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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to tell my friend I've seen her boyfriend on tinder?

73 replies

noluckinlove · 23/09/2018 12:36

She's been seeing him 4/5 months only.
It might have been a old profile.
Should I keep my mouth shut or not?

OP posts:
WoollyMollyMonkey · 23/09/2018 13:04

Did she meet him on there? Are you looking for someone on there? If yes, can you ask her to look at it with her ‘seen as she can obviously find a good man’ and accidentally on purpose land on his advert?

TheFaerieQueene · 23/09/2018 13:05

Of course you tell her. How could you look her in the eye otherwise?

Familyfeud22 · 23/09/2018 13:06

I forgot to add, I don't know what tinder's like now because I haven't used it for years. But when my friend saw my bf on there (2/3 years ago) it showed that he hadn't been active for months, and we were always using each other's phones so I know he hadn't used it. Idk if it shows that now though

MarklesMerkin · 23/09/2018 13:07

I'd end a friendship if a friend knew someone I was with was cheating or had a dating profile and didn't tell me. Fuck that shit. I'd feel like they were secretly laughing every time I mentioned something nice about my partner. The trust would be gone forever.

SweatyFretty · 23/09/2018 13:08

Yeah tell her. There might be a simple explanation or there might be something more sad happening. You gotta let her know though.

FrightsaidRed · 23/09/2018 13:08

You have to tell her. You need to have her back on this. It may be innocent, or he may be a total pig, but either way she gets to know. Wouldn’t you want to know if it were you?

Anastassiabeaverhausen · 23/09/2018 13:09

I couldn't imagine any of my friends not telling me something like this. I don't think our friendship would ever be the same.

OpalIridescence · 23/09/2018 13:09

I must have a different definition of friendship.

Of course you tell your friend if you have information she may be hitching her wagon to a total chancer.

Yabu

Blondebakingmumma · 23/09/2018 13:10

Depends how close the friend is. A close friend I would definitely tell. Just show her a screenshot

Whereisthecoffee · 23/09/2018 13:13

Don’t tell him first or in front of her he can hide it then. Speak to her yourself privately this also lessens the embarrassment for her.
It’s better to be in a shitty situation and have anger misdirected than to be a shitty friend.

Busy77 · 23/09/2018 13:14

Why not message him direct on there and ask him if she knows he in on there. I was in a similar situation and this is what I did.

Sunshine365 · 23/09/2018 13:14

Tell her

Agustarella · 23/09/2018 13:14

Tell her. The profile is there for everybody else to see, it's not like he's having a discreet affair that you found out about by some massive fluke. She's being publicly humiliated and she needs to know.

Original poster
noluckinlove · 23/09/2018 13:15

I didn't realise the 7 day thing applied?
I thought if you deleted the app but didn't deactivated you would still be showing.
Ok that changes things ..I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

OP posts:
sprinklesandsauce · 23/09/2018 13:16

I would tell her, it's a public profile. If he has forgotten to take it down then fair enough, but if it has been active in the last week then he must be using it still.

I would want to know if it was me. Does she think they are in a relationship and he thinks they are just dating? Have they made a commitment to each other? Sounds like they need to have a chat.........

Cookit · 23/09/2018 13:17

I’d be flabbergasted if I was dating someone who was active on Tinder and a friend knew and didn’t tell me. I don’t see why you wouldn’t tell. You don’t owe him any loyalty or benefit of the doubt, you owe her.

wtffgs2 · 23/09/2018 13:19

I'd rather be told and as a friend I'd give factual information- "I saw A on Tinder".

What she does with the information is her business- if she is angry with you for telling her - that's her problem too.

youlethergo · 23/09/2018 13:19

I would feel mightily betrayed if my friend didn't help me dodge a bullet.

MysteriousQuinn · 23/09/2018 13:22

Of course you need to tell her, absolute no brainer!

crispysausagerolls · 23/09/2018 13:25

I can’t believe someone wouldn’t tell their friend this!

Original poster
noluckinlove · 23/09/2018 13:32

The only reason I didn't want to tell her was because she met him on tinder and I thought he might just have not got around to deactivating.
I wasn't aware tinder showed uses active in the last 7 days.

OP posts:
whymewhyme · 23/09/2018 13:35

I'd have to tell her!

ems137 · 23/09/2018 13:37

When my DH was on a dating site (obv without my knowledge!) one of the after school club leaders came and told me she'd seen him on there and just said "oh it must be an old profile that he's forgot to take down, thought you'd be able to remind him to delete it"

We both knew that was bullshit but I just felt like it was a kind way of letting me know. If a friend had seen it I'd 100% expect to be told.

I'm glad my friends aren't like some people on here. How mortifying and totally gutting to find out your mates knew all about it and never said anything.

Theimpossiblegirl · 23/09/2018 13:38

I've known my friend for years - noticed her bf with whom she's buying a house - was on it. Not said a word.
Iamtheoneandonly, you are no friend to this woman.

mousetapdancing · 23/09/2018 13:39

Was looking on a dating site, saw my friends current bf on there. Told her. She was upset but furious with him. Years later they are finally splitting and he has been unfaithful to her in that time. She's still mates with me. Not with him. Tell her.

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