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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Vegan Christmas

110 replies

MaNeOi · 24/09/2018 19:19

Myself my husband and our four kids 10-5 are all vegan. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and have been vegan for 26 and 22 years. Our opinion is that it isn't a decision for everybody however that being said its the decision for us and our kids unless they decide to make the switch. We have hosted Christmas for the past 9 years, we make everything vegan and someone brings a joint of meat and cooks it for the people who want it. However this year my sister in law is attending for the first time ever. She's asked to make her own potatoes, veg and gravy- however there isn't the capacity and there is no need. I have said she can eat non-vegan but I see no reason to cook 2 of numerous things, especially given it is in my house. Finally she is quite outspoken against having vegan kids - and has said she wants them to try bacon on Christmas morning, what is the best way to address this and is this unreasonable? She's staying for a week and I can now only see tension.

OP posts:
EmilyRosiEl · 25/09/2018 01:17

Could you compromise with the gravy so she can have turkey gravy but then say that the veg will just have to do? If she wants duck fat potatoes she can have them at home for new year or something. You are also entitled to say that you don't want your kids eating bacon but you could perhaps ask your 10 year old what they would like to do. I imagine that they might have their own moral ideas about meat already by now anyway.

pumkinspicetime · 25/09/2018 01:21

I would be clear that your DC are raised by you and are not going to be eating non-vegan food, it is disrespectful to stay in your house and try and do this. However I would as far as is practical let her make some of her own food for herself, work out how much space you can squeeze out and let her have this for cooking her meal. I have always been happy to do this for veggies and vegans and would hope that the favour would be returned if wanted.

BarbaraofSevillle · 25/09/2018 04:48

WTF is whether your DCs get to try bacon anything to do with her? That's their decision to make when they are old enough. Your compromise of providing a lovely feast and then allowing meat eaters to add meat is more than generous. No need to deliberately make meaty versions of potatoes and veg just for the sake of it, everything is perfectly lovely without it - as an aside, do you use chestnuts in your nut roast or stuffing, they're lovely and also festive/seasonal. And I say all that as someone who's not vegetarian but chooses vegetarian or vegan options a lot because they often look like the tastiest/most interesting dishes and it's a good way to eat healthier, mostly plants etc. We also had a totally pork free Christmas Day a few years ago, so that everything that was served was suitable for a Jewish guest. There was no reason for anyone to feel like they were missing out on a feast.

derxa · 25/09/2018 05:13

She was really into horse riding as a child and that led to her being into other agriculture things and her social circle is very farm-y which is where I believe a lot of the dislike comes from Hmm Well it's agriculture which provides all of the food you eat otherwise you'd starve. Plus it's only September.

Cupoteap · 25/09/2018 05:24

What rude ungrateful cow. No need to wonder why she's now single.

I wouldn't trust her not to feed the dc something they wouldn't have chosen to eat. Do not let her prepare anything for anyone that doesn't want to be tricked into eating something.

Who does she think she is? Someone needs to talk to her how about your mil?

TheMythicalChicken · 25/09/2018 05:25

Tell her to fuck off. She’s just trying to cause problems. If she doesn’t like the food you’re offering, then don’t come. And your DC’s diet is none of her business.

FurryDice · 25/09/2018 05:30

Your Christmas menu sounds lush, OP. Ignore the ridiculousness of Salemblackcat.and tell your sil to get to fuck. Your house, your rules.

straightjeans · 25/09/2018 06:40

@Salemblackcat Oh. You're one of those people who think calcium is only available via diary products. Cute.

JellyBears · 25/09/2018 06:45

Not keen on the idea of vegan children...however I know nothing about being a vegan so it’s not really mi place or your sister in laws to comment. That said you sound very judgey of her coming from a “farmy” background. I’m sure your vegan lunch will be very yummy I on the other hand would be going elsewhere lol but that’s because I’m “farmy”

NotANotMan · 25/09/2018 06:50

Don't forget the SIL doesn't have to accept the invitation to Christmas with her brother does she? And staying for a week! Who has Christmas guests for a whole week?? The SIL is happy to accept their hospitality but demands special treatment and states her intention to undermine the OP and make her kids uncomfortable. Great.

NotANotMan · 25/09/2018 06:52

Vegan diet in principle is absolutely fine for kids. I would be able to get my kid to be vegan because he won't eat the things like pulses and lentils that bulk up my protein but if I had a less fussy kid I'd definitely lean more towards vegan food for him at least at home.

slookiroo · 25/09/2018 06:53

I'd uninvite her. And people on here who think that raising vegan children is child abuse do a bit of research in to nutrition. Can you let me know which life threatening conditions are caused by a vegan lifestyle? Heart disease? Cancer? Obesity?

EdisonLightBulb · 25/09/2018 06:58

If she wants a meaty Christmas tell her it's time she hosted and stay home. She is totally out of order, and the only concession I would make is to allow her to bring a jar of gravy she made at her home.

user1471426142 · 25/09/2018 07:07

You’re already being accommodating by allowing family to bring a joint of meat and I say this as a meat eater. She is being fussy about potatoes etc. It is hard to cater for multiple people unless you’ve got huge oven space so I would be refusing extra potatoes in the oven too. For veg, she’s just being ridiculous. If she’s desperate for meat juice gravy then she can just buy a pot that can go in the microwave. She is already being demanding but i I think she is utterly unreasonable to be trying to feed your kids bacon. That is not right and she is being beyond a pain in the arse for that alone.

newmumwithquestions · 25/09/2018 07:13

As a meat eater I think she is BVU. That said I don’t see the problem with her bringing meaty gravy and heating it up (it does taste better). Roasted veg with meat fat is yum too but I think it’s massively rude to ask to do that. And trying to feed your children bacon? Grrrrr

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 25/09/2018 07:30

People always say meat gravy tastes better but I don't get it! I really like onion gravy though so maybe I am just in love with that so much that meat ones don't get a look in haha. Op YANBU especially about the bacon.

SequinsOnEverything · 25/09/2018 07:33

If someone coming to my house said they were going to get my children to eat bacon, I would make it clear that if they didn't stop saying that then they weren't welcome. I would be pretty cross that someone was not respecting our family's choices and dd1 would find it quite upsetting to have a relative pushing her to eat bacon.

Tell her she can do things your way or she can not come, it's her choice.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 25/09/2018 07:43

The difficulty with Christmas is that for the traditional meal, there's potentially meat in fucking everything. Including the veg and the dessert! And it's perfectly reasonable for a person to want to eat traditional dishes around a feast day. However, if she really can't cope without animal fat potatoes etc, the onus is on her not to attend, not to expect there'll be room to cook several more dishes. Or to bring ready prepped with her and heat it up. Most people wouldn't have the room to cook two extra dishes when they're preparing a Christmas meal for 9! It's not like you aren't compromising- meat will be provided, doesn't really matter whether it's provided by you or not. And the bacon thing is cheeky as fuck. It's none of her business what your children have for breakfast isn't a selection box traditional.

Mama1980 · 25/09/2018 07:44

Another vegan here (waves Smile)
Your Christmas dinner sounds lovely can I ask do you make Yorkshire puddings, and if so do you have a decent recipe? And could I steal the vegan sausage roll recipe please? Sorry for the derail.

As far as your sil goes personally I'd just not let her in the kitchen. You sound very r,assured and reasonable I have no idea why she's making this a issue.
Also re the bacon my eldest tried meat as per her request, high quality organic bacon at my brothers, she was ill afterward, I'm not sure if it was the meat or the thought of what she'd eaten if that makes sense, but worth bearing in mind.

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 25/09/2018 07:49

Good point, Christmas Day is not the day to risk kids being sick from something they're not used to.

Deathraystare · 25/09/2018 08:06

Well if it all does kick off - you have a valid reason to NEVER invite her again! Sure she can bring anything to hat through but watch her like a hawk!

Deathraystare · 25/09/2018 08:07

heat through not hat through!

kungfupannda · 25/09/2018 08:08

I can sort of understand her wanting goose-fat cooked potatoes, if that is what she likes, but what on earth is she planning on doing to the veg to make it non-vegan? I am the only vegetarian in my family. The potatoes are roasted in olive oil and all the vegetables are just...cooked. I also make my own vegetarian gravy which quite a few other family members have instead of meat gravy - although we do also have the meat version. There's no reason at all why she can't do the reverse - make her own gravy and bring a small amount of meat to cook herself. No need to mess around with separate veg and potatoes - although, for the sake of just getting through the week without constant arguments, I'd be inclined to concede the potatoes if she absolutely must have them cooked in fat.

BobbyBanana · 25/09/2018 08:22

OP your dinner sounds gorgeous. I'd like your Yorkshire pud recipe too as we are going from vegetarian to vegan this year.

I'm incensed on your behalf at the attitude of your SIL.

Her judgement on your dietary choice is ignorant at best. You choose a cruelty free diet - and she wants them to taste meat because she's so sure that just a mouthful and your kids will be arguing the case for kiling animals so they can eat them?

She's nuts tbh and I would feel the need to send her a link to some watching material such as Simon Amstell's film.

BelindaTheBadger · 25/09/2018 08:32

Shit processed meals and foods full of shit junk food and you have the fucking cheek to lecture a vegan. Fuck away off.. Tbf there are plenty of shite processed VEGAN junk foods. Vegan does not equate to healthy. But neither does eating meat. Followers of either diet do not have a hive mind. Sorry, I used to be vegan and have a bee in my bonnet about people assuming all vegans are health freaks. Memorably when I said I drank alcohol (vegan friendly), someone said “ha, well THAT’s not very vegan is it?” Hmm.