Panicking about stretch marks

[CherryRoseAnna]

Nearly 8 months pregnant and have developed stretch marks on my thighs and belly and boobs. Aware I could have 6 ish weeks left of getting bigger and stretch marks getting worse. After crying in bed for an hour quietly not to wake DP up, I'm turning to mn for advice on how to cope with my changing body. I'm very self conscious and have low self esteem anyway. I don't show it and have a big personality which masks my insecurities about my physical appearance.

DP made a comment a while back about how pregnancy had a real toll on his exes body and how many stretch marks she had. That he still loved her at the time but found the stretch marks unattractive. I can't forgive him for this comment about someone who gave birth his child, and it's stuck with me. I'm angry he ever said it and now don't believe him when he tells me my stretch marks don't bother him.

AIBU to feel ugly and down about this? I'm really sad and just feel unattractive. Do they really fade? They're red and angry.

I just feel so low. Can't stop crying and hate my body. Having a body image crisis. Help.

OP, I’m more concerned about you crying for an hour, than I am about the stretch marks, which will fade as everyone here says.
If you’ve had problems before with low self esteem etc, you may be at risk of pre or post natal depression.
I think you should mention to your GP or midwife if this tearfulness and low mood recurs or persists.
The earlier it’s caught, the easier it is to treat, rather than having it spoil your first few months with your baby.

Honestly, the majority of mothers have stretch marks. They don’t make you less of an amazing person, who created life from her own body. I think you’ll find that once you have your baby, you’ll have far less time or inclination to worry about superficial stuff like your abdominal skin!

I cried when I noticed my stretch marks getting worse. I had got used to the ones on my lower tummy....then they crept above my belly button. The last straw was when I saw them up and down my legs. I worried my sister (who was there when I noticed and was cried all over!) and she bought me some nice cream. Anyway, the massive, vivid, purple serving dish sized area of stretch marks on my belly is now much, much smaller, silver, and they are very faint. The ones on my legs are barely visible. My stretch marks were quite extreme and they really do get much much better.

@Wolfiefan I only found the stretch marks last night. His DD wants to go swimming so going to skip it (I don't want to go anyway) and talk to him once ages gone back to her mums.

Why do you need to get out of it? He’s going to see them at some point, surely?

Good plan. TBH swimming dries my skin stretch marks or no! Hope you feel better soon.

@Babdoc I think I just had a fed up moment. Lack of sleep, uncomfortable, heartburn, haemorrhoids, and now stretch marks. I feel rough and unattractive and as superficial as it is, I'm still affected by it. I hope that doesn't make me sound shallow. I've never loved my body but this is the first time I've disliked it severely. I love the baby growing inside me but struggling with the loss of control I have.

GAD and OCD don't help but that's another thread.

Can you talk to your partner about how you're feeling?

I've had several conversations with my DP about my changing body. I've developed stretch marks on my boobs, but when I moaned about it DP pointed out he has stretch marks on his stomach from rapid weight gain and loss as a teenager so we were comparing :D We also laugh and joke a lot about my expanding tummy (DP sometimes walks into me slightly because he says he isn't used to my increased girth ) and other things, which makes me feel more comfortable.

I think it's normal to be a bit upset about stretch marks and about body image during pregnancy, but if it's getting to the extent where you are crying a lot about it or worried your partner is going to leave you, etc. I think it would be good to talk to someone.

You are carrying his child. He should be in awe of your body!

@SoyDora because I just discovered a load of stretch marks under my bump last night. I know everyone gets them but I need to adjust for a min. I don't think going swimming the morning after is the best way. Yes he will see them at some point, just not this morning

@Celebelly definitely not worried he's going to leave me. It all stems around the comment he made about his ex. Now anything he says to me to tell me he isn't bothered by stretch marks means nothing. I wish he never said it. It's an awful thing to say.

Mine faded within six months. Seriously, I can't see anything at all there now it's amazing.

However, that's not really the point. Most people do find their body changes permanently in some way after pregnancy. Any decent partner should understand that and respect you for what you have gone through.

It was a rotten thing to say. I think you need to be able to share your worries and fears with him – my DP is the first person I want to tell about weird stuff going on with my body (when I found the stretch marks on my boobs I rushed through to the other room and shoved a boob in his face to inspect ) and he is the person who gives me reassurance and body confidence so I can understand how tough it is not feeling you can do that. But he might surprise you with his reaction, especially if he knows how much it's upsetting you. Any person who loved their partner would be mortified to think something they'd said was making their partner worried and upset.

Funny thing is, he has them on his back! I don't think he even knows.

Everyone has stretch marks. Men, women who haven't had children, skinny or fat. It's just a part of being a human. I have the world's smallest boobs but they have always had stretch marks on them. Since before I had children. You can hardly see them now and I don't this k anyone else would notice them. Hugs. I remember crying for hours over a single stretch mark when pg with DS2. It had been a difficult pregnancy and it was kinda the last straw.

@whyhaveidonethis thank you. I feel similar. I've had so much go wrong. Hospitalised 8 TIMES for HG, anomaly on the scan, pre-eclampsia, anaemia that won't respond to iron tablets so need a transfusion, I could go on. I honestly used to tell myself 'well at least I look good!' as as shallow as it sounds, it was the only thing I had left! I'm sure I will learn to love my stretch marks and I'm sure this is all heightened due to being a bit of an emotional mess due to hormones and stress, but today I can tell it's going to bother me. I'm hoping it'll just take time. Sorry to anyone who thinks I'm being shallow.

@CherryRoseAnna I had a horrifically difficult pregnancy too. My Ds2 had to have inutero blood transfusions; I had to have scans every two days and fetal monitoring inbetween. The stress made me an emotional wreck. I can totally understand crying for an hour over stretch marks. It's not really just about the stretch marks. It's about everything. You are naturally scared, worried, excited and anxious about the baby and what is happening to your body.

I promise you will look back in years to come and laugh at it but that doesn't mean it's not totally distressing now. Be kind to yourself. Tell your DP how you feel and believe him when he reassures you.

I have loads. On my belly, boobs, thighs and bum. I used to hate them but they do fade and go silvery.

I don't care about them any more. I'm a single parent and I've been out with men who still found me attractive and didn't even mention my stretch marks.

@CherryRoseAnna I'm 28 weeks and in the last 3 weeks MEGA stretch marks have formed across my boobs!

I had them on hips, bum and thighs from puberty that have faded to silvery/invisible over the years and I always thought quietly "oh well at least my boobs look fab hey girl"..... And now here I am with lines galore!!

I'm trying to take control a bit by hammering them with bio oil and drinking loads of water, not sure if either will help but it makes me feel like things are a bit more in my control.

Just keep telling yourself they'll fade, they'll go, they'll disappear before long because as every PP has said it's true! They aren't forever, and while they're here they're a visual reminder to you of the incredible work your body is foing. (an alarming and angry looking reminder, but a reminder none the less!)

As for your DP...... I would go with good old fashioned fake it til you make it. Outwardly, sparkle with confidence and don't hide or shrink yourself. Confidence is sexier than anything else on earth and when your DP sees you strutting around like mother nature incarnate he won't even remember some remark he made about his ex years ago!

Chin up! Xx

Sorry you're struggling OP as others have said, they will definitely fade. You can't see mine now unless you squish the skin up and then it goes all wrinkly, which I find quite amusing. I've actually found it quite liberating having a baby from a body confidence point of view. Before I felt so much pressure to have a perfect body (which I er...never quite achieved), but now I couldn't give a fuck. I've had a baby so yeah I've got stretch marks and some wobbly bits but who cares because look at this amazing little person I made 😍

In reality, I had the same wobbly bits before but now I feel like they're excusable 😂

Christie Teigen posted a fab pic of the stretch marks on her thighs and making a joke about them.
Don’t imagine Jon Legend is complaining!
And yes, they do fade. A lot.

I don't really get the celebs etc posting pics of stretch marks. I appreciate it normalises it but doesn't mean it's nice. Doesn't make me like mine more. But then again I don't get how other experiencing the same making things better with most things!

@overagain I find it a bit annoying. Yes I know Chrissy you have stretch marks. You also have millions of dollars and a husband who writes songs about the fact he loves 'all your curves and all your edges' that would make me feel better about anything! My DP just sticks his foot in it and makes me feel like shit without even trying! Oops.

Well I find my stretchmarks unattractive. But they're there and there's not much I can do about it. I might as well love the body I'm in. Besides, if I didn't have my stretchmarks I wouldn't have my dc. I wouldn't trade back for anything.

E45 body wash then Waitrose baby butter and/or baby oil work really well on scars & stretch marks. Your DH is very unkind.

My DH has silvery stretch marks on his back, like a ladder, you can only see them in some lights, from some angles. He's very tall and had some growth spurts as a teen. For some reason my stretch marks aren't red or purple, they've just started appearing on my bump but are already silvery. I genuinely hadn't considered it as anything other than one of those things. If I'm at a pool or on holiday and see a woman with stretch marks the only thing it tells me is that she's probably had children. The problem here is your DP, who says things like stretch marks are unattractive?! I genuinely don't think DH would even think once about it let alone twice. I showed him my hairy belly the other night, in a wtf kind of way (seems to have sprung up out of nowhere), he doesn't care, he loves me and the fact I'm growing our baby. He did tell bump that 'mum's not happy with you' but in a jokey way. To quote a MN favourite you've got a DP problem.

I felt exactly the same as you. I hated my stretch marks. I get them later on as well, so I thought I was one of the lucky few and then I exploded with them from about 36 weeks.

He's now 2 and a half and you can barely see them.

Please don't try to stress. They will fade. And you'll learn to see past them. Your partner was a dick to make such a comment though!

Good luck with your pregnancy. Enjoy the baby days. They don't last and you'll miss them when they're gone!