AIBU to be devastated or relieved?

[Whitegrenache]

Got made redundant from a sales position in June with a good pay out package (no issue with performance just a business decision)
Decided to try and get a new role in coaching in the industry I work (will not say for obvious reasons)
Got my perfect job last month as a sales coach - just done first 3 weeks of a 6 week training course- was pulled by my manager on Wednesday morning that she was worried that I was struggling as she had noticed I had been upset (discretely) in the toilets - and also she had some feedback that I was disruptive in a particular session that day- which to be fair was kind of true although I wasn't disruptive but rather let my feelings be known that I found a particular internal helper irritating (I have an expressive face) other people on the table also expressed their dissatisfaction with him too.
Anyway following the feedback I took it on the chin, apologised that I need to be more reflective and needed to be more obviously not annoyed now that I was in a position of leadership- it was a bit of a wake up call to be fair...

Anyway that was the end of the matter as far as I was concerned - spoke to some other managers in the training course who assured me I was fine and all would be well and I was massively overthinking things and that feedback as long as I worked on it and improved the behaviour I could get through it.
The today I was called into a meeting and told my employment was terminated and put in garden leave as "my behaviours were not what the company was looking for"

Honest I'm devastated and feel awful.

I have enough money to find another job in 6 months and I feel so bloody stupid but I think I have learned that transition from peer to leadership/management is one I need to really work on.

My AIBU is do I kill myself worrying about it and beat my self up or think I have been given a reprieve and that working for a company like that is never going to be a good place.

Not sure why I have posted this but to be fair I maybe just need to rant!

You say you spoke to other managers, which would indicate your behaviour was witnessed by others, as they told you you needed to improve the behaviour. They didn't say they didnt know what was being referred to.

This would indicate you did more than pull a face when others were also stating they were dissatisfied. It was you they said who was disruptive. And clearly the other managers agreed.

You also then went seeking reassurance from those other managers, instead of immediately remedying your behaviour, and apologising where appropriate. Clearly a junior employee was made to feel belittled. Again them telling you your behaviour needed to improve is a very big clue here.

I'd also say. I'm sorry but what you view as a discreet little cry in the toilets obviously appeared as more than that to others. No one gets pulled up over a discreet little cry. Becayse, well, it's discreet, done in a cubicle, during a break, and no one Knows.

I'm not sure if you're minimising as you don't want to admit it, even to yourself, or if you genuinely can't see it. Or indeed if you were bullied out of position unreasonably.

The latter would seem very unlikely, it costs a lot to recruit and train and rhey will now need to go through the process again, so it would appear the behaviour continued and could have been seen as bullying, intolerant, overly emotional, or attention seeking.

Only you and them know the truth there. As said, don't beat youtself up about it, but do learn a lesson from it.

YANBU to be upset about being let go, but I can see the company's point - you weren't that discreet if you were spotted crying and the bit about showing irritation is really unprofessional - sorry. Most people are trying to impress at that early stage of employment and yes, the irritation in particular would have been a red flag. If by 'expressive face' you mean pulling faces then that is extremely unprofessional and not how they want the company to be represented.

Just a chance to reflect on how you come across to others before looking for your next role, as it would seem that you come across quite differently than you think you do. If you did comment 'be more obviously not annoyed' during the feedback that would also ring alarm bells for me, because it's not tackling the issue of getting easily irritated just hiding it (which you do need to do anyway, to be fair )

Sounds like they are using the training course as en extended observation interview. Three weeks is the halfway point, I wonder if anyone else was let go? Could simply be policy to start x number of people and lose a percentage along the six weeks.

Reflect away and get on with your next project. Not everything works out as we expect.

Right ok then so I was clearly BU
I just have never ever ever been pulled up for anything like this before.
I must now learn to move on and grow up and try to learn from this experience

Thanks all

I agree with a PP some of the best sellers I know are horrific man managers and coaches, and one of the best sales coaches I know is crap at an actual sales job. It's weird but true - you can be really good at a job but not be able to manage or coach others in that role.
I'd try not to get too caught up in the details of what happened but more reflective on whether you skills really lend themselves to coaching/training.

Strike it off your CV, get another job

To be fair I definitely think i will be a better coach than a sales person! A so feel so passionate about it- I do feel like I have wasted a fabulous opportunity though and feeling very sad about it all now . My fault though I guess

What Wonkypalmtree said.

I currently work in a place where it's much more important to be nice and not disagree with anyone rather than do a good job.

It's fucking exhausting and not something I'd recommend.

Ach, op, you live and learn.

It's Friday night, what's done is done. Go get youtself a glass of wine and a takeaway. There will be other opportunities. Strike this one from the cv and start looking for the next one. I'm 100% sure you'll learn from it and move forward.

After all isnt that what coaching is all about?💐

My former company put potential managers on a Management and Leadership course, I was one of them.

I always considered myself as someone who would make a good manager. This course had a lot of role play and highlighted that I totally lack any empathy, too authoritative and would basically be a bastard manager or leader that doesn't mince her words.

It was certainly an eye opener, and I didn't disagree with the findings. It has prompted me though to be more empathetic and think about how the words that come out of my mouth effect others.

I work in construction, not that should be an excuse for being a dick sometimes, but it's not the most friendly of industries.

For the time being I'm sticking to being a friendly peer

I totally lack any empathy, too authoritative and would basically be a bastard manager or leader that doesn't mince her words.

Haha I think that can come with having children. You stop giving any fucks when you're trying to get out the door at five to eight and a 5-year-old is insisting on tying their own shoe laces at the speed of a snail.

I’m a coach having previously been a sales person, and your behaviour is something we watch for on training courses, and especially during the on boarding. A lot of my role is facilitating new starters into the business.

When you’ve come from a company where you knew others and understood your place, it’s not always something everyone finds easy when they need to return to the newbie tread gently attitude for a while.

In your old sales team, maybe a high performing driven competitive team, some facial leakage, whilst unprofessional, was probably a bit of a given. In a new role, in a new course, it’s not appropriate and it’s worth bearing in mind that initial
Training courses are essentially a goldfish bowl, where new employees are scrutinised, and all feedback goes straight up the tree.

Have a good think about your motivation to become a coach, and your conduct here, before having another go or trying something else.

And have a drink and watch crap TV tonight.

Thanks Llanelli- good advice

I feel so upset by this all and definitely feel it's a massive opportunity wasted .
Having said that indeed this is what coaching and development is all about so I need to learn from my mistakes and keep on track with my career.

Nothing’s wasted if you learn from it. It’s just another experience. When you got a “no” as a sales person, did you think “that’s that, it’s always a no”? Or did you think “well that didn’t work.... maybe this will, or maybe I need to try that?”

This is no different, sales people (the ones who survive long enough to be sales people) are fairly resilient. The fact you’re upset shows you care. Use that, build on it, make it better and a foundation for the next step.

Come on. We have all fucked up at least once; this isn’t the end. Fortunately this doesn’t need to go on your CV, you don’t need their reference, no grievances are raised and this isn’t going to follow you.

Figure out the next step, where you want to go, and be very mindful of how you want to come across when you get there.

PM me if you like :)