WIBU to retrain in a career where I would earn far less money?

[Ennirem]

I am currently a professional within HE. Best prospects in my specialty I could one day hope to earn say £60k pa (currently around £30-40 depending on institution/role).

But...

I want to work in a nursery with babies/toddlers. They are just the best, whenever I go to drop off/pick up my daughter I just want to stay there all day, and not just for her - even the waily ones I just love them and could spend all day with them. I find nothing more interesting or enjoyable than being with little ones, even the nappies and the yucky bits.

Best money I could EVER hope to make in this field is less than I'm on now - and doing the room work, which is the bit I'd like, I'd not break £25k.

So would this be totally unfair to my (higher earning) partner and daughter? We'd still be able to have a decent life, but I wouldn't be contributing equally and we would have less money spare for nice things like holidays, extracurricular activities, days out etc.

WIB totally U? I know if I asked my DP about it he wouldn't stop me, but he's very outcomes focused so I know he wouldn't understand why I would voluntarily reduce our income either...

Could you downsize your house/mortgage etc?

If you NEED all your income then that will be hard to drop it by £35K a year. But if it's doable financially, then go for it! You sound passionate about it.

Personally, no I wouldn't restrict my earning power and independence.

No one knows what the future holds. But as someone who is getting divorced and managed to buy my own home, support my kids and no worry about money....I wouldn't ever reduce my earning power. I am so grateful for my career and earning potential.

But that's not to say yabu. We are all different.

Speak to your DH. If he agrees (you’re a partnership and I’d hope he would check with you too before making a decision that affects the whole family) then go for it. I’m in a relationship where we’re both okay earners, (not sure if we’re considered ‘good’, MN has a very skewed perception of wages I find!) but my partner’s job is incredibly stressful. When he was talking last year about maybe wanting to stop his current career and start again in something earning a lot less I was all for it as his enjoyment of his work matters more than having excess money floating around and I know we’d do fine together on less than we’re on now.

Talk to him!

I have just done this - switched from a higher paying career with better prospects that was making me miserable to a lower paid career with zero prospects but which I feel passionate about and am much happier doing. I sometimes wince at my payslip and wonder how I ended up on such a shocking salary at my age. I also feel guilty that dh is the higher earner and that I can no longer come anywhere near his salary ( not that his is that great ). However, we have no mortgage, plenty of savings ( due to dh inheriting money) and I am not bothered about expensive clothes or holidays so I am putting happiness over money for once in my life.

Would you really get anywhere near 25k? I assumed it was a near minimum wage job? I went from 50k engineering job to a healthcare professional but knew I could make 37k at top of band so was ok with that. Don't think id have dropped much lower....I had to work up to that but knew with annual increments I'd get there.

I think you would be making a huge mistake. Financial security is so important and it's impact on every aspect of your life can't be understated. With each passing year, supporting your child only gets more and more expensive, and living expenses aren't going to reduce, either.

Also, if you would be honest with yourself, I don't think you would be thrilled with your partner if he were the one who wanted to do something like this. I think you would be very resentful that so much pressure would be on your shoulders just because he prefers to work with babies all day.

The pay is really low - pretty much minimum wage - £15k a year. Would you actually want to do that job for 40 hours a week?

How about becoming an early years teacher? Although the salary isn’t great.

I'm currently retraining after leaving a career earning at my peak 80K when I was 31 to a job that will start my on 25K and earn up to 35k but I'm happy and fulfilled and my relationship with my partner is better. I truly hated the person I was in my old job, I barely recognised myself. My mental and physical health has also improved dramatically. If you can make ends meet, do what you love!

I guess the unfairness is the main thing I worry about - him knowing our financial survival depends on his job. I think it's probably just a dream. Maybe once the mortgage is paid off.. but I'd be pretty long in the tooth by then, nursery seems to be a young woman's game (which I suppose makes sense as it's very physical work). I think I'm just having a general wobble having gone back to work after mat leave to a job only tangentially related to my specialty (just what was available in my new city at the time alas) and basically not wanting to be away from my baby, or doing things I don't think matter all day if I am going to be apart from her. I want to enjoy my life, and enjoy her while she's in it. But I am probably underestimating the negative impact such a major reduction in income would have on us all

I know I used to feel like this when I dropped dd at nursery, but now that she has outgrown that stage, I find I'm no longer quite so interested in children of that age. I think you might be right about this being a temporary wobble. It gets better!

I just feel that it's ridiculous we spend so much of our lives away from our children and doing things we don't enjoy or care about, so we can have nice things in the remaining 20% or so of it we're not asleep. What's the point of a nice house if we're hardly ever in it? What's the point of having a child if she's in nursery 9-4 5 days a week? The balance is just all wrong, and for what, really? Having a spare bedroom and two receptions instead of one? Being able to go abroad for a holiday instead of camping in the country? At one year old, she doesn't give a damn where we are as long as we're together... I just feel like the life we've designed, the 'financial security' it seemed so important to have established before we had her if we wanted to be responsible, just gets in the way of everything she actually wants or needs.

I would think very carefully about this and not just the money side. I worked in a nursery setting for 20 years and I loved it but the wages are low and the work is very, very hard. Not just physically but can be mentally and emotionally stressful too. There is also lots of paperwork that has to be done alongside everything else. Not intending to insult you but many people just don't realise what is involved, I long ago lost count of the amount of people telling me how lucky I was just playing with little children all day long. I found it very rewarding, I worked with some very deprived children and families, but it was totally knackering.

The difficulty is DP does not feel the same. He thinks she will value disposable income more when she's older than she would time spent together now. And his priorities are the 'sensible' ones, so...

beelover I'm sure you're right - I have no idea what's involved beyond 'looking after children', so I'm coming at it very ignorantly. Good for you though, it is absolutely the most important job as far as I can see.

I think if I was doing something a bit meaningful, or even helping people to do so, I'd feel better about it all. But this is just a pointless job in the grand scheme of things.

What you need to consider is whether you feel as you do because of the stage your DD is at. I found babies adorable too when mine were so. 15 years on, I can't stand being near one and am one of those boring persons who will move carriages on a train to avoid in being in the same one than a baby if possible!

I think you need to chill out and not make any huge decisions. You are feeling the way you do, in part, because you have just gone back to work. Both you and your Dp are right. She doesn't care where you are or how much money you have. But probably, she will appreciate the experiences having spare money gives when you are older. Neither makes kids happier. Many kids whose parents work are happy and many kids who's families are skint are happy. But I don't think either of you are wrong as such. Just thinking if your child at different ages.

You won't see her more if you work in a nursery. They won't let you work in the same room with her.
Unless are you going to work part time? Which possibly could do in current job.
I'd do a stint in a nursery. A few weeks as an assistant first. With a DBS you can. I worked in one for 6 weeks. See if you actually like it.

A friend of mine works in a nursery. She has years of experience and a relevant degree but they pay her minimum wage and treat her like shit. Less than minimum wage in fact, when you add in the unpaid overtime they guilt her into doing! I hate my job but at least they pay me properly; I wouldn't pack it in for the same shit with less money.

I gave up a relatively well paid job that was making me utterly miserable for a lower paid job that I love and feel passionate about. DH wasn't resentful at all, in fact he was incredibly relieved as he hated seeing me so stressed out and overworked. I suspect I'm a much easier person to live with now I'm happier and not worrying about work all the time! We could afford for me to to take the pay cut without it having a big impact on our finances though. If it had meant us really struggling to make ends meet, having to downsize etc I'm not sure I would have taken the leap.

I did a milder version of this and 2 years down the line the financial sacrifice is having more of an effect than I anticipated- I had planned the loss of income etc to get experience but still find it hard going. Also you feel like your diminishing your prospects of being able to get a well paying job in future, that’s the real problem for me, the lack of progression id get if I stayed in this job.

Honestly I would never pay to earn less (which is in effect what retraining is doing) if your emd game was running tour your own nursery or something fair enough otherwise why don’t you be a nanny or childminder it pays better...

OP have you thought about volunteering with kids? It’ll give you some hands on experience to see whether you actually do want to be with them for several hours at a time! And you might get your need to do this work met without sacrificing your career. You could probably even reduce your hours at your current role to take on equivalent hours volunteering for more money than you’d get just fully transitioning jobs. It’s what I did, I worked in a bank and volunteered in prisons.

OP - totally empathise. I too think the balance is all wrong, and I do not want to be away from my children. BUT I urge you to look at your current role and how that could be made more flexible, rather than leaving it and retraining. If your budget might support a massive pay reduction, it can support a switch to fewer hours. Maybe a switch to fewer days or (and this is what I would love to do) finishing at 2:30/3 so you could be there to pick up the kids and learn about their day/have the afternoon/evening with them.

The time with her now IS valuable, but you don’t need to work in a nursery to get that (in fact the part time nursery salary would be even lower). What you need is flexible working for your family and your little one. That seems a more sensible discussion to have with him - a career break, a more part time role, or something like that. Also, is your HE job academic term time only? Because that could have value to you in a couple of years.