Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU not to want to meet for breakfast?

52 replies

WallabyWay · 23/09/2018 13:30

I'm part of a group of five friends who meet every 2 weeks for lunch. We see each other now and again on other occasions.

We've been doing this for some time, but now the group want to switch to meeting for breakfast. I have no problem with them doing this, but I personally don't want to attend the breakfast meetups.

The reasons for this are 1) I don't eat breakfast. I can't bear to look at food until after 12, sometimes later. 2) The smell and sight of food at that time in the morning makes me feel ill, especially when I'm suffering from my regular episodes of vertigo/nausea. 3) I have autism, anxiety and depression and meeting as early as they want to is a very bad time for me. I struggle to get out of the house then, or function when I do.

I told a friend that it doesn't suit me, but to have a goodtime and I'll arrange to see them at other times. She wasn't happy and said that I'm going to make everyone feel bad, which is not my intention.

So Aibu to not want to attend?

OP posts:

megletthesecond · 23/09/2018 13:31

Yanbu.
I have IBS so wouldn't meet at breakfast either. I'd have to facetime them from the loo .

Lemontart25 · 23/09/2018 13:34

No of course not, if it doesn't work for you I think that is fine. Of course as your friend I would feel really disappointed & upset we wouldn't see you as often so would try & keep the lunch arrangement if possible. Or maybe rotate so lunch 1 fortnight, breakfast the 2nd?

As long as you explain it to all of them as you have above I see no problem.

RangeRider · 23/09/2018 13:34

YANBU. I'd prefer breakfast meetings because it would get it over and done with! And it gives me less time to get stressed about it (autism here too). Not to mention the possibility of a full English
But if breakfast isn't your thing then I think it's perfectly acceptable to say so.

XiCi · 23/09/2018 13:36

Why do they want to switch to breakfast?
I'd probably send a group text saying that you really can't do breakfast and all the reasons why. If they are your friends they will understand. Just saying it doesn't suit you sounds like you're just being awkward!

FrancisUnderwood · 23/09/2018 13:37

Oh, who has a social at breakfast? It's ludicrous.

Rock up like Patsy from Ab Fab, swigging a bottle of Bolly, make up down your face, steal a sausage, flick fag ash into someone's scrambled egg, declare you haven't even been home yet and stagger back out like the legend you really are. Just once.

Original poster

WallabyWay · 23/09/2018 13:38

They want to switch to breakfast because they feel that they are losing too much of their day by starting in the middle of the day. I can understand that and appreciate why, and have no problem with them doing so. It just doesn't suit me. That's fine. 4 people should obviously take priority over 1.

I have explained the reasons to my closest friend of the four, but she still insists that I'm going to make everyone feel bad.

OP posts:

JLG19 · 23/09/2018 13:40

FrancisUnderwood reminds me of many a hungover Wetherspoons breakfast in last night's (totally inappropriate for daytime) clothes.

YANBU, OP, but as PP has said, you should explain your reasons otherwise might just be seen as awkward.

AimlesslyPurposeful · 23/09/2018 13:42

YANBU.

If it works better for them to meet for breakfast then great but it doesn’t work for you.

You haven’t asked them not to change your usual lunch to a breakfast. In fact you told them you hoped they had a good time and you’ll see them at some other point. Not sure what more you could do!

If they feel bad then that’s on them, not you. You don’t have to fall in with their plans when it would clearly be more than a little difficult for you.

DanglyBangly · 23/09/2018 13:43

You’re not doing anything wrong and I think your friend is being a bit mean to put this on you. You’re not responsible for them feeling bad.

Alternates is a good idea - lunch one week, breakfast the next?

daffodillament · 23/09/2018 13:43

Can't they compromise, say 1 week breakfast, next week lunch and you get to see them at lunch dates ?

Subtlecheese · 23/09/2018 13:43

YANBU but swanning in at the end of a breakfast shades on, just once to marvel at the morning people would be something I'd want to do.
I do get up early but I am VERY reluctant to be out an about early. Once I am out being social no other jobs get done. I have to "earn" a treat like a meal out. We all have different ways to get through it all. I can't see that adults wouldn't understand that. It sounds like the closer friend is laying it on a bit thick to convince you.

daffodillament · 23/09/2018 13:44

Sorry dangly crossed post.

pumkinspicetime · 23/09/2018 13:47

Maybe brunch would be a compromise for the group, they are good for social gatherings. Personally I like social breakfasts, they are pretty normal in some cultures, but YANBU if they don't work for you. Rotating between breakfast and lunch would seem a possible way forward.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/09/2018 13:47

I am not keen on going out for breakfast either. I am always so hungry when i get up that waiting to eat is almost painful. I would probably go for coffee though but i appreciate you can't do that either. They can feel bad if they want to but you can't change how you feel about going out for breakfast. I agree that some compromise could be made and you could meet for lunch every few times.

picklepost · 23/09/2018 13:47

I think it's fine for you to put out and sensible for the meeting time to change.

Not great that you get excluded though. Could there be a third option or do you genuinely not mind leaving the group?

nikkylou · 23/09/2018 13:49

I love meeting for breakfast! The harvester for instance does unlimited everything for about 8-9 quid so I find it reasonably cheap compared to lunch out!
If you can't face food that early, that's understandable. Explain your reasons to them.
Do you spend the rest of the day with them, if they are saying lunch takes up too much of the day? If they meet for breakfast can you meet after or join them for a coffee when they've finished the food?
What about meeting later for dinner?

Original poster

WallabyWay · 23/09/2018 13:51

I might suggest alternating breakfast and lunch. That's a good idea. If that doesn't work then that's fine by me. I enjoy seeing them and they are good company but if I don't get to attend at all I wouldn't be too bothered. There are other opportunities to see them. My friend seems more bothered by it than me, but then they're all much more sociable people than I am.

OP posts:

Dairymilkmuncher · 23/09/2018 13:51

Could you say to your friend, there really isn't any reason to feel bad, if you want we could meet for lunch every now and again to keep in touch and make you feel better but just keep me out of the regular breakfast arrangements and I defiantly understand why you're changing the plans.

But....could you try and go and not eat anything, maybe if you found the smell of food that early awful could you put a bit on menthol on your collar or try and go to places the aren't as smelly like shopping centre cafes don't tend to smell too much of food and ease yourself into it gently not completely change but if you managed to then it would open up a new part of the day and social encounters even if you're not eating and just having a glass of water. And if it's awful then just say you tried

Oldraver · 23/09/2018 13:55

How early are we talking ? If we go for breakfast it's usually around 10...the place I work in breakfast is till 11.30. Surely that's not too early for you. Maybe you could suggest somewhere in the middle ?

DarlingNikita · 23/09/2018 13:57

YANBU, and I say that as someone who loves going out for breakfast.

A good friend shouldn't go on about making everyone feel bad I'd be tempted to sack off these meetings if that's her approach, but I'm a stroppy cow. Alternating breakfast and lunch is less stroppy and might work really well.

sonjadog · 23/09/2018 13:58

So what's your friends solution? Does she think you should feel ill, nauseous and have an anxiety attack so that they feel good about changing the time to breakfast? And if so, then she isn´t much of friend, is she? I think your solution of leaving them to it and meeting up on other occasions is a much better idea.

XiCi · 23/09/2018 13:59

How old are you all? Your friend sounds incredibly immature. You've told her very valid reasons for not wanting to do breakfast so for her to emotionally blackmail you is really shitty behaviour.

Needahairbrush · 23/09/2018 13:59

I’d hate this, I have crohns and don’t eat until lunchtimes, and spend a fair bit of the morning in the loo, so YANBU. However for fairness I think alternative lunch & breakfast is a good idea.

picklepost · 23/09/2018 14:00

oldraver wow, I was assuming 7am! That's when our breakfast meetings are

Elephant14 · 23/09/2018 14:01

I have explained the reasons to my closest friend of the four, but she still insists that I'm going to make everyone feel bad.

That isn't what a friend would do. Are you or they very young?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread