Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Do men care about their home being clean and tidy? Do they have a routine for housework?

66 replies

HurricaneFloss · 23/09/2018 12:29

Over and over again on MN there are threads asking for cleaning/laundry/household tips as women get stressed about mess and clutter.

Do men put themselves through this anguish?

OP posts:

SneakyGremlins · 23/09/2018 12:53

I don't let my flat get dirty. A bit of mess, yes - but while the sofa is full of clothes they're clean, all the bags of books in the corner are because I have no space for a bookshelf and so on.

BuntyII · 23/09/2018 12:53

Mine does get really stressed when the house is untidy, yes. I don't think he realises that's why he's stressed much like when you're hungry and irritable but don't connect the two.

Haberpop · 23/09/2018 12:53

I'm the tidy one in our relationship, he isn't bothered by dust or untidiness but does his fair share round the place. He notices mess/untidiness in the garden more than I do and spends hours keeping it tidy whereas I am not so bothered by a scruffy garden.

QuimNiceButDim · 23/09/2018 12:54

My husband just gets on with it- we both do. Some things we have different standards on.

For example, he’ll vacuum every day, but I won’t. However, I tend to make things look nice as I clean and tidy- he’s more about hygiene than asthetics.

Works for us.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 23/09/2018 12:56

No.

Mine follows instruction but appears to have handed over all decision making / remembering / lists to me. That "mental load" thing.

He also will follow the instruction to the letter but not the spirit. Not in an arsey way but because I think (and I think many men deep down think) it's not really anythign to do with him.

So he'll load the dishwasher for eg but not then go on and give the surfaces a wipe if they need it or do the washing up bits left or whatever.

When I tell him off he looks crestfallen and sadface.

Fuck he'd got a mental age of about 15 hasn't he. He's playing computer games now as well.

Before teh LTB I would say that he always gets up even on late shifts and I can sleep as long as I want (or am able on a work day), is way more maternal than me (patient and kind with the kids, loads of activities, would be the one to spend hours settling DDs when they were small, that sort of stuff), makes very good bread, cakes and scones, and gives fantastic head

bridgetreilly · 23/09/2018 12:56

Do people care about their home being clean and tidy? Do they have a routine for housework?

Fixed that for you.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 23/09/2018 12:58

IME most men seem to be either totally manky or obsessively tidy and neat with ludicrously high standards.

I am not very tidy but fairly organised and have a limit with mankiness that sets in before his.

Stupomax · 23/09/2018 13:07

My husband doesn't have a housework routine.

Neither do I.

Are we both men?

MikeUniformMike · 23/09/2018 13:08

Yes, they do. Single men IME tend to tidy up and have a cleaner.

OkMaybeNot · 23/09/2018 13:12

Generally no.

ShannonRockallMalin · 23/09/2018 13:14

@NothingOn TellyAgain are you married to my DH? Yesterday I asked him if he would strip and remake the beds while I was at work and he was off. He did so, but none of the duvets were quite in the covers properly, and he hadn’t noticed that he’d put them back with the design upside down. Sigh.

1tisILeClerc · 23/09/2018 13:14

There are more important things in life than a clean and tidy house. On your deathbed you won't get extra 'points' for having a spotless house.
Life is for living, not cleaning.

OkMaybeNot · 23/09/2018 13:15

Fixed that for you.

What was wrong with men in the title?

There is a massive problem with women doing the majority of housewor and men not giving a shit, generally.

SweatyFretty · 23/09/2018 13:17

This isn't a man/women thing. It's a people/personalities thing.

DH and I both don't give a flying fuck. My mum doesn't give a flying fuck. My dad is a clean freak. DH mum's main activity in life is housekeeping.

There isn't a correlation between tidiness and gender/sex.

BillywigSting · 23/09/2018 13:17

Two of the cleanest and tidiest people I know are men, my dp and my uncle.

The least clean and tidy person I know is a woman.

It's definitely not a gender thing imo. There just happen to be less men on mn than women

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 23/09/2018 13:17

Yes, they do. Single men IME tend to tidy up and have a cleaner.
Yes, and according to the strange world of MN, many married men on here don't tidy up or clean, or do much childcare, because they expect their wives to do it.

Junkmail · 23/09/2018 13:22

No and I’m not sure why. I’m not sure if he just doesn’t see the mess or that we have very different standards. I’m a bit OTT with clutter and cleanliness. I need to have a tidy clean home or I can’t concentrate. He doesn’t feel the same way although he does frequently thank me for keep the house in shape. To be fair to him I actually like doing it and it sets me a little on edge to see him cleaning or tidying because I like it done my way.

CookPassBabtridge · 23/09/2018 13:23

My dad was the cleaner/tidyer in our house growing up. I do it in this house but when DP does it he is far better than I am.

OkMaybeNot · 23/09/2018 13:23

How can it have nothing to do with sex when according to research, women do 60% more housework than men?

RomanyRoots · 23/09/2018 13:24

Yes, mine.
It's annoying as I've always been a sahm, done the most housework but dh has higher standards than me and goes over what I've done

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/09/2018 13:25

Mine probably does but not enough to actually DO anything to contribute towards it, apart from bitch about the mess sometimes. So tough nuts - if you don't help, you don't get to comment IMO.

My friend is married to a man who likes to live in a show home - she's almost as much of a slattern as I am and told him that if he wanted it to that standard then it was his job to keep it that way - and he does. They don't have children though, so it's easier for him.

Isawthesign · 23/09/2018 13:26

Mine very much does but he only notices the housework he does. He never seems to notice how much I do. He also publicises it heavily whenever he does housework. Still though, he does pull his weight! I'd love a slice of !

Dychmygol · 23/09/2018 13:28

I never fret about housework. DH has a particular way of doing things so unlike the early days when I endeavoured to meet his standards I just let him crack on with it. There are plenty of other things that need my time and attention anyway with two girls and a full time job so perfectly happy for him to take the lead on all things cleaning related.

Washedwithrain · 23/09/2018 13:29

Mumsnet is a site aimed at women, so the demographic is bound to include women, some of whom ask about household tasks.

As for do men care or have a routine? Some men do, some men dont. Some women do, some women dont. It isn't related to sex.

SweatyFretty · 23/09/2018 13:30

How can it have nothing to do with sex when according to research, women do 60% more housework than men?

It's interesting isn't it? Preferring a tidy home isn't the same as doing the housework. Men and woman care about their homes being tidy in equal numbers. It's just that far too many men use their partners as their tool for doing the cleaning (playing off that female disposition to ensure male happiness above all else).

I hope I'm explaining myself - quite aware that I'm tired and words aren't flowing very easily for me today.

Flip

1 2 3