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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Legal advice needed ASAP

51 replies

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:27

Posting on behalf of my mum who is currently in a tricky situation. She was married to my dad for over 30 years, he worked and she stayed at home and raised the 3 children. Later she became disabled and couldn’t work.

Throughout their entire marriage my dad was physically abusive to her and emotionally abusive. The police and social services were involved several times as a result but she never pressed charges due to fear.

Once she became disabled he controlled every penny she had, she wasn’t allowed to buy herself anything and he even used her disability money to apply for a car for him to use but wouldn’t take her anywhere.

Anyway fast forward a few years and she finally had enough and asked him to leave, by this point her family knew what was going on and were there to help make sure he left. He did leave taking the car that she was paying for so she couldn’t get her disability benefits back.

She has been struggling financially for the last 2 years while he drives around in the car she paid for, she’s paying all his debts and he’s got thousands in the bank plus a very high works pension that he can cash in.

He has now applied for divorce stating HER unreasonable behaviour!!! That would be her being so unreasonable to not continue letting him abuse her.

She has received a letter asking her to sign and agree to the divorce. She does want the divorce but I believe she should be entitled to some financial support as my dad wouldn’t have all his savings if it wasn’t for her paying for his car, also he wouldn’t have built his works pension up without her raising the children so how can it be fair that he does well out of this and she is struggling like she is.

The problem is she can’t afford a solicitor to argue this and legal aid is no longer granted for divorces. Does anyone know if I’m right that she’s entitled to financial support from him? If so how do we pursue this as part of the divorce without encuring legal fees?

The other option is for her to refuse the divorce and drag it out as he is set to inherit a property shortly which is why he is now issuing proceedings after 2 years.

OP posts:

doglov3r · 22/09/2018 11:29

Legal aid is still granted for divorce if there has been domestic abuse involved. However, it does need to have been reported with the Police and/or a GP. You mentioned the Police, did she report it and not follow through or she never reported it but somebody else did on her behalf?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 22/09/2018 11:34

If he's been fraudulently using her mobility car she needs to report that. She can prove he's been out of her house and still driving her car, and fraudulent use of benefits is taken seriously.
Once he gets out of jail she can divorce him on her own terms, if he's been violent she should get legal aid as pp suggested.
Could you contact cab to get help accessing Legal Aid and ask advice on dealing with the financial abuse?

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:36

Other people called the police several times, he was often violent in public as well and as children we had social services involved as we were deemed as “at risk” from him. She never followed it through and always minimsed it or blamed herself.

OP posts:

Troelsismyname · 22/09/2018 11:37

She needs legal representation. Her lawyer would be able to negotiate a financial settlement as part of the divorce. She shouldn't sign and let the technical divorce (decree absolute) go through without getting him to commit to a financial settlement first. This is how it works. The two are separate things but conflated as a means on fighting over assets/children

All I can suggest is family help with initial costs so she can be represented and then later the costs would be paid out of their money (seen as 'his' money now). Yes she is entitled to a share of assets and probably pensions too.

No need to be hung up on blame, the unreasonable behaviour is just a means to justify divorce, it has no bearing on the financial settlement as long as the behaviour has nothing to do with fraud in terms of their assets.

Book her in for a fixed feed initial appointment to get this all explained to her properly, should be under £100 depending on where she lives.

Ironically I would say don't take too much from what you read on a forum! Proper legal advice is the only way. Start by looking for a free session, ot a legal clinic that some firms run if the fixed fee idea is a problem

Hope this helps. I have legal training!

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:38

He has had her mobility car for the last 2 years living 70 miles from her. They had the scheme where you lose your disability money for 5 years and then the car is yours. I rang them at the time he took the car and they said unless it’s returned she can’t have her money and they couldn’t provide help returning it. They said it was a civil matter and she couldn’t afford to peruse it. The car is paid for at the end of this year so he will keep it having not paid a penny for it.

OP posts:

hannnnnnnxo · 22/09/2018 11:40

This reply has been deleted

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Troelsismyname · 22/09/2018 11:41

The car is an asset of the marriage. It will all come into play when the divorce and finances are sorted out. Don't get hung up on worries like this, just get to a lawyer asap

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:42

Thank you troels. The problem is it won’t be as simple as booking an initial appointment. She is deaf and blind so an interpreter would be needed and paid for and someone would have to take her there but I live 40 miles away. I’m going to start by speaking to the police and see if I can get proof of his violence.

OP posts:

doglov3r · 22/09/2018 11:42

OP I work for CLA which is the screening service for Legal Aid. As you have mentioned there is financial abuse involved and the Police have been involved, I would suggest you give them a call on her behalf and they will be able to tell you whether she is eligible or not. It is means tested, but as you've stated he controls her finances it would only be done based on hers and not on both of their finances. If she is eligible they will usually give you the details of a local solicitor who works under Legal Aid.

Good luck and I hope you manage to get it sorted.

serbska · 22/09/2018 11:42

@hannnnnnnxo actually if the victim won’t cooperate it’s very hard to make a case and so most likely the CPS would not recommend to prosecute

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:43

We are talking about 15 years ago in terms of the ‘press charges’ back then the police happily walked away if the victim didn’t take it further. After that they moved away and he learnt to hide it better.

OP posts:

Joe66 · 22/09/2018 11:47

That is correct, you can get legal aid where dv has been an issue. It doesn't have to be evidenced specifically by police or gp, a housing officer, or womens aid support worker can also be enough evidence. These are the rules below. Evidence of the husband using the disability car is evidence of financial abuse. Have a read, and also check no 17 link regarding financial abuse evidence. Generally, yes your mother will be entitled to at least half the savings plus a pension sharing order. The solicitor can also make application for a specific steps order regarding the mobility car being returned to your mother.

If you need more help post it in legal matters next time. There are quite a few lawyers on there happy to guide you in the right direction. Hope your mother's life improves.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/legal-aid-if-you-have-been-a-victim-of-domestic-abuse-or-violence/

Troelsismyname · 22/09/2018 11:47

Google find a solicitor and it will take you to the sra web page. You can filter by area of specialism and choose accepts legal aid and disabled access hearing loop etc.

Ginkypig · 22/09/2018 11:50

That's a very recent change hannn and it's not bloody helpful on a thread like this!

You can spout it all you want but tell that to my relative who was returned barefoot and covered in blood with small children to the family home by policemen who then told the husband and abuser keep her under control we don't need your domestic situation turning up at our station.

SilverHairedCat · 22/09/2018 11:53

@hannnnnnnxo that's a gross simplification and misrepresentation of how the system works. I suggest you don't know or understand how it happens in practice, as you are blaming the victim. "lol" indeed.

OP, has your mother sought legal aid yet or assumed she won't receive any? And yes, she needs to report the fraudulent use of the car.

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:54

Thank you Ginkypig. I witnessed many times the police accepting a statement from my mum saying she fell over, whilst I was stood there as a teenager saying no she didn’t and pleading with them to help. They accepted fingerprint bruising on her neck as “walked into a wall” etc. back then they honestly didn’t care.

OP posts:

Karigan198 · 22/09/2018 11:55

Have you actually phoned the police about the car? I appreciate they are married but if she’s significantly disabled and it’s a disability car it’s going to be fully in her name for her purposes. She’ll have proof she’s paying for it after all under a disability scheme. It can’t surely therefore be deemed matrimonial property??

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:56

She’s done nothing at all yet, she’s terrified she will have to go to court, scared he will find out where she now lives etc. and she’s tempted to sign it just to have it go away whereas my view is she needs to get what she’s entitled to or she’s going to live this same live of never being able to afford anything forever, she’s 60 now she shouldn’t be living like this.

OP posts:

incywincybitofa · 22/09/2018 11:57

Your mum could try this number rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/
It is run by female lawyers and they do offer solid legal advice for free on the phone

Gemini69 · 22/09/2018 11:58

I don't have anything to add except I hope your Mum get the legal help she absolutely needs.

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 11:58

Karigan she doesn’t drive, she’s blind, so the car was granted in his name but for her benefit and she was paying for it as it was to benefit her, not that it ever did. In his view the car is in his name as is the free road tax etc. but he’s not entitled to it, she is.

OP posts:

ceecee32 · 22/09/2018 12:05

You can make a report to Motability about the vehicle misuse

www.motability.co.uk/contact-and-support/report-misuse-form

Babyroobs · 22/09/2018 12:11

Is this a motorbility car we are talking about which is in lieu of the mobility component of DLA or PIP? if so then I'm sure she can cancel the agreement with motorbility and then start receiving the mobility component again- not sure if there is a notice period. if he refuses to return the car which does not belong to him then that is theft.
is she getting other benefits - ESA or Universal credit for her daily living costs ? if not then she needs to apply for them. She needs a good solicitor to negotiate on the house etc, she needs to speak to CAB, she may be able to get legal aid under the circumstances. She is clearly in no way going to be able to buy him out of the house but depending on the equity when split she may be able to buy a smaller place outright ? This happened to my friends sister ( without the abuse)who is severely disabled and she ended up keeping the house as part of the divorce agreement acknowledging that her earning capacity was very low.

Bombardier25966 · 22/09/2018 12:14

I'm sorry to say that, if the DWP were to pursue the fraudulent use of the motability scheme, it would be your mother they go after. There are countless cases where deception and fraud is down to a third party, but the DWP always pursue the claimant.

There may not be an entitlement to ongoing support from the ex husband (spousal maintenence is generally only in cases where they are a very high earner) but there are exceptions to this, and disability can be one of them. Even if there is no spousal maintenance, there should be a splitting of marital assets, including savings and pensions.

There is an entitlement to legal aid in cases of abuse, but the reality is it's difficult to get even in the most obvious of cases.

She should get in touch with CAB or Women's Aid and let them guide her. The situation is far too complex for a forum, or for her to manage herself.

Original poster

CatchingBabies · 22/09/2018 12:25

Thank you everyone. They don’t own a house btw, she lives in a council flat and he rents privately but is about to inherit a house. I’ll be speaking to the various helplines on Monday and see what we can do.

OP posts:

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