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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be devastated or relieved?

39 replies

Whitegrenache · 21/09/2018 14:47

Got made redundant from a sales position in June with a good pay out package (no issue with performance just a business decision)
Decided to try and get a new role in coaching in the industry I work (will not say for obvious reasons)
Got my perfect job last month as a sales coach - just done first 3 weeks of a 6 week training course- was pulled by my manager on Wednesday morning that she was worried that I was struggling as she had noticed I had been upset (discretely) in the toilets - and also she had some feedback that I was disruptive in a particular session that day- which to be fair was kind of true although I wasn't disruptive but rather let my feelings be known that I found a particular internal helper irritating (I have an expressive face) other people on the table also expressed their dissatisfaction with him too.
Anyway following the feedback I took it on the chin, apologised that I need to be more reflective and needed to be more obviously not annoyed now that I was in a position of leadership- it was a bit of a wake up call to be fair...

Anyway that was the end of the matter as far as I was concerned - spoke to some other managers in the training course who assured me I was fine and all would be well and I was massively overthinking things and that feedback as long as I worked on it and improved the behaviour I could get through it.
The today I was called into a meeting and told my employment was terminated and put in garden leave as "my behaviours were not what the company was looking for"

Honest I'm devastated and feel awful.

I have enough money to find another job in 6 months and I feel so bloody stupid but I think I have learned that transition from peer to leadership/management is one I need to really work on.

My AIBU is do I kill myself worrying about it and beat my self up or think I have been given a reprieve and that working for a company like that is never going to be a good place.

Not sure why I have posted this but to be fair I maybe just need to rant!

OP posts:

Confusedbeetle · 21/09/2018 14:49

I think you need some advice from your union

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 21/09/2018 14:51

Don't have a union and don't have any employment rights as only been employed for 3 weeks!! Gosh I'm so embarrassed nothing like this has ever happens to me before and I have been in the industry for over 20 years

OP posts:

VivaDixie · 21/09/2018 14:51

It sounds like you went in like a bull in a China shop TBH. To be pulled for disruptive behaviour after only 3 weeks is really concerning. You wouldn't even get gardening leave where I work, you would be fired outright.

In response to your OP, I would in fact reflect on the feedback and make some changes to your attitude

TheOneWith · 21/09/2018 14:53

I think you take the middle road... don’t beat yourself up but a period of self reflection to decide whether you’re ready for that kind of role yet. Sounds like you were in way over your head.

Bluntness100 · 21/09/2018 14:56

I'd suspect there was maybe more to your behaviour than being discreetly upset in the loo and pulling a face.

You will get mixed feedback here, anything from there there, fuck em, to The other extreme.

My suggestion would be don't beat youtself up, but use it as a learning experience, and with that, I'd probably try to be more honest with myself in terms of the behaviour that led them to fire you immediately.

I don't think they are a bad company to work for if they spot unacceptabke behaviour and stamp it out immediately , so no I wouldn't say it was a reprieve not to work for them.

As said, use it as a learning opportunity and be honest with youtself

lizzzyyliveson · 21/09/2018 15:00

It sounds like you have blundered into some internal politics that you were not told about. I bet if you dig that annoying internal helper will turn out to be the big boss's son or suchlike.

Dust yourself off and strike this interlude from your CV. You were on a short coaching course if anyone wonders.

Somerford · 21/09/2018 15:05

If you're crying in the toilets so early into a new job (you haven't mentioned any separate issues so I presume it was to do with the job?) it's probably not for you. I don't think blame them for letting you go though. It feels like you've minimised what happened in your training session to me but even if you haven't, your attitude needs to be much better for that kind of role. I don't see any real point in torturing yourself over it but it sounds like the job isn't right for you.

Hoppinggreen · 21/09/2018 15:06

Ive worked in Sales and Sales management for many years and in the last 5 years or so I have also done some training/coaching.
The skill set is very very different. I know a lot of sales people who couldn’t coach despite being very good at their jobs but I know a lots of coaches who couldn’t sell, not many are good at both.
Be completely honest with yourself about what you should have done differently and decide what yiu want to do next

glamourous · 21/09/2018 15:07

I think they did you a favour tbh! I had a similar issue when I worked in sales where I was pulled up on the slightest issue. They want people who live and breathe the company and if you don't fit in (or can't hide your expressions) they'll want you out! Count your lucky stars it happened now and look for something else.

AjasLipstick · 21/09/2018 15:18

I'm surprised at the supportive comments tbh. Crying in the toilets...in a way which has been noticed by your manager isn't ok really. Neither is pulling irritated faces at other team members.

When you're new you've got to impress. You probably seemed like trouble. I'd think you were trouble anyway.

Juells · 21/09/2018 15:19

which to be fair was kind of true although I wasn't disruptive but rather let my feelings be known that I found a particular internal helper irritating (I have an expressive face)

Twotailed · 21/09/2018 15:20

Don’t put yourself through purgatory but it sounds like you’ve lots to learn from the experience as well.

ittakes2 · 21/09/2018 15:24

Everyone in life is on a learning curve. Maybe you are just not suited to that particular company - but another company would love you. You know what you need to work on - so do it - and look for a company that suits your style. Good luck.

SoyDora · 21/09/2018 15:26

Are you sure there wasn’t more to the ‘disruptive behaviour’? I can’t imagine your face is expressive enough that it would be considered disruptive?
Anyway there’s not much you can do other than take it on the chin and move forward.

Rebecca36 · 21/09/2018 15:30

Juells Fri 21-Sep-18 15:19:33
which to be fair was kind of true although I wasn't disruptive but rather let my feelings be known that I found a particular internal helper irritating (I have an expressive face)
.............

That was rather unprofessional. I'm not having a go at you but facial expressions/body language can be controlled and being irritated by a colleague after only three weeks in the job is your problem. It sounds rather childish, not what one would expect from a mature, senior person.

Take all the criticisms on board and move on. Life never stops being a learning curve!

Good luck.

Haireverywhere · 21/09/2018 15:31

I'd be upset too but I think from what you've posted here it wasn't a good fit at this particular time. I am assuming they're acting within their rights of course and they had sufficient reasons according to their new start/probation period policy - as in, your behaviour they were unhappy about was noted in more than one scenario after they'd given you feedback etc.

dinosaurkisses · 21/09/2018 15:31

Id ne interested to hear the other side of this.

The fact the manager or employer has decided to go through the entire recruitment process, with the time and expense associated with that, rather than try and address the issues would suggest that things were felt a bit more seriously on their end.

Lougle · 21/09/2018 15:37

Oh dear! It's difficult to know whether they were a bit quick off the mark without knowing the details, but nothing is going to change, so I guess you need to learn what you can from the experience and use it for another time.

CaptSkippy · 21/09/2018 15:42

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. If you got pulled up that quickly and fired with so little explanation, then things could have only gotten much worse as time went on.

Luckily you have six months of breathing room while you look for another job. I second just mentioning it as a three week training course. Maybe in your next job keep your head down initially and observe. You want to make sure you actually like the place before you put too much passion into it.

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 21/09/2018 15:48

Thanks all for your feedback - I agree maybe there was much more to this than i saw in myself iyswim?

The reason I had a little cry was more due to the fact that I had some issues at home which added to the stress- but maybe yes i did act unprofessionally and need to up my game and have a think about what to do next

OP posts:

Yabbers · 21/09/2018 15:50

Be honest with yourself and decide whether you need to make behavioural changes. No point in overthinking it but it does need some soul searching as one short role can be seen as a blip, find yourself with a second or third and it is harder to get another chance.

If you are convinced that redundancy was purely down to numbers and the new job issues were just a bad fit with the organisation then move on to the new job and hope its the right place for you.

If you think there might be some changes you can make, work on them before you get to the next role.

3luckystars · 21/09/2018 15:51

What were you crying about at work? Sorry it didn't work out but if you really want to do this, then don't give up.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/09/2018 15:51

Can you request a further debrief? I think it would be reasonable to do so, as it can only help you if you try to get a similar position again in the future.
You can do it for failed interviews, so perhaps, since this is little more than an extended interview (3weeks is nothing in a job) they might agree to give you a decent breakdown of where you didn't fit the bill.

viques · 21/09/2018 15:56

If a company is putting you through a six week course it is fairly clear they are going to be watching you like a hawk. If your facial expressions included eye rolling, eyebrow raising, smirks, or other disparaging expressions aimed at a colleague of three weeks aquaintance I am not surprised they pulled you up. They were probably visualising you doing the same towards clients, or trainees.

Next time keep your powder dry and your head down until you have been there a while and they know you better.

SpoonBlender · 21/09/2018 15:58

It's concerning to me that on discovering you were upset in the toilets, your manager hauled you over the coals for it instead of trying to help. I think you're well out of that particular office, it sounds like a hellhole in waiting.

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