To want to cut my labia off?

[RedCanna]

I have name changed for this because [Apologies to Georgia O'Keeffe].

I don't mean do it at home with a pair of scissors, I mean have labiaplasty surgery.

I hate my labia minora, I always have; I remember being horrified the first time I ever properly looked at myself down there. They are big and long and hang down 3cm (yes I did actually measure them for the purpose of this thread!)

Some of my previous intimate partners have commented negatively about them and I always feel embarrassed by them. I've been single for years and the idea of getting naked in front of anyone ever again seems impossible. They also get in the way and become very sore sometimes.

But I count myself a feminist and fundamentally disapprove of the concept of women having unnecessary surgery in order to meet male expectations of how our bodies should look. I would be betraying my own ideals, wouldn't I?

Thank you everybody for your kind and thoughtful responses.

WolefGenius I'm always a bit sceptical of the idea that women have cosmetic surgery for themselves, although I would never disparage anyone's choices. I just worry that actually we are far more subconsciously conditioned than we realise to please the male gaze.

I have very small inner labia, not visible at all unless you pull the outer labia back. Never had any comments from men but one day I went online and found reams and reams of comments about how disgusting women like me are, how we look like children, how we're incomplete, etc etc.

So I started looking whether you could have surgery to enlarge your inner labia, and found reams and reams of comments in exactly the same vein, but this time about large inner labia.

Moral of the story: whatever your body looks like, some moronic fucker won't like it and that moronic fucker can go to hell. It's normal and there's nothing wrong with it. I will bet my house that those horrible partners of yours liked your body just fine when they were getting it on and they only said that to hurt you when they were pissed off over something else.

Now if it's causing you discomfort, that's another matter. Do whatever you want if it's for you. To please a moronic fucker? No. There are already too many of them. Don't give them more power.

You know the problem? It's because we don't see labia all the time like we do ears and noses. We know how much variety there is in ears and noses, in shape and size and everything else, and yet we somehow feel that genitals are all the same, or at least they should be. One person might have a large nose, but you'll see 5000 other people with large noses on any given day and you won't think anything of it.

There is no 'normal' in that sense. Like ears and noses.

I had labiaplasty and it was the best thing for me. No partners ever commented but my god they were uncomfortable, they rubbed in any clothes and would then go dry and swell from the rubbing. I was so self conscious and constantly tucking them in (mine were about 3cm too). Mine healed very quickly and nicely (up and about on the day) and I'm so glad I did it.

Same for me overagain. This was not a lifestyle change this was a why the fuck should I wear sanitary pads to stop them getting caught in clothing. Or having to move them out the way having sex. Add to that the pain and bleeding each time they did. Never regretted it

Your body your rules Op, do what will make you happy, pain free and confident.

This is the exact thought I have whenever I have thrush. I assumed that would be the subject of the thread

Oh god, Ronnie, I remember that documentary as well. In fact out of the entire hour long (?) programme, the woman attempting to cut off her own labia is the only thing I remember about it.

OP, I totally understand why you'd want the surgery as I've thought about it in the past as well. I have large labia and I've always felt self-conscious about them even though no one has ever commented on them either positively or negatively. Ultimately you've got to do what will make you happy.

Your partners sound like twats - but if you are having physical discomfort(or indeed, psychological distress) from them you would be foolish not to do something about it if you can.

Why suffer unnecessarily?

It's not unreasonable to want to be able to wear things like skinny jeans though

Not unreasonable to want to wear skinny jeans but perhaps a tad unreasonable to cut off part of one’s genitals to,accommodate a desire to wear skinny jeans

What is striking about OP’s opening post is her loathing of her labia with the discomfort being a throwaway comment at the end

I also have large, lavish labia. I've been more fortunate than you in my lovers. I worried in my teens but I needn't have. No criticism but some heartfelt appreciation.

If someone was cheeky enough to be critical of my vulva I'd bin the bastard. Mid stroke if necessary.

I know what you mean about them sometimes getting in the way, especially with tights with a very tight seam through my crotch, but all in all, I love 'em. They promote orgasm. And I'd be very concerned with potential nerve damage should someone try to reshape them.

Can you not learn to glory in the complex crumpled rose that is your vulva?

I had a labiaplasty ten year ago aftee they got stuck in my pants and the knickers had to be cut off with nail scissors. NHS did the op. Best decision I ever made. I couldn't bloody walk without pain before and had been that way since I was tiny girl (born with problems). Never felt that pain since. Instant relief.

If they're getting caught in stuff, if they're rubbing and getting sore, then do it.

I epilate the bottom half of my vulva for a similar reason - my hair is very long and just gets caught in everything, and it pulls and gets sore, so I remove it (and trimming/shaving is even worse, because then the hair is sharp and pokey and I get different irritation - so epilation it is). Yes, it hurts and takes time, but it's better than the continual low-level soreness of it being there.

As others have said, ignore the men who said anything - they were just saying it to have a dig - vulva come in wondrous variety, and any bloke who's saying bad things doesn't deserve to get anywhere near.

Sounds like your exes were assholes.

Do you ever watch Naked Attraction?

I didn't realise how many women's labias were like yours, assumed it was a rare thing. Having not seen an "outy" type in real life (which I guess makes sense as I've only really seen family vaginas and maybe ours are all similar?)

Anyway at least 50% on Naked Attraction the labia minora are visible. So must be pretty common. That show has made both myself and DH feel more body confident.

BUT - if it's causing you discomfort it's your body. Go for it. Xxxx

I've never even heard of such a thing. It's normal for some to be long and frilly and others less so but so what? Mine is quite frilly and no-one has ever complained. I think you have been with some seriously strange men, there's nothing wrong with you and 3cm is normal!

No the Nhs won't fund it anymore due to budget cuts. It's classed as unnecessary cosmetic surgery so they 'll refer you to a private doctor. I know this as my friend went to see her gp for the same thing as you last year.

Life is too short.

Do what makes you happy/more comfortable/confident. Just make sure you research your surgeon properly.

Are you honestly sore and uncomfortable OP? Because it doesn't really seem to be about that. I have long labia and I don't get sore or uncomfortable at all.

When I was much younger, I remember feeling conscious about them and told my friend who showed me hers. Her labia were about three times as big/long! She was (still is) a very sexually confident woman who has never had a shortage of male admirers. I asked her if she ever felt conscious with men about it and she said "No, why would I? It's the way I'm made and men love them as much as I do."

It was honestly so liberating to hear her and I honestly fell in love with my own labia there and then! I just find women getting plastic surgery to alter their bodies to fit in with what is deemed to be acceptable in society very very sad. Quite honestly, I feel I would be letting myself down if I had cosmetic surgery.

There is nothing wrong with your labia OP. Don't let any dickhead make you think otherwise.

That’s some friend @cakedup!

@RedCanna

Go to your GP and speak about options for surgery

My inner labia hung down considerably and I often had pain and discomfort when wearing certain types of underwear or trousers - it got incredibly tiering having to modify the way I sat down to avoid them being trapped or pulled.

Eventually I went to my GP and got a referral on the NHS. Surgery was quick, almost painless (walked out of the hospital with no trouble and never needed the painkillers prescribed). 6 weeks later I was given the green light to resume normal activity with my partner.

I have never looked back.

cakedup Yes they really do get sore but you're right, this is much more about my psychosexual pathology than my anatomy.