Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Aibu to think that could’ve just given me the key code?

70 replies

IChangedMyNameBcozIWasHigh · 23/09/2018 22:42

About 3 months ago, we moved into a flat. 3 of us share the garden, All leasehold with the freehold Owned independently. We are ground floor so our kitchen door opens onto the garden. Other flats use a gate at side of garden to get in. It has a key code. DH and I don’t know this code and would like to for fire escape purposes (I have PTSD from being locked in a ship toilet whilst the alarm was sounding)
2 other couples who share garden have the key code. All fine. Everyone could access garden. The 2 other couples are parents of people I went to school with. I had a lot in common with and got on well with.
Today we asked if we could have the key code just in case of a fire as we would need to escape.
Neighbors have refused - saying they all need to meet to decide if I can share access with them.
AIBU to think 4 adults who have all known me since I was 11 could share access in an emergency?

OP posts:

RangeRider · 24/09/2018 08:42

What happens if your kitchen was on fire and your access to the garden was blocked?
Then OP would presumably go out the front door and wouldn't need to enter the back garden at all? If there was a fire (unlikely) then you could either get out the front or you could get out into the garden via the back door. If you can get there from the kitchen then it's unlikely to be so serious a fire that you need to escape from the garden through the gate, and if you do need to escape further then I'm sure the panic would get you over the fence without issue. Chances are there would be a neighbour there anyway who would open the gate themselves. I can't see why you're so bothered. You can get into the garden. That's the important thing. Most back gardens don't have gates.

ApolloandDaphne · 24/09/2018 08:55

How very weird that they won't give you this? What possible issues can they have? You already have access to the garden so surely it makes sense that you can access it by the side gate too? I would check with your lawyer on this one.

nellly · 24/09/2018 08:56

Those saying "what if there a fire and op couldn't access garden" well she already can access the garden, via her house!! She wants to be able to leave the garden via a locked gate! Is there a path down the side of the house? Your deeds may not give you a right of way over it so they may be financially responsible for the path gate etc and worried about cost

Travis1 · 24/09/2018 09:07

Would you be walking across their land to access your house from the back gate or something if you came around that way? That's such a strange thing to not give you the code.

CircleofWillis · 24/09/2018 09:19

OP does the gate open up to private or public land and if private do you normally have access to this area?

Original poster

IChangedMyNameBcozIWasHigh · 24/09/2018 09:49

Gate goes to our communal large car park for other houses and flats. We all pay a surcharge for the car park and garden.
It’s fine. I’m just a bit narked that they have all known me since I was a kid and seem to infer that I will do some kind of damage to the property- it’s all v odd.
Oh well. I was feeling v anxious about it all but I’m less so now. DH reckons he can just kick the gate down in an emergency.
There are no rights of ownership to any particular areas - we all have an easement from the freeholder to use it?

OP posts:

ProfessorMoody · 24/09/2018 10:12

So if you come home with grobags, a mower, gravel etc for your garden, at the moment they'd expect you to unload your car and take it through your house?

That's not right OP. You need the code.

RangeRider · 24/09/2018 10:24

So if you come home with grobags, a mower, gravel etc for your garden, at the moment they'd expect you to unload your car and take it through your house?
Given it's a shared garden I'd expect OP to be discussing the gravel & grow-bags with her neighbours first.....

ProfessorMoody · 24/09/2018 11:06

I realise that

Original poster

IChangedMyNameBcozIWasHigh · 24/09/2018 12:32

Yeah I wouldn’t be doing anything crazy. Occasional access if I forgot my front door key, maybe when we eventually move out we could use the gate as it’s flat to the car park and obviously as I said if there was a fire.

OP posts:

Smallhorse · 24/09/2018 13:00

If we don’t have a drawing it’s not real

Dollymixture22 · 24/09/2018 13:10

OP I suspect the last owners of your flat hadn’t the code. If they didn’t it was probably an oversight. I can’t see any reason why you don’t have access to this gate. I assume you the same as the others and this pot of money is used when necessary for the gate and key pad.

I still say a quick email to your solicitor will rectify this. You can then say there seems to have been a misunderstanding I have check with our conveyancing solicitor and we hav equal rights to use the gates. I know you are reluctant to give me the code, so I will contact the management company,

pippa999 · 24/09/2018 15:01

@MartagonLilies

I think it's be fine for them to give you the code. I agree with pp who mentioned that you should have an exit not involving any codes.

Also, and I know this is totally not relevant to your aibu I just have to ask, do you really have PTSD?

It's a serious thing, resulting from a seriously traumatic experience in someones life, such as cancer, sexual assault, military combat, abuse among other distressing, life altering situations.

The results of suffering from PTSD take over peoples day to day life, to the point that they are totally controlled by it.

If you do have this, you should really seek treatment. If you don't, and just have some unpleasant memories, than you should stop claiming you do have it.

How rude!

You can have PTSD from ANYthing that has hurt or upset you, or freaked you out.

I was locked in a dark, built-in wardrobe, by my cunt of a male cousin when I was 7-8 years old, and left there for THREE HOURS, while he fucked off out. (My parents just thought I was playing out with my cousins...)

It was 30 years ago, but since then, I have suffered crippling claustrophobia, and freak OUT if I am in a small space (or even a small room) where I cannot get out. I literally cannot get into a lift, and frequently have to walk up 4 to 8 sets of stairs at work, and when I go anywhere that has a number of floors!

I also cannot use a portaloo on the street or a train loo as they shut electronically, and I basically cannot go into anywhere with a door that locks, if there is no other way out! Some days, it has a profound affect on my life, and is a pain in the arse.

Who the hell do you think you are to accuse someone of making shit up like this, or saying people only have PTSD after being at WAR, or a serious assault etc?

OP, YANBU, and you DO need to get this code. Can you not go back to the person you bought the place from?

pippa999 · 24/09/2018 15:03

It also affected things I did with my kids, as I cannot go into mazes, or halls of mirrors and things like that, as I get freaked out.

Duckherding · 24/09/2018 15:44

Just wanted to add a fuck you to the poster who suggested that they can decide what can and can not cause PTSD. Dangerous and not helpful.

MartagonLilies · 24/09/2018 18:27

Who the hell do you think you are to accuse someone of making shit up like this, or saying people only have PTSD after being at WAR, or a serious assault etc?
Just wanted to add a fuck you to the poster who suggested that they can decide what can and can not cause PTSD. Dangerous and not helpful.

I didnt accuse anyone of making shit up. Nor did I say I decide what causes PTSD Anyway, the post a few above proves my point. That is not what really PTSD is - as described in medical journals - not me! That sounds like what is traumatic flashbacks of an unpleasant experience. FFS its like when people claim to have OCD because they feel uncomfortable in messy houses, so self diagnosis. That's what is dangerous and not helpful. It undermines those that truly suffer from these conditions.

MissusGeneHunt · 24/09/2018 18:40

As always, some really un-fucking-helpful and frankly crap answers. You know who you are.

Forget all them, OP. It would be really helpful from a fire prevention / lack of escape point of view if you could draw a diagram of the ground floor of the building, with the available exits on, as I'm a bit lost with the number of possible exits to provide any other answers (in terms of egress routes). Could you do that? By the way, I (and I'm sure the majority) do understand, and believe, that you've had a myriad of concerns. Are any of the shared exits labelled as fire exits?

ProfessorMoody · 24/09/2018 18:41

To be fair pippa, that doesn't really sound like PTSD.

Shallishanti123 · 25/09/2018 07:22

So many keyboard fucking psychiatrists on this thread. Get off your high horses... it is IMPOSSIBLE to diagnose someone (or say that they don't have an illness) based on a handful of posts on mumsnet. Fucking woodcutters.

bellabasset · 25/09/2018 07:33

Of course you shoukd have the code in a shared garden, petty not to have been given it. Contact solicitor for it.

Flip

1 2 3