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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re everyone staying here

36 replies

Sonarbe · 26/09/2018 11:15

I don’t think I am but I’ve been made to feel as though I am.

Dp’s friend is arranging mutual friend’s birthday celebration. I got a message saying that they were thinking of going out in our home town so could they start off at our house. (Majority of invitees live in next town)

I replied saying yes of course as it would mean I could join in before they all went out. DP will be going out but I won’t as will be 37 weeks pregnant and I’ve got hyperemesis, so still feeling shit although actual vomiting is controlled by medication.

I then received a fb invitation to the event, saying that it was going to start and end at our house. Said to dp “hang on, that’s not what I was asked, I don’t really want everyone coming back here after they’ve all been out”. He said “yeah that’s not going to happen” and got straight onto his friend to ask him to change it. Friend said he thought they could all stay at our house. DP and I agree we don’t mind friend and his partner and birthday friend staying over but not everyone that has been invited out. Friend asked well what about everyone else that’s not from your town?

DP pointed out that we only have one spare room and our children will also be here. We’re happy to get them to share a room for the night so our friends can have a room, but I don’t want to pile them all in our room so that friends of friends can stay. Nor do I want people all over the sitting room when I’m going to be getting up early with the toddler.

Friend thinks we should get the children to stay elsewhere for the night. This involves me driving an hour each way to take them to my mums. I don’t want to do this.

Friend got a bit annoyed and said that dp has stayed at their house loads of times when they’ve been out. I think this is irrelevant as we have said we are happy for those friends to stay, just not everyone.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Rebellia · 26/09/2018 11:17

Of course YANBU. Stop being such a bloody pushover - just tell him 'Nope. Not happening.'

SparkyBlue · 26/09/2018 11:18

God above no YANBU.

VelociraptorRex · 26/09/2018 11:18

Er, no. Your house, why on earth should you and the DCs have to leave it when you're 37 weeks and not feeling great? Especially when you can't join in? Glad DP is on your side, stand your ground and say no.

Rebecca36 · 26/09/2018 11:19

You're not being at all unreasonable. Set the limits. No-one should insist on disrupting your household in that way. What you've offered is very generous anyway.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2018 11:20

The cheek of this "friend" is truly unbelievable! I would set him so straight his neck would never bend again, and then I think I would find a new friend. What a prick.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 11:20

Suggest he be the one fetching and carrying the dc. A night in by yourself could be a nice treat?!
Have the bed to yourself so he doesn't wake you, he can have dc room and his friends can doss wherever. Any mess is his responsibility also. The flip side is if you wanted friends over would you be happy if he kicked off about it?

Racecardriver · 26/09/2018 11:25

Your friend is a bit cf

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/09/2018 11:31

Clear fb message is required - so everyone can see it!

"I am happy for everyone to start from here, it will be lovely to see you all. But you can't come back and crash here afterwards. I will be 37 weeks pregnant, probably still puking, basically an uncomfortable heavily pregnant woman who is saying "No!"

MicroManaged · 26/09/2018 11:34

It’s a family house with kids in not a bloody student crash pad.

Tell them to fuck off.

Thatstheendofmytether · 26/09/2018 11:42

He is annoyed that you won't let a whole hoard of people stay at your house after a night out for the night? Is he serious? I would be telling this cf to get to fuck. Your not shipping your kids out so they can all get a bed for the night! Tell the tight arses to all chip in for a taxi!

Thatstheendofmytether · 26/09/2018 11:45

@Aprilshowersnowastorm

What are you talking about, this man doesn't live in the OPs house so why would he be taking her kids anywhere and why would he have a say in wether OP had friends around. We are not talking about the OPs DH, it's their mutual friend that wants to use their house like a hotel.

Shoxfordian · 26/09/2018 11:46

Obviously yanbu

Original poster
Sonarbe · 26/09/2018 11:48

April it’s not DP who wants everyone staying here, it’s his friend.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersnowastorm · 26/09/2018 11:50

Well friend should organise a taxi or give him air B&B rates for your house!

Original poster
Sonarbe · 26/09/2018 11:51

Also generally a very good friend so we’re not going to fall out over it. Just a bit surprised that the assumption was everyone would be staying here.

OP posts:
serbska · 26/09/2018 11:52

Friend thinks we should get the children to stay elsewhere for the night. This involves me driving an hour each way to take them to my mums. I don’t want to do this.

Ah ha ha ha FUCKING HA

No chance.

This is so funny I can't believe someone would argue with you and say your children should fuck off so loads of mates can stay when you and your DP have both said 'not on'.

DistanceCall · 26/09/2018 11:56

I would be seriously rethinking the friendship over this. This is not something a very good friend does.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/09/2018 11:57

No you dont cart your children to your mums to make way for a punch of grown adults too tight to pay for a cab home- their home!

DarlingNikita · 26/09/2018 11:58

Also generally a very good friend

You sure about that?

Friend thinks we should get the children to stay elsewhere for the night.

Yer what?
Laugh in his face and, if he still needs more, tell him 'No.'

fairyflapss · 26/09/2018 12:00

Op just tell them all to piss off .... should be ashamed of themselves just assuming they can put you & your family out & all crash at your house when you are heavily pregnant.
No one wants to come downstairs to drunken bodies sprawled all over your living room when you have kids. And no don't arrange for your kids to stay elsewhere.

Cheeky fuckers. Piss off & pay for taxis is what I would say!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/09/2018 12:05

Your ‘friend’ is really thoughtless and rude. The LAST thing pretty much any heavily pregnant woman wants is a load of people back to the house that have been drinking. I think you were being incredibly kind to let the ones stay you said could.

Cheeky fucker needs a bloody good talking to.

Uncreative · 26/09/2018 12:08

I think you should say.......

Ok, if people really want to stay they can. I’m not kicking the kids out of their own bedrooms (and certainly not out of the house) but everyone can crash in the living room. At 37 weeks pregnant, I can’t handle doing much laundry or housework so if you are staying over, bring your own sleeping bag, pillows and towels. With hyperemesis, I will puke if I smell a cooked breakfast but you are welcome to make yourselves toast. Please make sure you clean up the kitchen afterwards because, well, I’m pregnant and shouldn’t have to do it myself. Don’t worry about setting an alarm clock, the kids will be up at 5.30 to watch Pippa pig at full volume. Kids, what can you do? Oh, and please don’t get too rowdy with the kids in the house - no swearing or drunkeness in front of them. Looking forward to seeing everyone!

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/09/2018 12:10

He has mistaken your home for an AirBNB OP. Correct him on FB and provide details of an actual place they can hire.

Uncreative · 26/09/2018 12:10

Actually, I think you should post that or something similar in reply to his Facebook invitation so everyone can see what a twat he is.

onlyk · 26/09/2018 12:12

You’re pregnant and not 100% plus you already have small children.

I’m guessing your good friend is male and childless so is being completely thoughtless ( if he does have children then he’s being an even bigger selfish idiot ).

You’re being extremely nice having anyone stay over when you’re not 100% (I wouldn’t have anyone staying over) so if anything I think you’re being very accommodating already and your friend is a CF.