Who gets to watch the TV, DD or DH?

[isadore]

I'm about to go to bed. DD(18) is usually always in her room at this time, but DH is our working. She knows what time he gets in and he always has the TV at night when we are in our rooms, but DD decides she'd go and watch something on catchup, knowing what time DH gets in and she is literally 15 mins in and DH wants to watch the TV and has said she'll have to go up and watch something or watch the show he wants. I'm really on the fence. Of course this is literally so unimportant, but so are most things on here.

She has a TV in her room. There is no CatchUp which is part of our Sky downstairs, hence she went down, but she knew he'd be getting home.

It'd be different if everyone getting home at 5:30 and the DH took immediate control of the television. The DD has had free use of the TV all day and could have watch her show - which was on catch up - at any time. Choosing to start watching it 15 minutes before your dad who's been at work all evening gets home and usually watches TV to unwind is just a bit unkind. Sure we'd all like to do what we like, when we like but family life requires empathy and compromise. Watching the TV a bit earlier doesn't seem like a huge sacrifice.

Having said that, if there was only a short while (like 10/15 minutes) left on the show I would probably just let her finish and ask her to watch her shows earlier in the future.

DH wins here. Yes it's also her home but it might not be should her father decide to spend his days camped out infront of the TV doing fuck all else but the occasional trip to the kitchen to put the kettle on. FFS! Of course he gets the final say.

DH should get to watch. Dd could have watched earlier in the evening. To go down and start watching 15 minutes before he comes home from work when she knows it's part of his after work routine is a bit off, imo.

Your dp.

If she has the means of watching it on another device then I don't see the problem. Gosh when I think back to us having only one set and Dad was able to watch whatever he wanted all the time.(Sometimes mum got in first and there was a door slamming paddy and sighing every couple of minutes from him walking in and out the room). Even when he got a tv for the bedroom (black and white) I was watching TOTP in colour and he came in and wanted to watch a REPEAT of a car race in colour so I had to watch TOTP in black and white in his room!

I used to get home late like your DH. If DH was still up, I wouldn't expect him to stop watching something on telly just cos I got home! Same with DH. He doesn't go turning the telly over when he gets home and the kids are watching something.

OP, this is why we got Sky Q, so that we could have the same stuff on the telly upstairs and downstairs. We love watching telly in bed.

My stbxh would do this and it would drive me mad. He would come home in the evening and switch the telly over without even asking me if I was watching or it was just on in the background. He seemed too think his watching telly trumped mine! And yes it may have been 9pm but if I have only got dd both to bed and quite by 8.30 then I haven't been watching it all evening!

My father had this attitude. He went out of his way to insist on having things his way, to put me in my place. Once I was old enough to leave, I barely went back. He never did work out that his crap attitude was what why. So how much does your DH care about your DD?

So only those members of the house who financially contribute should be respected?

How crass and awful.

Your dh is a dick.

I think they should agree on a programme they both like (or at least don't hate), and watch it together.

I'm being serious btw. Watching TV with your teen children is a nice bonding experience.

I remember very vividly living at my parents in my early twenties and paying them rent (post-uni, had a job but not enough money yet for deposit, furniture etc to rent my own place) but they were quite inconsiderate of the fact it was my home too. It was upsetting and caused a big argument in the end.
That said, in your scenario OP I still say your DH should get to watch considering the circumstances. If it’s a short show surely he could make an allowance this one time and for him to make a drink / snack and let your DD finish, but otherwise she should understand he works unsociable hours and this is his routine to wind down. She doesn’t pay rent and is old enough to sort out a way to watch catch up in her room - she could have sky go set up- I’m sure it’s only a fiver a month? In my situation my dad always watched the evening news and I wouldn’t have thought it was fair or reasonable to stick something else on ten mins before it started, and I actually paid to live there! He usually returned the favour though so hopefully your DH doesn’t commandeer the tv all the time and DD does get a say sometimes as it is her home despite her not contributing financially.

Why does DH get to power trip all over her? She’s a person too and deserves to be treated with basic manners. She was there first. If she’s also got good manners she’ll hand over the remote when her show is done.

Doesn’t sound like the nicest attitude among family to be honest.,

Wtf. He thinks so little of her he cant even let her watch one tv show down stairs? He sounds like a controlling twat.

So who did get to watch the TV in the end?

If I got in late from work and wanted to unwind by watching TV I'd be livid if an 18-year-old had comandeered the tv to watch catch-up. She could watch something else in her room and let your DH relax in his own home.

he should watch her programme with her and be friendly, make the most of her company.

She's had use of the TV all day but picked a time she knows would inconvenience someone who gets home from work at nearly midnight.

I agree. If they both got home at 6pm and DH waited to watch it then I'd say she has priority (although it is pretty crap to dance in front of someone who always watches at the same time). However, he hasn't had the chance to watch it earlier so if he doesn't watch it then he simply misses out, whereas she can watch it whenever.

can they not socialise?
all the DH is doing is unwinding?

what an unfriendly family

DP should watch it as everyone else knows when he is coming home. If she is his child and is living rent free etc she is acting as his dependent and therefore does not get equal rights. Seriously, it's just rude. But it's the way society is moving - how many of us would have dared disrespect our parents 20-30 years ago?

It depends. Does he always have the attitude that he gets to watch what he wants?
If so then that's not fair and everyone should get turns.

She's had all evening to watch while her df is working. Tell her to be a bit more considerate and wait for him to come in and watch a programme together.

Really annoying seeing part of a programme.

(Never had this problem when I was at home as we didn't have a TV. We would have sat and chatted with a coffee or cup of tea, discussed politics etc.)

To all those saying 'I moved out and never went back'. I doubt you were greatly missed if you were inconsiderate enough to think it's fine to choose the time your parents got home from an evening shift to watch a show you could have watched at any point earlier in the day/evening. I'd be surprised if this was the only way your selfishness impacted other family members.