Vegan Christmas

[MaNeOi]

Myself my husband and our four kids 10-5 are all vegan. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and have been vegan for 26 and 22 years. Our opinion is that it isn't a decision for everybody however that being said its the decision for us and our kids unless they decide to make the switch. We have hosted Christmas for the past 9 years, we make everything vegan and someone brings a joint of meat and cooks it for the people who want it. However this year my sister in law is attending for the first time ever. She's asked to make her own potatoes, veg and gravy- however there isn't the capacity and there is no need. I have said she can eat non-vegan but I see no reason to cook 2 of numerous things, especially given it is in my house. Finally she is quite outspoken against having vegan kids - and has said she wants them to try bacon on Christmas morning, what is the best way to address this and is this unreasonable? She's staying for a week and I can now only see tension.

I suggest just telling her "Here is the plan. You can't bring all of that and cook it here because there simply isn't room. You also can't dictate what I do or don't feed my kids." End of. If she doesn't like that - too bad for her. My brothers are vegetarian, we are not, but Mum always makes sure there is plenty they can eat. She even makes extra stuffing so there's some that can be put in the turkey and some that's cooked in a pan - that way they can enjoy some of her fabulous stuffing too.

Didn’t she know what she was getting herself in for when she accepted your invitation? What does she think will be wrong about the vegan potatoes, veg and gravy?

shes being unreasonable, Couldnt she just bring her own butter and put that on her own veg or something

I can understand the gravy potentially, but what is she looking to do with the potatoes and vegetables to make them non vegan?! If it’s add butter or something surely this can be done after. She is BU though, it’s always great to volunteer to host on Christmas, and you shouldn’t have to change your plans; especially something as fundamental as that. Just explain and ultimately leave the decision whether to come along to her. The bacon thing is odd, her opinion on not liking it is valid as is anyone’s- but sounds like you do nutritious and good vegan food, so again, she is being unreasonable.

I understand that you can cook potatoes in animal fat but vegetables? She wants to give your kids bacon? I'm sorry but she wouldn't be welcome in my house. I don't mind my guests cooking meat if they want to but if anyone started talking about giving my kid meat they would be leaving tout suite and not welcome back.

Re the bacon-your children are old enough (definitely the oldest one anyway) to decide if they want to try it. I don’t think you’ve got anything to fear from letting them choose. You don’t have to start cooking non vegan at home.

Okay to be vegan, okay to think vegan for children is not good but if you thought the latter why would you want to feed vegan kids cancer causing bacon?! How is bacon healthier?!

She’s a dick and most likely going to ‘contaminate’ the her veg, in some way, then offer it to your children. I would make sure everything is prepared and ready to go straight onto the cooker, before she gets near it. She can put her meat in the oven, but if she arrives with a stupid size of meant (giant turkey) then you know it’s in order to ‘tempt’ the children. As for the bacon, why have you not told her ‘absolutely no way’ and if she even tries to, she will be expected to leave. Shes a cheaky fucker and I would make sure that she is sitting at the head of the table and you and your husband are sitting between her and your children.

It doesn't even make sense. Veg is just veg, it's always vegan. Does she want to put bacon in all her veg and cook potatoes in goose fat or something?!

I'd just tell her that there is no room to cook any extra veg, so she cannot do her own. If she wants meat gravy she could bring her own instant gravy if she wants. As for the comment about wanting your children to try bacon?! She's being very rude and overstepping! I'd be tempted to tell her that too.

It's not just about letting the kids choose it's about not wanting them to be offered meat in the first place! If someone offered my kid meat in my home he wouldn't eat it but he might feel uncomfortable and would definitely feel confused about why my friend was offering him meat! It's just an unnecessary situation. Vegetarian/vegan children are people deserving respect as much as adults are and any guest in a vegetarian/vegan house would be extremely rude to offer their host meat to eat! Why is it ok to do it to kids?

Veg is just veg, it's always vegan Oh, in only that were true! People often add butter, goose fat, bacon etc...

If she really wants meaty gravy can she not buy a tub of the fancy stuff from M&S and stick it in the microwave? Not sure what the intention is with the veg - perhaps Brussels sprouts suddenly become edible if injected with bacon juice?

I don’t agree, PurpleDaisies. If the op is going to introduce meat to her children, that is up to HER, not the cheeky fucker guest and I’m sure she’d use a ‘healthier’ meat. I’m sure the guest would not be keen on looking after the children when they get stomach cramps due to the high fat content.

She has no right to tell you what you can and can’t feed your children. And if she wants animal fat potatoes and gravy she can make it at her own house the day before and reheat it at the last minute.

I would be suggesting she had Christmas on her own tbh - any trying of bacon in your home is your choice not a bloody guest to your home!!

I don’t agree, PurpleDaisies. If the op is going to introduce meat to her children, that is up to HER, not the cheeky fucker guest and I’m sure she’d use a ‘healthier’ meat The op surely isn’t ever going to give her children meat. . I wouldn’t give my (hypothetical) children meat. They will be offered it by others at their friends houses, at school etc. I don’t think the sister in law should be cooking bacon at the op’s house but at some point, the children will be able to choose and that shouldn’t be feared.

Tell her to make it at her own house and re heat there. Or not to attend if she’s going to be annoying.

I agree with everyone else. She's being impertinent.

Is this SIL your husband’s sister (so has known him as vegan for decades) or a new partner of one of your siblings? Really weird if it’s your husband’s sister. If it’s a new partner - I’d be slightly more forgiving and be more patient in explaining, but still, the way to address this is to say no. Just no! Your house, your rules. No she can’t make her own potatoes and veg, there isn’t room. Gravy - if it’s granules to add water to then that’s ok surely but nothing involving additional cookware or hob space, there isn’t room. No she cannot feed your vegan children bacon on Christmas Day, FFS, that is massively unreasonable. If these perfectly reasonable limits are unacceptable to her, it’s an invitation not a summons as they say and she doesn’t have to come, simples.

I don't think anyone is "fearing" their children being offered meat, just objecting (reasonably) to a guest deciding to do so regardless of what the host thinks!

Retract the invitation. She sounds like trouble and hassle as well as very rude.

Whilst I wouldn't agree with raising vegan kids, I do think that your SIL is being unreasonable. Vegetables don't need to be non vegan and bacon is probably only being suggested to annoy you (the age old thing of vegetarians stop being vegetarian when they smell bacon bollocks). Besides, if your children wanted to try meat, what is wrong with the joint that is being brought over? It would be healthier than the bacon.

Holy fuck! She sounds a bit unhinged. I’d also retract the invitation tbh, unless she shuts the fuck up about how you feed your dcs. And yanbu re potatoes etc . As if she needs goosefat spuds. Ugh hard work. And I eat meat myself!

I'm the only veggie in my family. So Christmas dinner is always a bit different for me. I make and bring my own main (plus enough to share as people often want to try), my potatoes and some stuffing are cooked separately and then it's all laid out for everyone to serve themselves. I would never demand that I have all my food cooked separately or that everyone tries mine. She's being rude as a guest. I can understand the gravy, but a pre made, just needing heated up is an easy fix. I can almost understand the potatoes as they are apparently amazing in goose fat but everyone I know would be happy with vegetable oil. But the veg is weird. Particularly as every veggie or vegan I know is much better at tasty veg sides. You've already catered for the meat eaters with the roast so I think it's more of a being anti vegan. I think you just have to state what will be happening. It seems fairly obvious there wouldn't be room to cook another meal. If she's staying for a week I think this dinner won't be your only problem. :(

If your dc terribly skinny and malnourished looking then I'd be concerned about them-after being vegan so long I'm sure you know how to properly nourish them and yourselves (not the best at explaining myself-I guess basically you have put your dc on a healthy diet you believe in)

The bacon thing is weird. I'd watch her closely

Personally for me Christmas isn't complete without sausages wrapped in bacon but I wouldn't try and foist my belief on someone who doesn't want to eat them. She sounds unkind