To be annoyed at people spoon feeding my almost three year old?

[cherryca]

My dd almost three, like most toddlers is a fussy eater. When she's with me if she doesn't eat it or try she doesn't get anything after, no pudding etc. My parents and dp spoon feed her the food so she eats it. I've told them several times not to as I think it's making her fussy. It drives me mad when they do it. Aibu to get so annoyed by it or am I being too harsh?

Was the same here with puddings Worra. Definitely convinced us to eat most of our dinner.

She's already a fussy eater so I wouldn't cause a scene when others try and feed her.

worraliberty

Of course not. Generally I would make sure there was something on the plate they liked, encourage them to try other stuff but if they don’t, no pressure. DD was crap at trying new stuff as a toddler. But as a 9 year old she will give stuff a go.

I agree about pudding being a one off. We rarely have pudding at home. Occasionally we will do soup and pudding, but never after a normal meal. And yet every single time DD asks “can I have pudding”. I blame school meals! She has fruit if she is still hungry but will get the occasional chocolate mousse.

At that age both of mine would ask ';feed me like a baby' and we would. didn't do any harm...

yanbu I've seen 5 year olds getting the same treatment and it's very silly to look at.

It’s up to them how they feed her. Lots of people prefer to do it that way in their home as it means less mess to clean.

I wouldn't worry about occasional spoon feeding - at her age she'll reject that soon enough.

My DS has to eat a reasonable quantity of dinner before getting his yoghurt and fruit. Otherwise he would eat one forkfull, announce that he was finished, scoff his yoghurt and fruit, then be demanding more food half an hour later. No chance.

Oh I did this sometimes for my fussy ones (not the non fussy as it wasn't necessary) because for some reason it just seemed to make it easier for them to accept and the big thing was to get them to accept new tastes. Didn't always work but, for example, one my lazybones DC couldn't be bothered to eat peas but would tolerate them if I spooned them up for him. He's now 14 and eats his peas all by himself!!

No-one died, they are all good eaters now and if she's 3 she won't let them to it much longer anyway.

This annoyed me with DD. She was perfectly capable of feeding herself but put on this air of helplessness so that my dad would feed her. It made dinner at home alone frustrating because she then expected it.

I firmly stick to 'no dinner no afters' - otherwise DD would eat two mouthfuls of dinner then want something else. It isn't a 'reward' system, more ensuring balance. If you aren't hungry enough to eat the main you aren't hungry enough to eat the afters.
We currently are fighting a battle against the stuff they're seeing at school because if i offer her a bit of chocolate for eg she will tell me she can't eat it as school say it is bad for her!

See I’ve never liked the if you don’t get dinner you don’t get pudding to me your “selling”sweet pudding to the child as something great instead of it just be food that you eat normally.

Also pudding shouldn’t be given every night, no need for it. Puddings here are Saturday & Sunday and on birthdays, Christmas.

You may not like her being spoon fed but your not her only parent and your dp does it and then she eats the food so 🤷🏻‍♀️ She’s 3 don’t really see the problem tbh

I remember the airplane too (and the train etc...) to try and convince dc2 to eat.
He was perfectly able to eat but refused to do so (and yes if he had been given chocolate he would have eaten it. But as it happens there wa snever chocolatenin the house so ....)
Between a child that wouldn’t have eaten a thing (bar cucumber) an one that had eaten a bit of something, I chose the later.

There was some reasons for him not to eat. (He was very badly constipated and therefore never hungry). But I have to say I’m struggling to see how spoon feeding a child will make them fussy.
Always only giving them what they want, proposing a restricted diet, allowing them to notbtry new things would.
But I can’t make the relation between fussy eating and spoon feeding. Unless what you mean is that you are worried your dc will end up only eating when they are spoon fed. Which isn’t going to happen long term

YANBU no one should spoon feed a three year old. Plus what wrong with them skipping a meal? We don't have to eat three times a day. As long as she is a healthy weight and provided with a wide range of foods to try then I don't see the obsession with kids eating all the time.

@Pissedoffdotcom

Exactly. This is now my problem that she expects to be spoon fed. I don't do it and so it makes her upset at meal times. It's very frustrating. This is what makes me mad. If she was fine at home I wouldn't be upset but it's making her fussy and it's this i don't like.

She gets lots of praise when she tries food and eats dinner. I just refuse to spoon feed her when she's perfectly fine to do it herself.

It would annoy me too OP. I absolutely hate seeing people shoveling spoonfuls of food into children's mouths whether they want it or not. In my opinion that's what could give a child an issue with food, or make them fussy. I have pretty much never spoon-fed either of my children. Since they began weaning at 6 months they were quite capable of feeding themselves what they want to eat. It's my job to present them with nutritious food and their choice what to eat and how much. How would any of you like it if someone started shoveling spoonfuls of food into your mouths if you weren't hungry or didn't fancy it? I just don't get people saying 'The important thing is that she eats' - children don't starve if they don't eat all their lunch. Take the pressure off and let them learn to regulate their own eating.

When the dcs were little, they didn’t have pudding.
They had a yogurt, a fruit etc..aka something healthy I was very happy to see them eat and that was part of a balanced diet.
They are teens now. Eating very well, a abal ces diet still and not craving for a ‘pudding’. Actually they often forget we have some yummy cake in the house when it does happen (very very rarely)

So your issue isntbthat she is fussy.
Your issue is that you dint want to spoon feed her.

That’s a very different issue.

And I wouod want to understand why she prefers to be spoon fed rather been left to do it herself.

It's almost like you have to go through the whole process of teaching them again isn't i? I had several chats with my dad about it & then when he continued told him he could be responsible for feeding her every meal from then on. He soon changed his tune. There's no need for it & imo it isn't cute either!

@HermioneGoesBackHome

My issue is that she's purposely not eating food because she wants to be spoon fed. Even though she is fine, and has been happy to do it herself for a long time.

Nursery used to give my son a few spoonfuls of food to get him going, he then ate the rest of it by himself. To me it was more Important that he actually ate something.

Also, maybe she’s just going through an awkward phase! She won’t want them near her soon enough!

If she’s not eating food because she wants to be spoon fed it sounds like she wants the attention and interaction that spoon feeding entails - possibly more than she wants the food which she doesn’t sound too fussed about.
.Assuming it won’t entirely wreck your schedule I would give her the attention she wants/needs and spoon feed her. Don’t worry too much about it, it’s probably just a phase and she will move on to the independent ‘no, I can do it’ phase soon enough. You aren’t going to be spoon feeding her on her wedding day!

And I would also stop with the dessert as a temptation. I wish I had. It became a rod for my own back.

My ds has a yoghurt after his main if he’s still hungry. If he doesn’t eat all his main (not including something new or something he doesn’t like) then he obviously can’t be still hungry so no yoghurt. It’s just logical.

I don’t understand people who would present another course to a child who had already declared themselves all full up. If I were in a restaurant and couldn’t finish my main I’d never order dessert!

We currently are fighting a battle against the stuff they're seeing at school because if i offer her a bit of chocolate for eg she will tell me she can't eat it as school say it is bad for her!

Damn that school for teaching children about healthy options.

It isn't a 'reward' system, more ensuring balance.

It’s all about how you phrase it. If you offer pudding as a “if you eat your dinner you will get pudding” kids see that as a reward. If you put a proper portion of food and when it is pretty much finished ask “are you still hungry?” Then pudding can happen. Or seconds. I always use fruit as a benchmark. DD eats fruit but she’s not a real fan. If she agrees to fruit, she’s still hungry. Then sometimes she gets fruit, or if she’s had a healthy food day, we’ll offer something more pudding like. I’ve always tried to encourage DD to try to think about what her body is telling her.

Those who say the rule was always the same when they were young, have a think about how you view sweet stuff. If it is as an occasional food as part of balance then well done. Most people seem to view it as bad food, or comfort food, something to make them feel better. That’s what can come from pudding as a reward.