To be upset about colleagues comments

[Moshmoshi]

There’s 20 members of staff at my workplace. A few days ago a couple of people made a bit of a joke about me being ‘the most autistic’ one. That’s the second or third time one of them have made that kind of joke. I find it quite hurtful and upsetting. I’m not autistic but I’m a bit socially awkward and can put my foot in it fairly often so I guess that’s what they mean. It feels like a bit of a nasty dig. I’m not socially awkward enough to say what I want which is ‘why are you saying that?’ so I just sit there and try and laugh it off but feel like a bit of a lemon. Sorry tablet won’t let me paragraph.

*But to be autisitc is not to be disabled

It certainly is for some people on the spectrum.

*But to be autistic is not to be disabled... that's a pretty ignorant comment! As the parent of an adult with autism I can tell you that he, and many others jolly well ARE disabled by their autism!

Nothing to do with the Equality Act, though, as they aren't discriminating against someone who has a protected characteristic (you aren't classed as disabled). It actually does (the Act applying, I mean) - you can be discriminated against in terms of the Act on the basis of people thinking you have a particular protected characteristic, even if they’re wrong. There is case law for this (a lot of people don’t realise that). PS mine won’t let me paragraph too either atm!

@Stillmedusa
I was trying to quote someone else in the comments. Im fully aware how much of a disability it can be.

Autism is never okay to joke about, there is nothing funny about it and it is incredibly offensive.

She’s a bit of queen bee type Whenever I hear anyone described like this I think they are a massive bully. Seriously, this kind of person is usually very manipulative and sly - mention quietly to your line manager that you find the comments inappropriate and offensive - and if you don't trust your line manager to have your back, add in a tone of genuine concern that they could be construed as bullying, and that you are concerned that colleague/s are leaving themselves open to allegations if they were overheard by someone less understanding than you. Then watch them arse-cover.

It sounds to me like they are teasing you and they really could do with a bit of education about what is appropriate in the workplace. If they say it again, you could respond with a “Can we stop the ‘autistic’ comments? I don’t like it and I don’t want anyone to be offended”. Saying it with a smile wouldn’t be too confrontational.

Someone at work the other day referred to the group of people sitting in front of him at a recent football game as "a bunch of retards, you know what I mean? Real retards..." I asked if he meant that they were a group of people with mental health disabilities, and he said that's what he meant. I pointed out that the next time I heard such offensive shit come out of his mouth I would report him. He knew I meant it. It seems that for many, that terminology is acceptable and it's about time that it was taken seriously and challenged. Sadly, not many people appear to want to it...

It is disablist. They are using the word as a slur. Nasty.

Ignoring it will not make the situation better. I hear that you dislike confrontation so put something in writing. They will know that you're creating a paper trail and it'll scare the shit out of them. Drop the perpetrator an email saying "Yesterday you called me autistic. I do not feel that this is acceptable". Say nothing more, no elaboration, nothing. They will suspect you've sent a blind copy to their boss/your boss/HR. It won't happen again.

I don’t think you should approach the queen bee and try to reasonably alert her. You need a paper trail here as a PP has said - a clear email. Or it will quickly become another thing to undermine you with.

If they keep on about it, it's bullying. Whether or not you are autistic, they shouldn't keep on about it - as PP said, if they kept on about you being the gayest person, it would be bullying whatever gender of person you like to have sex with.

It is inappropriate but sadly they're probably not really thinking about what they're saying. Very few people have the guts to be openly offensive so it was probably the same kind of thing kids do when they're showing off to each other. Adults don't always behave like adults, sadly. Having said that, I'm autistic and love the creativity that comes with it (it outweighs the downside - social exclusion- for me), so I'd take it as a compliment anyway!

Just read that back and it sounds like I'm trying to minimise the bullying. I'm not. I'd go with this - You need a paper trail here as a PP has said - a clear email. - and let it be known that's what you're doing.

Great advice from pandarific and loads of others. Don't just accept this. You are all there to work and this is hampering you.

Thanks for all the advice and support. I’m feeling a lot less upset about it now and just annoyed that she can try to be nasty/bully me. I told a colleague I trust about it and she was quite shocked but not surprised. She has form for bullying type behaviour and our management are quite weak. She is senior to me but not my direct manger. I’m going to leave it this time as I’m very wary of causing bad feeling with her, I know that makes me sound like a complete wimp. If she does say anything else though I will speak to the more effective manager.

I agree with PP it's nasty all round.

I've noticed recently this thing of calling people a bit autistic as a joke. Wtf is with that?! People are such twats at times. I'd head straight to hr tbh. They obviously think they're bloody hilarious but it's not on at all.

Wonder if they'd say oh who's the blackest or the gayest? Not a chance!!