AIBU to not remember the student who has just sent me a lovely email?

[Teege]

I received a lovely email on my work mail today (I'm a teacher at a secondary school).

It was from someone saying they sat their GCSEs with me in 2014 and that they are now at uni and it was a long email about how grateful they were for all my help and support during their darkest days.

I know it's awful but the name isn't ringing any bells

I feel like I should have been "oh hi X! Great to hear from you" and meant it. I haven't responded yet, unsure if I'm even allowed to. This has never happened

You could also chat to whoever was the head of year at the time - they might recall him/her.

My old teachers always seem to remember me...

Im teaching 36 years and remember all the students. But its Primary so you spend a whole year with the child and 8 years with them in the same school. Also you have connections like siblings to keep them in your mind. But l do have a weird memory that never forgets!!

I was going to say, you tend to remember the ...ahem... more 'challenging' pupils, but I don't want to cast any aspersions Putmedown

The lesson for me is not just with teachers but all of us - we under estimate the influence we have on other people very often.

I totally agree with this Xenia. Sometimes just "being" and doing what seems very little for a person, can make such a difference if it just happens to be 'that' moment in their lives.

JuneBirthday, you are very much the exception, as you acknowledge. Even spending all year with pupils, it isn't possible for most teachers to remember the thousands of people you teach over years and years for most mere mortals. I do still wonder 'Whatever happened to.....', but they tend to be the pupils we had to go 'over and above for, because of various challenges they had.

a couple of years ago, I was forwarded on a letter from a parent to the president of the university I work at thanking me for the help and guidance I had given to their son that year.

I didn't recognise the name, although when I checked he was in one of my classes. I didn't recognise the photo on the system and I had no recollection of doing anything out of the ordinary for anyone in that class.

I was just delighted that my normal interactions with students were of benefit to them.

Look up on social media? You'll see a pic that rings a bell

Please try and find out who it is or at least pretend and send a lovely reply saying how touched you were and that you wish them all the best.

I’ve just spent all day on a course with an old teacher from my MA course (4 years ago too) who meant a lot to me. She was always so lovely to me during a hard time personally and gave me wonderful advice, took a special interest in me. She was the only member of staff from that time I remember fondly and one that made a difference. I have her a lovely gift when I graduated and a card thanking her. She always wrote wonderful notes of encouragement on my reports and assignments and really seemed to like me.

When I saw her today for the first time in years, I smiled and went to say hello a few times but she barely acknowledged me, to the point where I thought she hadn’t recognised me. There was one other former student there too who she hugged and made a huge fuss of but he said to me “I never thought she liked me to be honest!”.

Eventually, in the loos at lunch she said “hello Shady” but just in a very cool, formal way and didn’t ask anything like how things have worked out careerwise (I was quite excited to tell her she’d inspired me and I’d followed in her footsteps), she didn’t even say “how are you?” or want to converse when I tried. It was almost worse knowing she did remember me but didn’t want to engage. It was really unlike how I remembered her and I feel quite sad.

As a teacher you’ve obviously had a big impression on this person and they’ve felt you’ve been really significant in their life. I teach too and I’m sure you’ll agree it’s lovely to feel you’ve made a difference in someone’s life. It’s why we do it isn’t it? Well done you’ve obviously done something right! Hope you do manage to remember your student.

I bumped into my primary head teacher a couple of years ago (I'm 34 now) , he said oh MrsStrowman so lovely to see you, enquired about what I was up to, asked if I still enjoyed writing as much as I did, then enquired about my brother (is he still very sporty?) and mum, and got the names right! I was astounded, he was always a very hands on head, and the school wasn't huge, maybe thirty ish pupils per year group, but I left in 1995!! Before anyone asks no I wasn't a nightmare child always in trouble, nor was my mum up at the school every five minutes making a fuss. I certainly wouldn't have expected him to remember.

YANBU to not remember her OP, but if you can find out and send her a more personalised reply I'm sure it'd mean a lot, as you've impacted hugely on her life.

Have you found her @Teege?

At our secondary school open evening the head said how wonderful it was to see so many former pupils returning with their year 6 children and named them all... now that was impressive! However she'd also had time between seeing them walking around and doing her speech to frantically look them up if needs be

Just send a warm response, they will have no idea you can’t remember them and I don’t think it matters. The main thing is that you made a difference and they are nice enough to tell you that.

I once met a woman who came rushing up and said how I’d saved her baby’s life- I still have no idea who she was! We had a nice little chat and moved on.

I am friends with one of my teachers from school. We meet up. She's met my children. I don't think it matters if OP replies, people can't honestly think she would get in trouble for that.

Found your student yet OP? I find this thread fascinating - I suffer from prosopagnosia - where you have an inability to recognise faces particularly out of context. Which often means you're pretty bad on names. I've had to learn to box around it. However I've worked with various people (teachers, MPs) who have amazing recollections of both names and faces. I think they're called Super Recognizers and where it's facial they are hugely useful to eg police. I realize OP's problem is just not recognizing a name and hope she finds a photo that will kick start remembering. I still wonder what gene exists in some people for people-related memory and why we don't all have it.

Gosh, this has put me right off ever contacting any old teachers etc. I guess I assumed that they'd be happy to hear from me even if they no longer remembered who the hell I was, but if I'm going to be suspected of being a scammer..... no thanks!!!

I am terrible with names. Faces fine, names no. I forget the names of students I taught last year let alone 4 years ago! .

MrsStrowman perhaps your mother had an affair with him and you and your brother were the result?

Thatmustbenigelwiththebrie I love that movie too! It’s really not like that though. My students ARE massively important to me- they take up ALL my headspace all year! But I can’t run at that level all the time- the ones in front of me get that, you know? But I love love love them and really do care loads. My job is amazing. I love hearing from old students too

I had this recently - when the person got in touch I couldn’t instantly place them, but when I met them face to face it came back. It meant a lot to me to be contacted. I recommend to everyone, when something like this happens, or you get a kind word or a compliment, or a card, save them all up in a big pot or wallet or something, and when you retire, or leave the job, have a moment sitting down reading through them.