AIBU to not remember the student who has just sent me a lovely email?

[Teege]

I received a lovely email on my work mail today (I'm a teacher at a secondary school).

It was from someone saying they sat their GCSEs with me in 2014 and that they are now at uni and it was a long email about how grateful they were for all my help and support during their darkest days.

I know it's awful but the name isn't ringing any bells

I feel like I should have been "oh hi X! Great to hear from you" and meant it. I haven't responded yet, unsure if I'm even allowed to. This has never happened

Are you still working there? Do they have a photo on the database?

He/she probably had ten teachers versus your hundreds of students. Send back a congratulatory message re: their degree, say you’re glad it’s worked out and then move ON.

Google the name, see if you can put a face to it. Or ask another teacher who it is - they might be able to jog your memory. Lovely email to get though, lovely to know you made such a difference to someone's life

Is it possible they have got married and changed surname?

Oh that’s really sad! To have made such an impact on a student you’d think there would have been some sort of mutual bond.

Could you have a look back at the year book and at least see if the face rings a bell?!

I know you must see a lot of faces over the years but it isn’t that long ago. I feel really sad to think that some of the teachers that meant so much to my DCs might not even remember them now.

Yes I still work there. Don't believe we have data going back to 2014?

I know it's lovely to know that 4 years on, I'm the person they thought to email! Just feel bit gutted I don't remember them. I'm sure if I saw them, I'd know. Unless they were a student that I didn't know I helped, IYSWIM?

Yes, will have to just do a generic reply I suppose.

Of course you should reply.
Don't let them know you can't picture them.
Tell them how lovely it is to hear from them and about how well they were doing and how good it is to know you played a small part in that journey.
Then ask them if they are still in touch with anyone else from school, and they will reply with a couple of names and that will give you a reminder as to who they are.

Go on Sims or your equivalent data base and type in her name and click past on roll students and her school picture and info should come up.
It's lovely that she remembers you fondly.

You can't not reply!!

Agree with the above poster suggesting lines of conversation like who they are still in touch with from school. If nothing else a kind thankyou - it doesn't have to be generic, you touched this person's life in a very meaningful way and even if you can't remember them, you can still express how you feel about doing so.

Check Facebook and LinkedIn to see if you can find her profile- a picture would probably jog your memory

I will definitely reply.

Wonderful, will go on Sims and have a look. I'm sure I'll remember as soon as I see their face.

Names are hard, it's also quite a common combination.

Look them up on Facebook and if you can’t find them it it doesn’t jog your memory just send a cheerful and kind reply thanking them for their email saying how pleased you are at their success. (Which is probably more or less what you’d say even if you did remember them.

"I know you must see a lot of faces over the years but it isn’t that long ago."

Melon 2014 was SIX HUNDRED individual students ago for me. No it's not long in years, but in sheer volume it's vast. I can't remember the names of more than about twenty of my 2014 class. I'm a teacher, not Rainman!

I'm a teacher, not Rainman!

Ok fair point!

But I guess as a parent, we all like to think that our own DCs stand out and that if they feel a particular connection with a teacher it’s because they have forged a relationship of sorts, they’re not just a face in a crowd.

But I guess as a parent, we all like to think that our own DCs stand out and that if they feel a particular connection with a teacher it’s because they have forged a relationship of sorts, they’re not just a face in a crowd.

Melon that’s quite adorably naive.

Yes, further to zzzz most likely it's just what it seems to be, but there's always a chance of problems developing. Don't you get some sort of guidance about communicating with students outside your professional contact with them?

I don't think anyone would have a problem with a generic congratulatory email. Be wary of continuing the conversation after that on a more personal level.

I was always impressed that the head at my DC's primary school seemed to know the names of all current students, I'd onily really expect him to remember the "challenging" ones years later.

A friend I've met as an adult was taught in junior school by my mum. She's really offended that mum doesn't remember her 40+ years later

I loved my French A Level teacher. She was so inspirational and she was the reason I went on to do MFL at university. She lived nearby to us and didn't drive so my parents used to give her lifts to parents' evenings etc. Our French class had 6 kids in it - so you'd think she'd remember me, right?

A few years after leaving school I saw her in the street and excitedly ran up to chat. She had no idea who I was. I found it quite upsetting and have never forgotten it! I know teachers see loads of kids but it sort of brought it home to me that the children are less important to them than maybe the teacher is to the child.

I calculate that in my 15 years of teaching i have had in the region of 2000 students. I can barely remember thr ones I taught last year. Funnily enough some of the clearest in terms of names and faces were from my very first year...i still see some around and chat.

It seems unlikely that the school wouldn't have data going back to 2014. They normally need to keep student records till they're 22, not least in case of any legal claims.

Oh I do understand! I used to work in higher education and I bumped into a former student once in the street. He was eager to tell me that he “took my advice” and it worked. I didn’t have a clue what advice Id given so I just had to smile sweetly nd make a generic comment!

There will probably be old school photos and staff who will remember

How nice. Just say you are glad it's going well. A lot more people know me than vice versa too and sometimes to be polite you just have to pretend you know them. Last week I felt bad as someone I'd worked with 25 years ago remembered me and I didn't remember them.

I used to write to my old school and my deputy head every Christmas with the year's news for about over 10 years after I left! They seemed to like th enews. The deputy head even sent me a nice letter when I graduated with prizes in law. I found some of these letters recently when I was scanning some older papers.

Last year in doing family tree work I found a post on line about a teacher someone had had at a school which had really been kind to her and it was my mother's old school and name, from the 1940s or 50s. I contacted her and sent her on her request some photos my mother had of her pupils from then although I don't think she spotted herself. She sent me a lovely email about those days. I won't post the details but like many children in that school with 40 a class the homes were not great. My mother used to comb her hair for her and give her ribbons and she remembers that nearly 70 years later. It was just nice to see how what my mother did so long ago to an extent was still playing out well as she said the encouragement at that primary school had helped her have a good, nice stable and happy life.

The lesson for me is not just with teachers but all of us - we under estimate the influence we have on other people very often.