"Was it a surprise?"/"was it planned?"

[DannyWallace]

Anyone else get asked this all the time in pregnancy?
I'm 16+4 with my first and pretty much everyone in my life is now aware of this little bean ❤️.
Obviously my good friends/close family know our story, but I'm really shocked at how many random people are asking me this.
One of DHs colleagues saw me in work today and asked me (I've met him once before). A woman I worked with over a year ago (and haven't seen since!) messaged me on Facebook to ask. 3 or 4 others in the past few weeks have also asked.
I don't really know how to answer (Being honest is quite a long story 😂😂 but I don't really want to go into detail with people I don't know!)

AIBU to be getting wound up with this? And anyone got any nice little answers I can give??!

Crikey @BakedBeans47 did someone actually ask 'is your husband happy?' Anyone asking me this would have got a right mouthful!

I had it a lot with my first. I was tempted to tell them the truth to make them realise what they were really asking 'Well I had just come off my pill because it wasn't agreeing with me and we were meant to be using condoms but in the moment we both forgot. He didn't come inside me but we talked about the risk of pregnancy and decided not to get the morning after pill and just see what happened. So it wasn't planned but we both knew it was a possibility and we're both over the moon actually.' I never did though, what a missed opportunity.

Also had 'is DP the dad?' from TWO people. We'd been living together for 2 years, not ages but surely enough to go on.

The only person that really posed me off with ‘was it planned?’ was the bloody midwife!! I was in a stable relationship and 37 years of age, so errrm, no it wasn’t 😳😳😳

Yes! Also my husbands aunt counted to check if he proposed before or after like she thought that was the reason why! It wasn’t but I was annoyed mainly because he proposed on my birthday (which he’d been planning for months as he’s asked my grandparents permission etc) but we found out we were pregnant on that day too ... which ended I miscarriage

mokepon Wins!

The worst was "were you trying for long" ( Ironic as ds 1 was a rare pill failure). but why on earth would want to know the history of anyones efforts to concieve?

I always wanted to say "No, me and my husband were just having sex for recreational purposes but our plan went slightly awry"

It’s just people being polite, they really don’t care at all.

I was 19 when I got pregnant with my eldest. I got asked “are you keeping it?” Lots!

No chrysalis not me someone else mentioned it and I was just pondering what a funny response it might be congratulations on your pregnancy OP x

I think people are just making conversation. It doesn't really bother me. I just tell them the truth.

No, I never had it. But I had to have fertility treatment, so I guess anyone who knew me would have known they were definitely planned!

I suspect I was so open about it being unplanned I never was asked. Second wasn’t unplanned but I’d not had a period after coming off the pill so we didn’t think we were trying yet. DH was asked by a friend and said it was unplanned for some reason. Weird as I remember our conversation when we agreed to go ahead. I did have a woman ask if DH was the father of the kids - because English women have a reputation for having babies with different men dontcha know. I also get mistaken for younger and get tuts and shock at the news I’m a mum of two. It’s not complementary. I’d never ask this even if I wanted to be nosey.

HazelBite Mon 24-Sep-18 20:59:54
The worst was "were you trying for long" ( Ironic as ds 1 was a rare pill failure). but why on earth would want to know the history of anyones efforts to concieve?.........................................................................................Hazel sometimes people say that when they have been trying for a long time unsuccessfully. Sorry, still no paragraphs! When I became pregnant I was married, working, we'd bought a small house, still young, someone said to me, "I didn't think you'd conform to type". I kid you not. A visitor came round to see me and my baby who was a few months old, I was very fond of her and hadn't seen her for a long time. She asked me why I had a baby - was I desperate to have a baby. I'm very careful what I say when someone announces a pregnancy or has a baby.

I could have written this! I am only 10+ weeks and haven't told any family or friends yet as we want to wait until after the scan. I have however told a few colleagues as it was fairly obvious from how rough I was feeling. First question out of several mouths was whether or not I'd planned it! So taken aback...its so rude. My MIL who is staying with us at the moment has obviously twigged something as she told me in quite a confrontational manner that I looked like I had a bump and whether I wanted to tell her anything. I'm 10 weeks and definitely don't have a bump at the moment...I'm a 12-14 so have a squidge of tummy fat that she was pointing at. Told her no and thanks for calling me fat!

When I told my manager she said oh did you mean to get pregnant. I was gobsmacked like cheeky cow. I will add I have been with my husband 8 years and married 2 it's not exactly shocking.

Got asked this so much.

Including by my sexist boss.

I was 30+ and married, why does it matter?

Also how long did you try for when you said it was planned.

Annoying.

People are nosey, I'd be tempted to ask why are they so concerned with my sex life . I had a neighbour say to my husband , we weren't married at the time , aren't you great not to run off . I know we were Young but I thought that was so rude

Mine was planned but I know for a fact everyone has said they don't think he was. Their logic is because I waited so long to have DS, but if I managed to go 8 years without a contraception failure, why is it more likely he is an accident than planned? No clue and for most people it doesn't make you love them any less so why does it matter?

In laws asked this about our second. I was a bit offended - it was as if they thought the only way we’d do it again was if it was an accident!

I had it from a consultant when I was in hospital following a traumatic missed miscarriage. I was clearly devastated so I had no idea why she was asking, it was pretty bizarre...

I have no idea why people think it’s an appropriate question to ask. I’m 34 weeks and my DC keep asking why everyone is always asking me about it . DS (8) actually asked me yesterday whether I find it annoying, he wanted to know why everyone is ‘nosy’ and wants to know when the baby will be born.

Pregnancy does seem to make a woman public property in some way.

"is the father around?"

Um yes. He's right beside you.

I had this a lot for number 3. My response 'do you know how much sex you have to have to get pregnant at 42? ALOT.'

Some random work colleagues regretted asking. Serves them right. Nearly as bad as getting asked 'Awww are you disappointed?' when people found out we were having boys 2 & 3.

People ask this like they have the right to know. It's annoyingly.
Ours was planned so we just said yes very much so. If not we would have said no but we are very happy regardless. No details just a simple short answer