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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taken his friend instead of me wtf

104 replies

Karigan198 · 24/09/2018 08:51

Totally prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable if it’s me! Also fully recognise it’s a first world problem lol.

My partner and I have been together just under 4 years. We both love a certain film series.

Yesterday he says to me ‘when. ** comes out in 2019 I have to go watch it with (his friend)’

They were good friends, used to live as housemates and saw all the others in the series together but he’s seen this guy twice in the last nearly 4 years!!

This is a film that he knows I love and intend to watch when it comes out.

He saw my face and changed it to ‘I’ll watch it twice, once with BF and then with you’

Now I don’t mind going with BF. Make it a group thing maybe, but to put a guy that he hasn’t even spoken to much for years ahead of me is pissing me off. Why can’t he watch it with me then go see it with BF for instance?

I’m probably being oversensitive as a few things are making me feel a bit useless at the moment (not him- medical)

OP posts:

explodingkitten · 24/09/2018 09:16

Yeah, I'm going to see the second oart of IT when it comes out with my friend. We both were bookworms and loved Stephen King so I really feel that I should see it with him instead of DH.

I share a part of my life with DH. We are not joined at the hip and shouldn't be. That would be suffocating. We have our own things that we do with other people.

SilverApples · 24/09/2018 09:17

Yet another ‘But we’re a couple, we should do everything together’ post.
And a lack of understanding that true, deep friendships don’t rely on being in regular contact.

KC225 · 24/09/2018 09:17

I would have replied. 'You can go with whoever you want because we probably won't be together by then'. I would have parked that there and made a cup or something. No I am bit telling you to LTB but bloody hell he rates himself doesn't he - throwing you a crumb invite to a film next year. He needs into get over himself.

DonnaDarko · 24/09/2018 09:17

Don't you have friends?

bobstersmum · 24/09/2018 09:21

It's Toy Story isn't it?

Karigan198 · 24/09/2018 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScabbyBabby · 24/09/2018 09:22

I'm in agreement with Klutzy.

He could tell from your face what you were thinking which is why he hastily added he would also watch it with you. Heaven forbid he spends any time with his mates!

You sound controlling and clingy. You actually care what order he watches the film in with either of you and you think that if he watches it with friend first then it means you come second? That's how your post reads anyway.

I wonder why he hasn't seen his best friend hardly in 4 years? My bet is because you give him grief. It appears you didn't even have to utter a word he could tell by your face. I feel sorry for him. Allow him to see his friends. Don't you see yours?

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 24/09/2018 09:23

I wouldn't like the fact that the order he's laid down suggests you have to wait until after he's seen it with the BF. I'd be tempted to go first on my own then drop some totally made up spoilers

Sommelierrrr · 24/09/2018 09:24

Why has your partner stopped seeing friends over the time you've been together?

I don't think that is healthy. I think it points to codependency. Which always becomes toxic.

Are you like this every time he wants to do something without you?

Yes your reaction is way ott and controlling in my view.

KlutzyDraconequus · 24/09/2018 09:26

The bitches were quick to pop out the woodwork today weren’t you

The bitches only get released on fuckwit topics that most adult humans could deal with without posting on a forum.

Lmao...

ScabbyBabby · 24/09/2018 09:27

Your opening line, 'Totally prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable if it’s me!', doesn't hold much weight since your most recent comment.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/09/2018 09:27

Why has your partner stopped seeing friends over the time you've been together?

He's stopped seeing one friend as much. But of aeap to op has stopped him seeing them all because she's controlling.

Lives move on.

Doesn't mean he can let her ruin Avengers 4 though

Haireverywhere · 24/09/2018 09:28

Hi OP.

As soon as I saw the trailer for the new Mary Poppins I said to DH that "I have to see this with name of DB!" We had a Dick van Dyke obsession in our childhood and at that point I didn't know he had a cameo even in the new film. It's normal to have shared traditions and enjoy that with people who you had in jokes or history with even if only once a year or less. It isn't a reflection on you unless he doesn't want to make new memories or have "your thing" together too.

Fontrieu · 24/09/2018 09:31

We all have that friend that you might lose touch with for a while when life gets in the way but when you get back together nothing has changed, as if you only saw them yesterday.
The fact that he has only seen the friend twice in four years will not change anything if they have the shared connection. It sounds like they are overdue for a catch-up.
Watch it with him a second time. It doesn't really matter does it?

TidyDancer · 24/09/2018 09:35

OP's reaction to the responses tells you everything. Calling people bitches for telling her what she doesn't want to hear. Feel sorry for the partner in this scenario.

BadgersBum · 24/09/2018 09:35

Why don't you see if one of your friends wants to go, then either all go as a 4 or just see it separately? It's obviously their 'thing' to see them together.

gimeallthecake · 24/09/2018 09:37

I wish all my problems were this easy

IrmaFayLear · 24/09/2018 09:38

It's a bit of a giveaway that you have been going out with the guy for four years and he's only seen his friend twice in four years.

I know what it's like. Someone doesn't actually have to say, "You're not seeing Mick." It can be a drip, drip of "Oh, but I was planning a night out with you then," or "But we've arranged to see Anna and Jim that week and I'm sure they can only do Thursday." And so on and so on... until partner throws in the towel and can't be bothered.

Ifailed · 24/09/2018 09:38

OP: AIBU?
MN: Yes
OP: Your'e all bitches!

puzzledlady · 24/09/2018 09:40

OP you sounds really rude - this is a total non issue and you sound like hard work. You asked on AIBU, didn’t like responses and so decided to proceed with foul language? To the OP who asked how old you were - I’m guessing you are very young. An adult wouldn’t respond like you, and over a film happening in 2019!!! Good grief. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 24/09/2018 09:42

Personally I think that it’s healthy to have friendships outside of a marriage so I’d be letting him go with his mate. Then you can see it with your friend?

LuluJakey1 · 24/09/2018 09:49

Oh dear, it's too early in the week for fall-outs!

lottiegarbanzo · 24/09/2018 09:52

I understand. You want to experience it for the first time, together.

However, I think his loyalty to his friend is actually a really good thing. It shows he has loyalty, integrity, forms real relationships and has the ability to make his own choices - he's not someone who just drifts with the flow e.g. of being in, or out, of a relationship.

That bodes well for his relationship with you too.

(Probably. Unless it was just unthinking, or he's an inflexible creature of habit).

Loonoon · 24/09/2018 09:55

I hope this isn’t interpreted as bitchy but YABU. It’s a long standing tradition with his mate. Let him continue that and enjoy watching it with him the second time around. Or go on your own.

itswinetime · 24/09/2018 09:59

Totally prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable if it’s me!

I feel this thread was started under false pretense but anyway. simply but you BF was saying to his friend we should do more the film was just a suggestion for something to do it was a quick of the cup remake that did not require you to pull a face.

As for you friend that wants advice there is great advice here always has been but it tends to be blunt and too the point not much sugar coating so it depends what she wants really what people really think of her situation or a load of reassuring bollocks that she is right when she may not be.

Ps what film is it if its toy story who wouldn't want to see it twice.

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