Aibu to feel Mortified?

[Digggers]

Aaaaagh, feel totally creeped out. DH thinks i’m Ridiculous. Please tell me i’m Not unusual in feeling this.

We’ve had a difficulr couple of weeks. Everybody in the family being ill coupled with full on work business for both me and DH along with normal life/kids has left the flat needing a good clean and tidy. Had planned to tackle it all this weekend , but safe to say EVERYTHING needs done. Floors, sinks, toilet, hoovering, tidying, washing, bed sheets, cooker top. Literally everything.

Had a special occasion yesterday which meant I was out all day and then straight out at night. DH had kids .

Gets to 8pm ish and DH unexpectedly joins me. Unknown st to me he’s got a babysitter and has come to join in special occasion! Lovely thought from him, but am I wrong to feel so utterly mortified, as the house is such a state?

It gets worse when he says he told her that she could sleep in our bed when she got tired !!!! My bedroom feels a private place at the best of times but at the moment it’s a dumping ground which a fortnight’s washing everywhere, haven’t changed sheets for a week and just a midden. :-(

I’m utterly mortified as she was in there when we got back. And looking round the house I was even more embaressed as DH having the kids on his own all day meant there was not just general cleaning and tidying to be done, but a kitchen full of pots and dishes, potty full of wee in bathroom, kids clothes all over bathroom floor, literally absolutely every thing that had been used in the day just left.

He’s fed up with me that i’m So mortified that he let a babysitter come when he was trying to do something nice. Thinks I’m Being ridiculous!!

Am I unusual to feel this way? Eeeek the thought of her in my fortnight old sheets assessing my dirty washing pile is freaking me out :-( (worse still she’s a school run mum)

To make you feel better DH once invited a friend/neighbour into our house when it was an absolute shit heap. It was literally the most disgusting mess I've ever had my house in since I was a student. We'd had an insanely busy week, all been ill, the vacuum had been broken and the kitchen sink had also been broken so there was dirty washing up literally everywhere, we'd had a take away the night before which hadn't been tidied up, it literally looked like a squat. Her dog was with her and he kept snuffling around the floor eating all the crumbs . She kept recommending local cleaners after that visit!

It's good OP sees it as a thoughtful gesture. I just see it as him wanting to have fun and not be stuck with the kids all night. How doesn't he know OP's attitude to guests seeing household untidiness?

I definitely would have felt weird if I was babysitting and they offered me to sleep in their bed. When I was a teenager I would babysit overnight for nurses/midwives on night shift and I would sleep in their spare room - if they had offered me their bed I probably would have just pretended I'd 'accidentally' dozed off on the couch.

I get that you’re embarrassed and I would be too but violated is a bit strong!

Also, I think in general people are more bothered by their own house being messy than other people’s, unless it’s squalid, which is about long term lack of cleaning, and is obvious. IME if I go to someone’s house and it’s a bit messy, I’m a bit relieved that I’m not the only one that’s not perfect and feel better about myself. Although clean houses can be lovely, slightly messy ones can feel comfortable and relaxing. I would try and focus on your DH’s nice gesture.

I'm in two minds. On the one hand; ourselves and our houses are not self cleaning. He thoughtfully got some help in so that you two could sort out the house. It's a great idea and no harm in someone seeing that your house got out of hand.

On the other hand, yes it's odd that she's happy to kip in your bed, but you can make the bed up fresh afterward.

So, yes to yabu to being mortified but you feel as you feel and I hope you are able to put this behind you, get your house sorted and get on with a lovely weekend in a clean house!

Gah my washing machine has just gone on fire too !!! Aaaaggh

Oh no! Hope you’re all ok!

Erm... yes the bed thing sounds very odd to me too 🤔
The house thing... god who cares. Everyone’s house gets like that from time to time.
But yes... the bed. I may be over-thinking it but surely there’s another reason this woman could have been in your bed while you were out??
I can’t be the only one to have thought this surely? Anyone?

Whilst that did cross my mind too missmisery, I think it might be the world's first case of the husband leaving the mistress at home looking after the kids while he goes out to meet the wife!

I totally get why you’d be embarrassed because I would if it were me, but if a friend told me this I’d be like ahhhh who cares! Give yourself five minutes of being mortified then forget about it. It’s sweet he surprised you.

I completely understand where you're coming from. Men just don't seem to have that "embarrassment" bone in their body. They don't see the mess and we're there like "WHAT THE HELL? How can you not see this mess everywhere? How could you let that person in when my underwear was on the bathroom floor?!" ( thought I'd add my own personal experience there ). It is totally mortifying but there's nothing you can say because they just don't get it. I don't have any advice on how to help him understand, but you're not being unreasonable or ridiculous.