To be upset about colleagues comments

[Moshmoshi]

There’s 20 members of staff at my workplace. A few days ago a couple of people made a bit of a joke about me being ‘the most autistic’ one. That’s the second or third time one of them have made that kind of joke. I find it quite hurtful and upsetting. I’m not autistic but I’m a bit socially awkward and can put my foot in it fairly often so I guess that’s what they mean. It feels like a bit of a nasty dig. I’m not socially awkward enough to say what I want which is ‘why are you saying that?’ so I just sit there and try and laugh it off but feel like a bit of a lemon. Sorry tablet won’t let me paragraph.

Tossers. Being autistic isn’t a slur.

Meant to ask if I’m just being over sensitive? I probably was when only one person made the joke but now 2 of them have I am wondering if that what everyone thinks and the others are just more polite.

I would mention this to your manager. It's bullying and they shouldn't say things like that.

It’s totally inappropriate. I’d speak to your manager or HR.

Yes that’s what I think as well raffle. Makes me think even more about considering changing jobs tbh, I obviously just don’t fit in with some of them.

They are nasty but also very ignorant. It's simultaneously offensive to you and all autistic people. I would speak to HR as it could be seen as disablist language and is intimidating and unkind tto you.

The thing is, you could easily be wrong about why they said it. Our boss is incredibly brilliant and efficient but also extremely blunt and I have heard more than one person refer to her as being 'on the spectrum'. People have such a hazy idea of what autism is it could mean different things to different people. In any case I would laugh it off.

Who the fuck do they think they are?! Firstly it’s a disablist comment, secondly it’s plain bloody rude! Have a word word with the boss.

My ex boss who was also a friend always labelled me the outspoken one who basically spoke before I thought. It used to bloody grate on me as it was due to a couple of incidents where I had said things that needed saying, primarily about the shoddy way the business was run. Just smile and nod, smile and nod.

Surely if anyone fits the sterotype of not fitting g basic social norms it's them?

Is it disablist if I’m not autistic though? I’d rather not say anything to anyone more senior as it will make things awkward, how can I stand up for myself though? Should I say something directly to them if they do it again?

I’m also labelled as the outspoken/blunt one which is true to a certain extent but I’m like that very occasionally not all the time- there have been far more times when I’ve bit my tongue! Next job I’ll just keep my mouth shut and be labelled a snob instead probably!

I would be inclined to go and have a quiet word with the person / people who have made the comment(s). Say to them that you know they weren't meaning to be unkind, but the comment about being the most autistic has been playing on your mind, and really quite upset you. Say you don't want to make a big thing out of it now, but could they not use that phrasing again as you don't like it. They will probably be mortified. (Sorry for one long paragraph - something odd is going on tonight and MN won't let me start a new line with the 'enter' key)

Just tell them to stop bullying you otherwise you will be complaining to HR. You don't have to put up with that, its not funny and its not nice.

It's totally inappropriate and offensive. Please report to your manager to have a quiet word with the main 'offender'. Your mannerisms are not up for debate and joke in an office. Plus my dd is on the spectrum and I would be very offended if people were making jokes about autism.

That sounds like the best course of action backforgood but it will take a bit of bravery which I’m not sure I’ve got around this person! She’s a bit of queen bee type and not very approachable for that kind of chat.

If it happens again I’d tell them about my ‘cousins friend’ who made a disability related joke at work and ended up getting sacked.

it's against the equalities act actually. Making assumptions that someone is disabled, gay, muslim etc is illegal I'm sure. Read up on it and point it out to your manager.

Is it disablist if I’m not autistic though? it's offensive to autistic people in the same way as calling someone gay as an insult is offensive to actual gay people.if you want to keep it low key then what backforgood says makes sense.

What they’re doing is not appropriate. But to be autistic is not to be disabled.

OP - the comment was completely unacceptable. Unprofessional. Nasty.

I have aspergers and I would find this massively offensive.

Someone at work did realise I have it before they were told, but they never ever alluded to it that they had worked it out. I'd be very offended if others in the office started saying that about me.

I'm glad everyone agrees it is an inappropriate remark to make. If it happens again say firmly, looking the person straight in the eyes, "That might have been funny the first time but is wearing thin now".

I think something like this depends a lot on the context and the tone and intention of what was said. If they said you're 'the most' autistic one then were they joking about everyone including themselves having issues? Or was it that they were picking on you specifically? If the latter then it's nasty and possibly offensive. Nothing to do with the Equality Act, though, as they aren't discriminating against someone who has a protected characteristic (you aren't classed as disabled).

I think something like this depends a lot on the context and the tone and intention of what was said. The only even remotely acceptable context is if all of them were actually autistic. Using autistic as a descriptor is not ok.