"Was it a surprise?"/"was it planned?"

[DannyWallace]

Anyone else get asked this all the time in pregnancy?
I'm 16+4 with my first and pretty much everyone in my life is now aware of this little bean ❤️.
Obviously my good friends/close family know our story, but I'm really shocked at how many random people are asking me this.
One of DHs colleagues saw me in work today and asked me (I've met him once before). A woman I worked with over a year ago (and haven't seen since!) messaged me on Facebook to ask. 3 or 4 others in the past few weeks have also asked.
I don't really know how to answer (Being honest is quite a long story 😂😂 but I don't really want to go into detail with people I don't know!)

AIBU to be getting wound up with this? And anyone got any nice little answers I can give??!

Yes! I never had it with my first two, but I've had it countless times with this little one. Nosey bastards. I never know what to say?!

I get this a lot too. I got it with my first despite being married, homeowner and 30 and I’m getting it with my second, I’m guessing because I will have a small age gap. I’m a quite private person and I find it really intrusive, especially when it’s a random stranger. I usually just say something like gosh that’s quite a personal question! Sometimes it makes them realise how inappropriate it is but others just couldn’t care less. People seem to lose all sense of boundaries when you are pregnant and you become public property. It’s really irritating!

I had it with both of mine. I can understand almost when they asked about the first, but not the second at all. I’m sure if we try again for a third I’ll get the same question!

Oh, so it's not just me!
(I don't know whether to be relieved or not 😂😂)
Part of me wonders if it's because DH and I have been together for quite a while and we are quite sporty (and often go abroad!) and people assume we didn't want a baby.
Ugh, some people just are nosey buggers!
I'm pregnant for the first time and absolutely delighted! I don't understand why people need to know more than that!

Yep! I've been asked all kinds of things! I don't answer their questions though. I just say something along the lines of 'that's a bit personal isn't it' and laugh it off. Nobodies business if it was planned or not! Other unacceptable things I've had:

• bump touching
• comparisons to other people's bodies
• people not letting you do anything because they think you're incapable

Pregnancy is long 🤣

Depending on how contentious you want to be....”Lol, are you seriously asking if we had accidental unprotected sex?” Or, “Oh my, what a personal question!” with a big smile.

I got asked if I had told my mum I was pregnant and was she happy about me having a baby. Same person then went on to ask if the dad was still on the scene. I was 25 and married, granted I did/do look far younger than I am but bloody hell how intrusive !

Yes all the time! People I hardly know saying oh I didn't know you were trying! Well A) why would you know and B) why would it matter??

I had that- along with ‘is your husband happy about it?’ Wow, Just wow.

"Gosh what a rude question!" said with a smile. Replace gosh with bloody hell/jeeze Louise/flipping heck/fuck my face/crikey as you wish!

@Carlita23 I'm not good with people in my personal space....I hate to think what I'll be like if there's any random bump touching!!!

@mimibunz might give that one a go (while smiling sweetly of course!!)

Can't believe what I'm reading here! Some people are just so rude!!!

I have a big age gap between my 2 (more than 10 years) and everyone assumed DS was an accident! I'd often get 'oh wow, that must've been a surprise?'
I wish I'd been more confident to say something cheeky/clever back, but I just went along with it!
The annoying thing was, he was a very much wanted second child but it took years, and several ectopic/miscarriages, before he came along.

One positive thing is that I am now way more careful about not commenting on anyone's baby news with anything other than congratulations!

Yes, it’s rude. The first thing out of my mum’s mouth when we told her I was pregnant with my first was, “oh my god, was this planned?”. I was 31, married, about to finish a PhD, financially stable, both of us with solid professional jobs, and she was very much planned. It made me feel about 16.

Best response I got from someone on here, “Oh yes, I always planned to have children.” Said with a sweet smile and then an abrupt change of topic.

Try “If you’re looking for your own business, none of it is here”

I didn't get that tbh, but I did get a few people (with baby No 1,) saying 'haven't you had that baby yet?' and 'are you having twin elephants? You have been pregnant about 18 months.' This was when I was about 6 months pregnant. (I had foolishly told people at 4-5 weeks in!) Got on my tits it did. When I had No. 2 - I told NO-ONE til I was about 4.5 months in.

They're just making conversation in a vacuous way. Just say you have no idea how it happened.

I really like the "It was a complete accident. I slipped and fell on DH's penis...." It does shut folk up rather .

Ha mokepon I was just going to say the same but with cock instead of penis

"Why are you so interested in my sex life? "

Great minds @Bakedbeans47. It's so mad that people think they have the right to know. I realise it's mostly letting their gobs run away with them but ffs.I had I didnt even know you were trying???!!! Why the hell has it got anything to do with you? Should you take out an ad saying you and your partner are having unprotected sex??
The correct response to anyone's pregnancy announcement is always CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I am also loving “is your husband happy about it” a cracking response would be “not particularly as it’s not his”

I got this a lot. I'm sure it was because we weren't married, despite having been together for the thick end of a decade and living together.... I was always dying to come out with something really snappy like "yeah, I tripped and landed on a cock" but never quite had the nerve. What did work was to smile and say "Oh, we're really pleased." Never had any intrusive follow-up questions to that!