 30s, 40s and 50s! Looking after your son is invaluable so don't give yourself a hard time over what you're not doing and try not to compare yourself to other. No one has it all. It is worth saying though, from what you've written here, it doesn't sound like a third child is what you're looking for right now. Sounds like you need time for yourself, not to split yourself further and delay your own goals for a lot longer. There may be more to it, am only going by what you've said here.

I had an aunt who gave up teaching when she became a mother. Over 40 years later when she was 80 years old she graduated with her M.Sc You have plenty of time.

But aside from that you are working and you're a mum. If you were my daughter I would be so proud of you.

All your experience will make you a much better teacher. Could you do something for you such as school volunteering for a bit? On line courses to stretch your brain? Coursera, futurelearn lots on line and free. Good luck.

As everyone has said... you can train to be a teacher at any time; some of the best I have worked with (I'm in Special Ed) have come to teaching later in life...but it is a very tough job.
A couple of our teachers became special needs teachers because of their own experience of having a disabled child themselves... your experience will be invaluable, whatever field of education you choose!

However, and I'm not trying to be negative, but an awful lot of children (up to 40% my son's geneticist told us) never get a firm diagnosis.. medical science is advancing all the time but doesn't always have a name for our complex children. I would say don't put your life on hold waiting for a name (though I hope you do get a diagnosis). Whatever will be will be and you CAN study and work if you have a child with disabilities.

If now is not the time then studying part time with the OU is a great way to build up a degree slowly...it can be done over quite a few years !

I never imagined I'd work in special ed... but after my 4th child was born with special needs I found my 'thing' and can't imagine doing anything else now!

Please don't think you are 'nobody' you are an incredibly important person, and for your son, you are going to be his advocate, his teacher, his voice in the system as he enters school... you have an incredible skill set right there!

And if you enter teaching you will be working til you are 68 now, so there are a LOT of years ahead!!!

OP please read "Depressive illness, the curse of the strong" by Dr Tim Cantopher. If you Google it, you can find a summary, which is worth reading in itself. You are coping and have coped, with a HELL of a lot. I would also recommend a Google search on the effects of living in "fight or flight" mode on the body and the brain. You are most likely living in "fight or flight" mode because you never know when you may need to save your son again. This is bad for your body because of the stress hormones being released, and also affects your brain's ability to learn. Here is one link about it: www.edudemic.com/stress-affects-brain-learning/. I'm not saying that you can't go to uni now, but I think you need to understand just what you are coping with, so you can get some help, and then decide whether uni is right for you now.

By the way - I had one career change around 40, and another around 50.

Another person here saying you sound amazing - please be kind to yourself.
I completely understand how hard it is when life turns out differently to how you imagined it.
I know it seems like other people are surging ahead of you but it may be that their ambitions and dreams take a back seat at some point in the future and that might be the time when you can achieve more for yourself.
Although it may not seem like it right now but at 28, you have lots of time ahead to pursue your dreams.
I wonder if you could dip your toe in the water first and perhaps try an online course or OU module.
That way, you would have an idea of how much time you have, whether you would find it stressful or it might be exactly what you need to give yourself a much deserved boost.
All of your experiences will contribute to you being an even more outstanding early years teacher.
Mature students have amazing talents to bring to the table, most of which can’t be taught in a classroom.
I hope you have lots of support at home - you sound like a wonderful Mum and you have every right to be happy and fulfilled in yourself.

You doing well in very difficult circumstances. Don't be hard on yourself and don't worry about waiting until you are ready to start on your own career. You are right - your experience will be relevant to your studies and there is plenty of time left.

My Mum started a degree after all four of her children had finished at Uni. She had a great time studying and qualified as a teacher when she was in her late 40s.

In her teaching placements - and in her first job- she found it a great advantage to be older. Her pupils assumed that she was experienced and gave her much less trouble !

Wishing you a happy future - and hope that your son's condition is so much better than you fear.

I'm 34 and doing a degree via a night course! Loads of people are my age. I don't feel too old, neither should you, you have lots of time, let your babies be your priority (which clearly they are - you sound like a fantastic mum) and get into the education side of things when everything at home is less hectic. There is NO rush, please don't panic.

Wow- you are certainly NOT a ‘lazy cow.’

You really are still young to put down that ticking clock as life isn’t a race with your friends. You are doing a very important job right now and to handle what you go through and keep going on is WAY more impressive than people around you already having careers!

You will get where you want to be one day, but please be kind to yourself and know that you are doing the most important job there is right now

Oh my! You have saved your DCs life! You have saved a life! How amazing, brave and worthwhile is that? No, you are so not too old to have a career. You can still do it. After I was 30 I retrained in a different career successfully. I then became a mum in my 40s. You are still young! It might seem that other people are passing you by, but don’t look at it like that. You will have your time.
I can’t imagine how hard things are for you, and how stressful. I hope you get the answers you need. You will make a strong, inspiring teacher Im sure.

You are not a nobody and there is plenty of time yet to do your degree and train as a teacher. You are never to old to train and to learn.

I know someone who trained as a teacher in her forties.