To be annoyed at people spoon feeding my almost three year old?

[cherryca]

My dd almost three, like most toddlers is a fussy eater. When she's with me if she doesn't eat it or try she doesn't get anything after, no pudding etc. My parents and dp spoon feed her the food so she eats it. I've told them several times not to as I think it's making her fussy. It drives me mad when they do it. Aibu to get so annoyed by it or am I being too harsh?

YABU. If you want her to be fed the way only you do it, then you need to be the only one who feeds her. If they're helping, they get to do it their way.

If she's eating it how does it make her a fussy eater? Surely if she doesn't eat it when being spoon fed that is being fussy?

YABU. You're not the only parent in the child's life.

How does spoon feeding make them fussy?

YABU- surely the important thing is that she eats?

YRNBU
No one should be spoon feeding an almost three year old unless they have special needs.

Not seeing how it’s making her fussy.

Sorry I forgot to add some context lol. She's almost three and is able to feed herself really well. I'm annoyed that they don't need to spoon feed her when she can do itself. I feel like it's making her purposefully refuse to eat so they do it for her.

It annoyed me when MIL did it, but only because DD feeding herself was something we had to really work on. I think the reason she did it was, she didn’t spend a lot of time with her and often hadn’t realised there were things she could do herself now. She still does similar things now that DD is older but it’s only because she doesn’t know what she is capable of.

It won’t make her fussy, it won’t be forever, there are bigger battles in the world to pick.

YABU for using “pudding” as a bribe for eating the main meal. That’s a far bigger food issue than occasional spoon feeding.

I'm guilty of this dd5 is is also a fussy eater and Ive tried to sit her down and say she is not moving till she eats all her food. It always ends up with a big argument and the food going cold, The thing with my dd is she would happily go with out food and even as a baby she has never been a big eater, she has had reflux since she was born so I put it down to that. I find just for my own peace of mind i end up feeding her the last few mouthfuls just so I know she has eaten. She is also really small and thin for her age and I really don't want her going losing anymore weight.

@Yabbers how do? If she gets pudding without even trying her food surely she would just stop eating normal dinners and go straight for pudding?

As long as she ends up eating, that's all I'd worry about.

Yabu for making pudding dependent on eating dinner.

My 2.5yo can feed herself but sometimes likes it when she’s spoon fed. It helps when she’s being fussy. She knows she can do it herself and so do others, I don’t see the harm in doing it. Especially if it gets her to eat her food!

If she gets pudding without even trying her food surely she would just stop eating normal dinners and go straight for pudding?

Yep, that's what mine would have done too.

No dinner = no pudding was always the rule in my house. Not that we had pudding very often (I don't class fruit as pudding btw).

My DM always used positive reinforcement to get me to eat dinners when i was younger. If i didn't eat it then i didn't get dessert. I was certainly never spoonfed, she wouldn't have put up with that. If i didn't eat the dinner then i'd be hungry, my choice. As an adult i am not a fussy eater whatsoever so it must've done some good.

@anon138

Same thing with me and I have no issues with food. We do lots of praise. She ate carrots the other day and I said I was really proud of her and she eats carrots a lot now. And I didn't have to spoon feed her.

My older sister used to spoon feed me when I didn't want what my mum had cooked.

She did the whole 'Here comes the airplane' thing and I loved it

I think I must've been about 3 or 4. Happy memories though.

I don't make mine finish his dinner for pudding. But I will make sure he eats some of it. Otherwise we'd have him living on yoghurts.

@DanielCraigsUnderpants Yeah she doesn't have to eat the whole thing. Just try it at least.

cherryca
Gives an unhealty connection to the sweet stuff. Makes it a reward for doing something good rather than a part of eating a decent balanced diet.

@Yabbers

That makes sense. that's a good point. Hmm toddlers drive you crazy haha.

Yabbers so if you had a child who refused dinners due to say fussy eating, would you just allow them to live on puddings?

Actually to be honest I think what gives an unhealthy connection to sweet stuff, is offering a pudding every day.

I know I sound like an old fart, but when I was growing up, puddings were after Sunday lunch only, or for special occasions like Birthdays/Christmas/Easter. Or if we had guests to dinner.

I can see how that would be really annoying. DS is 3.3yo and he's not needed spoon feeding for ages and would absolutely refuse to eat if he thought he could get someone to feed him (and get a lot of attention for it). Occasionally, I'd let it slide (e.g. if my PIL who only see us a few times a year), but if it was regularly, then I'd politely say that DS can feed himself and if he won't eat his dinner then it goes in the recycling.

DS knows this. If he really hates it, then he can have some basic toast later or a plain sandwich, but he doesn't get an alternative meal or lots of attention for not eating it.

We do the same for puddings, they have to have eaten a good portion before they get pudding. Fruit is always freely available but the treat stuff is dependent on eating most of their main meal.