Who gets to watch the TV, DD or DH?

[isadore]

I'm about to go to bed. DD(18) is usually always in her room at this time, but DH is our working. She knows what time he gets in and he always has the TV at night when we are in our rooms, but DD decides she'd go and watch something on catchup, knowing what time DH gets in and she is literally 15 mins in and DH wants to watch the TV and has said she'll have to go up and watch something or watch the show he wants. I'm really on the fence. Of course this is literally so unimportant, but so are most things on here.

She was there first, he can't just turf her out of the way because he's come home.

Does DD pay rent? If not then your DH watches what he wants as he pays the bills.

She doesn't pay rent, no.

DH - is at WORK
Works to pay bills

DD doesn’t pay rent , she’s also 18 so she can probably pay for her own Netflix

She should watch in her room

I think probably your H should get to watch what he wants - he’s been out working late and presumably uses the TV to wind down at the end of his working day. It would be selfish and unkind of her to deny him his after-work wind-down time unless there’s a good reason.

She should buy herself a TV for her room.
But DH could just go make a snack and give her 15 mins to finish what she’s watching.

DD - she is a member of the household. So what DP gets home, most people work he's not special

DH

So what DP gets home, most people work he's not special

DP is working to pay for the TV license and pay for the electricity!

Assuming DD has had all day to watch/ do what she wants i mean

So he always gets first choice of what's on the TV in your house? And the rationale for that is..?

Go to bed and let them sort it out!

My DDad used to do this, i remember him doing it from when I was a teenager to an adult paying rent. He would then complain I spent too much time in my room. It made me feel like I wasn’t valued and my feelings didn’t matter, that I couldn’t finish watching something for 20 minutes because he was too important and I was worthless. I know it sounds silly over TV but little things like that can pick away at you.

Whoa, her of course! She was there first and she lives with you and is a valued, equal member of the household!

Genuinely this makes me smile. When my two are commandeering the TV (not even teenagers yet!) I often wonder about all those times when my own dad came home and that was it the TV was turned over to him from that moment except for Star Trek which he "never watched" but always managed to wonder where certain characters had gone or reappeared from...

Seriously though at 18 in 2018 surely she has some sort of smart device? It wouldn't harm her to go upstairs and watch on her own.

She should watch TV on her phone or tablet in her room. She's had all evening to do/watch what she wants; it's someone else's turn now.

She could have watched this show earlier so I'd say she should let him watch something. Not because he's more important or because he pays rent. It's just the considerate thing to do. It would be different if it was live TV and this was the only time she could watch it.

I hate that attitude - your DH is being selfish. She was there first, she lives there.

Does your DH control every aspect of home life on the basis that he's been out to work.

It also pisses me off when people think that some how a child (of any age) is supposed to put their needs/wants to one side because an adult parent is 'working to keep them' as if the child just turned up on the door step one day and has been mooching off the parents ever since, rather than being treated as a valued member of the household. Its one night, your DH is being a dick.

It’s nearly midnight and he’s only just got home from work. This isn’t the patriarchy - this is a man working unsociable hours who just wants to chill in front of the TV when he gets home late. Give him a break.

Can't believe people saying DP!

It's Dd's home. She is not lesser because she doesn't pay rent. Have you asked her to pay rent and she has refused? Assuming the answer is no then of course she should be watching her programme. Unless we are In a 19th century novel where the man of the house has final say I mean ffs it's her home!!

Did I mention thats it's her home?

It wouldn't harm her to go upstairs and watch on her own

It wouldnt harm him either

I wonder if a DS and DW discussion would have the same answers. Someone will be on to tell me it would but I doubt it. To be honest I doubt whether a discussion like that would have made it to an online forum. DW would have happily switched the TV back for her dear son.

Exactly. She's had use of the TV all day but picked a time she knows would inconvenience someone who gets home from work at nearly midnight.

The DH isn't the most important member of the household and he absolutely should not have complete control over what the family watches on TV. But the DD is also not the most important member of the household and she needs to make reasonable, considerate choices. At 18 she's an adult and completely capable of understanding this.

Um, why doesn't she have a tv in her own room? Even in the 80s, most kids had TVs in their room.