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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do men care about their home being clean and tidy? Do they have a routine for housework?

66 replies

HurricaneFloss · 23/09/2018 12:29

Over and over again on MN there are threads asking for cleaning/laundry/household tips as women get stressed about mess and clutter.

Do men put themselves through this anguish?

OP posts:

Onatreebyariver · 23/09/2018 12:30

Yes my husband does. More than me. But he’s not on mn

SilverHairedCat · 23/09/2018 12:30

Mine does.

I'm a slattern who couldn't give a shit.

MrsBartlet · 23/09/2018 12:31

Mine does but as pp said he is not on mn so you wouldn't hear about it!

Hippyshubby · 23/09/2018 12:31

No and no... until we run out of workspace or bowls

Ellisandra · 23/09/2018 12:32

No anguish, he just does it.
Same as me.
Same as most couples I know.
The people on MN are just the ones with an issue.
It’s a total non event for us.
XH, that was another matter

Original poster

HurricaneFloss · 23/09/2018 12:33

I know most men aren't on MN. So I'm asking the women (and men) who are

OP posts:

RedneckStumpy · 23/09/2018 12:33

DH does it, he likes a tidy home and is constantly tidying up after me.

Merryoldgoat · 23/09/2018 12:34

No. He hates housework as much as I do but he does as much as me and we often do it together.

He has a higher threshold for mess though and I’ll get irritated before him.

DramaAlpaca · 23/09/2018 12:36

Mine doesn't, he just cleans when he thinks it's necessary & doesn't stress. I bother about it more. If I've been away DH & our boys will have a mad cleaning binge just before I get back so it looks more like my standards than theirs.

Bambamber · 23/09/2018 12:37

My husband likes a tidy home but strangely doesn't notice when stuff needs actually cleaning. He gets annoyed if I leave things on the kitchen side, but will happily leave shit stains in the toilet. He will clean when prompted but it gets annoying having to point out to a grown man that something is dirty

grasspigeons · 23/09/2018 12:39

My father is very tidy and clean, my husband isn't.

MephistophelesApprentice · 23/09/2018 12:39

No man I've ever met actually cared about new any longer than it took to impress a woman.

PurpleWithRed · 23/09/2018 12:39

DH is the more clean and tidy one in our house. I think his standards are ridiculously high, he thinks I'm a bit of a slattern. Very early on in our relationship we had a frank discussion where I said that it was OUR home, and I would not be conforming to his level of tidiness unless I wanted to; that he was not 'right' and I was not 'wrong'. This came as a bit of a shock to him - his family, army background and first wife's submissiveness had led him to believe his way was the right way.

(For context, the first night I invited him up to bed he nearly couldn't perform because we hadn't done the dishes...)

Once we got past that things were fine. I do up my game when he is home because I know it makes him happy and comfortable; he has learned to live with my very modest floordrobe and to accept that I genuinely can't see that things 'need doing'.

It does give me interesting insight into the women who moan about their men - there is a definite line between 'slightly different standards' and taking the piss.

MephistophelesApprentice · 23/09/2018 12:39

*Cared about mess.

madeoficecream · 23/09/2018 12:41

Mine doesnt at all... apart from about the oven strangely... hes obsessed with cleaning the oven! The house could look like a bomb hit it but he will ignore that and be cleaning the oven... It does wind me up a bit.

He certainly has a much higher threshold for mess than I do.
He genuinely wouldnt notice if I stopped cleaning for quite some time I reckon. He never comments on the state of the house at all.

He does iron his own clothes for work and hes a much better cook than I am.
(Im a SAHM btw so I do expect to be doing the lions share of cleaning jobs)

RangeRider · 23/09/2018 12:42

Some men are perfectly capable, and equally there are plenty of women where you feel like you need to be hosed down & decontaminated after visiting their homes. The sort of house where you feel like putting your shoes ON when you enter and removing them when you leave (and burning them!)

LyndorCake · 23/09/2018 12:45

DH claims he hates mess and clutter.... Yet never puts stuff away!

Bumpitybumper · 23/09/2018 12:45

I find that we each gave aspects of housework that we are particularly bothered about and different aspects that we are more relaxed about. Overall though I would say our standards are pretty similar and neither would be living in a pig sty without the other.

I do tend to think that girls are socialised at an early age to care more about being neat and clean whereas boys are encouraged to get messy. I therefore think it's not really surprising that adult women tend to have tidier/ cleaner homes and place more value on this than men. It may not be true in all cases but I definitely think that at a population level this trend would be proven to be exist Personally I wish it would change and both sexes would be brought up without an overemphasis on this stuff but also with an understanding that it is important to maintain a nice home environment.

WhatAPandemonium · 23/09/2018 12:45

Mine would say he does, but doesn't extend cleaning to beyond hoovering the living room carpet and cleaning the kitchen.

I explain all the time, that we also have toilets, bathrooms, upstairs carpets and furniture which gathers dust but apparently it just doesn't occur to him. Which is funny because I've been explaining this concept to him for about six years.

If I tell him what to do, he will do it. But seemingly cannot work on his own initiative

thistooshallpass2018 · 23/09/2018 12:45

Yeah mine dh is, drives me mad because my natural habitat is a bit of clutter and messy he is the complete opposite.

Upsy1981 · 23/09/2018 12:48

Mine would literally be knee deep in pepsi bottles and crisp packets, left to his own devices! He doesn't care. He doesn't bother about impressing anyone. He does help me (and I deliberately use the word help) as he knows it drives me crazy but if he had his choice, he couldn't care less.

MaisyPops · 23/09/2018 12:49

Mine does.
We both have a typical list of jobs thay we've fallen into doing but if something needs doing one of us will do it.

DH hates hearing men talking about helping with housework. He says it babies men and makes it sound like they're somehow doing an amazing favour to the world .

Fairylea · 23/09/2018 12:50

Yes mine would.

One of the memories of university that he brings up over and over again is when someone used a whole tub of his vanish - as a student it was expensive and he was outraged He is the cleanest person I’ve ever met.

GoldenMcOldie · 23/09/2018 12:51

Yes. If not more than me.

He cannot rest in an untidy house. He will tidy/clean/declutter until it meets his standards.

We make a great team

littleducks · 23/09/2018 12:53

Mine gers stressed by mess.

I don't really care.

But I'd be more likely to discuss cleaning routines online than him.

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