Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel Mortified?

61 replies

Digggers · 22/09/2018 10:24

Aaaaagh, feel totally creeped out. DH thinks i’m Ridiculous. Please tell me i’m Not unusual in feeling this.

We’ve had a difficulr couple of weeks. Everybody in the family being ill coupled with full on work business for both me and DH along with normal life/kids has left the flat needing a good clean and tidy. Had planned to tackle it all this weekend , but safe to say EVERYTHING needs done. Floors, sinks, toilet, hoovering, tidying, washing, bed sheets, cooker top. Literally everything.

Had a special occasion yesterday which meant I was out all day and then straight out at night. DH had kids .

Gets to 8pm ish and DH unexpectedly joins me. Unknown st to me he’s got a babysitter and has come to join in special occasion! Lovely thought from him, but am I wrong to feel so utterly mortified, as the house is such a state?

It gets worse when he says he told her that she could sleep in our bed when she got tired !!!! My bedroom feels a private place at the best of times but at the moment it’s a dumping ground which a fortnight’s washing everywhere, haven’t changed sheets for a week and just a midden. :-(

I’m utterly mortified as she was in there when we got back. And looking round the house I was even more embaressed as DH having the kids on his own all day meant there was not just general cleaning and tidying to be done, but a kitchen full of pots and dishes, potty full of wee in bathroom, kids clothes all over bathroom floor, literally absolutely every thing that had been used in the day just left.

He’s fed up with me that i’m So mortified that he let a babysitter come when he was trying to do something nice. Thinks I’m Being ridiculous!!

Am I unusual to feel this way? Eeeek the thought of her in my fortnight old sheets assessing my dirty washing pile is freaking me out :-( (worse still she’s a school run mum)

OP posts:
Munchyseeds · 22/09/2018 10:56

Just how late were you going to be out for use of the bed to be even thought about??
What's wrong with the sofa?
As for the state of the house, don't worry.
Hope you had a good time!

skunkatanka · 22/09/2018 10:56

Who leaves wee hanging around in a potty though? Seriously OP, your dh (does d stand for dirty??) needs to buck his ideas up. He could have stayed at home and sorted the mess for your return, which would genuinely have been a nice thing to do.

Saltedcaramelcake · 22/09/2018 10:56

Yeah I'd be annoyed too, I only invite people over when the house is pristine, generally speaking our house day to day is anything but! Everyone bar my parents and sister think we live in a clean tidy house, haha. I totally understand your reaction, especially as it's someone who you know and knows other people you know!

lexi727 · 22/09/2018 10:58

YANBU. I hate having people over when the house is a mess! I suppose it's just the worry that people think you live like that all the time isn't it.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 22/09/2018 10:58

I find it strange that the babysitter asked to get into your bed !

Dollymixture22 · 22/09/2018 10:58

I feel really uncomfortable if people are in my house when it’s very messy. It’s defiantly a loss of control.

Also the bedroom thing is huge. He only person I would be comfortable with having in my bedroom if I haven’t tidied it is my sister.

I would keep thinking his person has seen my dirty knicjers😵😵😵😵

Hubby was trying to be nice, but to invite someone to sleep in your bed when the sheets haven’t been changed Andy personal items haven’t been cleared away isn’t really that thoughtful.. surely he has met you and knows this would make you uncomfortable😊😊

It’s not a hanging offence but I would feel exactly the same way and would point out why this made you (mad possibly her) uncomfortable

SomeKnobend · 22/09/2018 10:59

I would feel the same as you op, except that if she got into your bed, she clearly didn't see the state of the place as a problem. It's weird as fuck that your dh thought it appropriate to invite her to use your bed though, and beyond fucking weird she felt comfortable to take him up on it, what the fuck?

Rhiannon13 · 22/09/2018 11:00

I can't get past the bed thing. What on earth is that all about?

Badtasteflump · 22/09/2018 11:02

Oh dear - what jumps out at me is that she can't be that fussy if she's happy to get in somebody else's bed for a snooze - that's just weird, and even more weird that she asked Shock

And I agree a bit of mess is normal, but why would a wee need to be left in a potty? It takes about five seconds to pour it down the loo & give a quick rinse out Confused. To be honest I would also be pissed off if DH went out leaving all his washing up sitting there - that's another job that takes about five minutes so why leave it?

Cleebope2 · 22/09/2018 11:04

Yanbu I would be totally mortified too. On the plus side my favourite friends are the ones who have really messy houses so if she’s nice she won’t care.

WildfirePonie · 22/09/2018 11:08

Can't believe she slept in your bed! Where did you sleep?!

I would be mortified if someone slept in my bed... Eek!

Mrsharrison · 22/09/2018 11:08

I'd be mortified and angry at dp. He could have done a 10 minute tidy up at least before she came and explained the reasons for the mess.

missperegrinespeculiar · 22/09/2018 11:09

yes, I think she should be worrying about how weird you must think she is for sleeping in your bed actually!

POPholditdown · 22/09/2018 11:12

If there’s anything you should be ashamed of it’s that you’re married to a lazy selfish prick who doesn’t pick up after himself!

How fucking ridiculous.

RangeRider · 22/09/2018 11:13

I think she should be worrying about how weird you must think she is for sleeping in your bed actually!
This ^^. Who actually asks to sleep in someone else's bed in this situation???????? If you're that tired kip on the sofa. Not in someone's already-slept-in bed Shock

category12 · 22/09/2018 11:16

She can't be that fussy if she got in your bed. Eww. To her, I mean.

Can understand why you're mortified.

Have no idea how your DH thought it was OK to leave a potty full of wee out. Who leaves a potty full of wee? Maybe it was used while the babysitter was there ?

stayathomegardener · 22/09/2018 11:20

Simple solution, have a massive tidy up and get her to babysit again. Say nothing.

I'd be mortified.

Rory786 · 22/09/2018 11:22

OP, I would be mortified too. You need to explain this to your DH.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/09/2018 11:24

I hear you OP but think of it like this, if your bed (and I think that's bothering you the most) was as bad as you think it is, then this babysitter/friend/school-run-mum would have taken a look, shuddered and just had a nap on the sofa.

She didn't, she was in the bed.

If I'd been your babysitter, I'd assume that this was a very last minute decision to go out and I'd just do the dishes for you or something benign to help. I wouldn't be in your bed because I just wouldn't, but your husband wasn't wrong for offering, just a bit clueless.

Most importantly though, I wouldn't be talking about you or your house to anybody. Brew

seven201 · 22/09/2018 11:29

I'd be mortified too, but rationally I'd know I shouldn't be. What I would do is send a text to the school mum explaining that you're embarrassed at how much of a tip the House was and explain why. Not saying that's what you should do, but it's what I'd do!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/09/2018 11:30

No, YANBU! I would be too. TBH it's often a case of blokes just not thinking, or they don't notice/don't care about mess.

My dh once invited round unexpectedly for drinks a couple I didn't know from Adam. I had briefly popped out when they arrived, and came back to find the 3 of them with G & Ts and nuts - and literally all over the sitting room carpet were wee-soaked bits of disposable nappy, which a dd of about 18 months had been carefully shredding and strewing everywhere!

Dh was just sitting there chatting, apparently oblivious.
Talk about mortified!! Had to clean up asap.
Although he's normally tidy, he just wasn't bothered. Though to be entirely fair neither apparently were the (childless!) guests, who later became friends - I think they just found it funny.

TwoOddSocks · 22/09/2018 11:41

I have to agree I can't even begin to imagine sleeping in someone's bed if I was babysitting. Unless it was an overnight job I wouldn't expect to be sleeping at all, let alone letting myself into their bedroom and kipping in their bed.

YANBU to feel embarrassed but I think it would be harsh to have a go at DH about it when he did something really thoughtful. I'd understand him being miffed if you went on about it.

Despacitoincognito · 22/09/2018 11:44

Sorry but this phrase:

He just doesn’t see mess like I do.

makes me so angry! Unless your DH is visually impaired in some way then of course he sees it. He's just been socialised to not think about the work that has to be done, because some woman will do it for him! Our chromosomes do not automatically make us better at seeing what needs to be done, that happens out of necessity when all the shitty work is left to us. Please stop telling yourself this bullshit about him not seeing it - he sees it and has learned not to care as it's a someone else's (a woman's) job. Though I'm sure he wouldn't articulate it like that or maybe even be aware of his thought process.

BalloonSlayer · 22/09/2018 11:45

Well it can't have been so bad if your friend with an immaculate house was prepared to sleep in your bed under the duvet!

TBH I would text her and say "I am so sorry the house was in such a state - can't believe DH would get you round to babysit without tidying up"

category12 · 22/09/2018 11:46

I think blokes care less because they're not socialised to think a messy home reflects on them badly as a person, whereas for women, it's still seen as reflecting on them alone. So it doesn't occur to them to be embarrassed, because they won't be shamed for it, usually.

Swipe left for the next trending thread