Another MIL one unfortunately...

[MrsSmiththethird]

Ok so without giving away too much info - DH is celebrating a big birthday tomorrow. Tomorrow morning myself and DS are taking DH for breakfast and then tomorrow afternoon we’re goint out with his family. MIL has asked DH to go round and fix her shed roof tomorrow morning, I’ve asked him to say no as DS is excited to take Daddy out and ‘treat’ him (I’ve given him some money so he thinks he’s paying) but apparently it MUST be done tomorrow as the inside is being ruined. Then, next weekend we have arranged to go out with friends, all our age. MIL has announced to DBIL today that she is coming along (DH made it quite clear tomorrow evening is for family, next weekend for friends) yet she’s decided she’s coming along anyway and hasn’t yet told my DH this. He will no doubt tell her again she isn’t welcome but she will show up anyway.

AIBU to be completely fucked off? This woman has to be involved in everything (she actually showed up on the beach on our honeymoon!!!) and I know she will show up where we are meeting next week. I know we could change plans but there’s around 20 of us meeting at a place convenient for everyone so why should we??

Yanbu- is refrain from telling her anything in future.
And just say no to tomorrow morning, your DH doesn't have to run around after his mother on his own birthday! 😮

I'd not is*

You and your husband need to be a united front.

Not you telling him, but you both telling her!

Failing that change the plans and don’t be where she thinks you’ll be.

So when she messages saying “ hi where are you” you can reply “well as we said we wanted family time and next week is for relatives etc”

If your husband won’t stand his ground and instead would rather please mummy and let his son down I’d really be irate

That’s crazy, honestly I’d start telling her incorrect information so she can’t turn up! Nuts! Say you’ve changed plans next weekend & she can turn up elsewhere. & tell her it’s an hour later than you’ve booked lol

He’s old enough to grow a backbone and tell her no. One text re shed roof then no further communication on that subject. (Its ;No, btw)

Re party just say she’s not invited and please not to turn up as she won’t enjoy herself. Also say that final plans re meeting etc haven’t been confirmed to put her off trying to turn up.Again no further communication.

Stop telling her your plans. If she asks be vague and ‘oh we're not Sure yet.’

Bloody hell. DH just needs to take a stand and stop this right now. Say no bloody way to fixing her shed DBIL can do it if it's so urgent. Don't ever tell her your plans again either. What a nightmare she sounds!

She turned up on the beach on your honeymoon????? 😱

Why does she know places, dates & times?

She's shown you she cannot be trusted, and you/DH seem incapable of enforcing healthy boundaries... No information (or incorrect information) is a short term fix here.

It'll only take once or twice of telling her the wrong place for something to nip it in the bud, surely? ("oh you're at the Manchester B cinema? Why are you there? Oh no, we headed out to see that film at Liverpool instead because it was better timings. We didn't think to let you know about the change because it was just us going. Why did you think you were coming?"

Your MIL is a nightmare but your husband is your biggest problem. He should be man enough to put his mother in her place. He should have told her that you and your child are taking him out for a birthday breakfast and no, he will not disappoint his child. The same goes for everything else she interferes with. Your husband needs to get in your corner REALLY FAST or your marriage is not going to go well, because I promise your MIL is only going to get worse.

Agree with the other posters too - fundamental thing here is you both start to sing from the same hymn sheet.

Anything other than that, he's undermining your effort. There's no point.

She turned up on your honeymoon?!

How does she know where you going next week? In future, don’t tell her anything. Your DH needs just to say no about tomorrow morning. Can’t DBIL sort the shed?

Why are you telling her stuff. She's clearly a nause.

Tell her you've changed your plans and are now meeting xxx place an hour later than you originally planned. Hopefully she will go there and get the hint.

She appeared on your honeymoon??????

Your dh could easily say “NO. Mrs Smith and Smith jnr have something special planned for my brthday and I will not do anything to spoil that. Perhaps I can come on Sunday at x time”. Note that a) he doesnt tell her what the breakfast plans are and b) the Sunday suggestion is merely a suggestion from me.

Utterly bonkers. Is she widowed (as well as being deranged around boundaries)?

He absolutely must tell her no re the shed roof tomorrow. He must not let your little boy down over this, it would break DS's heart if he's treating his daddy to his birthday breakfast and it didn't go ahead.

Agree with pp, stop telling her your plans and draw some boundaries. This should have been done from the time she turned up at the beach on your honeymoon.

After my now exh and I got married, several of the guest were staying on at the hotel where we were staying and for ages my MIL told everyone she was there because her son wanted his mother on his honeymoon.

Trust me, you need to keep her ignorant of any future plans.

Sorry I didn’t explain very well - DH and I are very much on the same page and he has my back 100%. He said he didn’t see he issue with tomorrow as he was going to call to her after breakfast (I didn’t think of that before my rant ) and he doesn’t know about next week yet but will, without a doubt tell her she isn’t welcome. He’s told her this already but she doesn’t seem to grasp it and just keeps saying ‘I don’t care who’s going I’M your Mum’.

We didn’t give her details; she deviously mentioned it in passing to my lovely SIL who didn’t think anything of telling her the plans and then bumped into a friend today in Tesco and brought it up again to get further confirmed details. She’s bloody sly!!

And yes, appeared on the beach. Sixth day in and she appeared with FIL, she thought it was hilarious that she surprised us as she thought we would be getting bored of each other by then. DH caused quite a scene and luckily they retreated to their hotel and didn’t appear again. The woman knows no boundaries!

Christ. She sounds a nightmare. No boundaries,, much!? Stop sharing plans with any family.

You must tell him about next week so he can tell her to sod off. Any "I'm your mum", and he can ask her if she wants another scene like your honeymoon because that's what she'll get.

I used to read MIL horror stories before I met my DH and think ‘oh that must be an over exageration’ But now I whole heartedly understand that the devil inside my DH’s mother!

Whole heartedly believe the devil is inside my MIL that should have said

May have had a vino or 3 to settle my rage!

After the beach incident I’d have cut her out of my life.

There’s no teaching someone that unhinged.

Tell her you're all going to an S&M leather party.

With other swingers.

Buns

Yes OP you could offer to lend her your spare pair of nipple clamps.....the terrifying thing is she may well take you up on this. “BUT I’m your MUM!!”