To think that 'Are you feeding [your baby]?' is a weird and annoying question?

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I have a two month old, and have found that a lot more people want to have chats with me when I'm out and about with him. Which is nice. However, about 50% of women (particularly older ones) seem to ask either 'are you feeding him?' or 'are you feeding him yourself?'. I always have an urge to say 'nah, we're slowly starving him' - but obviously haven't! I do breastfeed - I can imagine I'd find the question even more annoying and the phrasing even more off if I didn't - and find that then they normally ask how it's going/whether I found it hard to begin with, which feels quite personal. AIBU, grumpy and antisocial to think that this is a weird question? The other frequently asked one that I don't quite understand (because I don't know how I'm supposed to respond is) 'Is he good?'

The 'is she good?' thing is so annoying. IT'S A BABY! How can a baby be 'bad' - what consitutes a good baby? One that sleeps? It's bonkers. Ask how I am, how I'm finding it, just tell me my baby is beautiful even if you think they look like a potato. Good or bad eyeroll

How's the feeding going is probably better

Why are people so touchy? " Is she good? " of course babies aren't bad but some are more settled than others which is obviously what the person asking is referring to.

When people ask if mine is sleeping through I just laugh

YANBU - I find it irritating too! I have a 10week old and I don't mind strangers stopping me to say hello and have a little look etc, but I don't see how it's any of their business how I'm feeding him. I don't mind family/close friends etc asking but strangers in the shops? Mind your own bloody business!

But WHY DOES IT MATTER TO A TOTAL STRANGER?!
A nurse/doctor/health visitor maybe but why does every Tom, dick & Harry you pass in the street need to know how you choose to feed your child? I don't need advice from them, nor do I need a "sympathetic pat on the back". I don't mind people looking at my baby but why do they need to ask personal questions?
(I'm pregnant and hormonal, but I hated it with my DD coz I'd always get the look of shame and disgust when I said she was formula fed)

@coolgirlsnevergetangry we bumped into one of my OH colleagues when our little boy was a few weeks old and during the chat my OH said "Fieau breastfeeds him so shes up quite a lot in the night" to which his colleagues response was "oh so he's having the draught beer rather than bottled" I loved his phrasing and it's stuck with me haha.

^^ this! Just talk about the weather if you need to say anything!

I think it’s a bit like “are you trying?” - it’s a bit of a way to say something without actually using the biological word.

Which is weird, when you think how intrusive the question is in the first place!!

That was in agreement with @Voni2208

I was in the chemists buying some baby wipes and a pharmacist came out from behind her counter and asked if I was breast feeding in front of about ten other people in the shop.

I said yes and the she offered me all her old baby clothes.

It was very bizarre.

I’ve heard the “Are you feeding himself?” question many, many, many times. I always knew they were enquiringly about breast feeding but it’s a very strange way of asking....afterall, I’m pretty sure FF babies are fed by their mothers too?!

Obviously they mean are you breastfeeding.

I don't think it is obvious though. I'd never heard it called that until I had DS. Someone asked if I was feeding him and I was genuinely confused; I had no idea what she was on about - who doesn't feed a baby? Fortunately my Mum was there and recognised the look of confusion on my face and was able to step in and answer for me.

Similarly, when asked if DS was a good baby, I know people were just making conversation but I didn't really understand the question. He slept really well but was colicky in the daytime. I didn't want to go into loads of detail when they were just making chit chat so I wasn't sure what to say.

Omg they are just trying to show an interest and make conversation. Being good obviously means 'how much sleep are you getting' and of course they don't think babies that wake up are 'bad'! It's just an expression. Similarly with the feeding. No need to be obtuse. I hope when I'm older that I can talk to mums about their babies without them over analysing the semantics.

But I don't want sympathy or support from random women on the bus! I actually really like breastfeeding and find it a little annoying that people keep telling me it would be much easier if I formula fed, but if it was a struggle I don't think I'd want to talk about my nipples with strangers! And I genuinely didn't know what people were asking with 'is he good?' - if they're asking if he sleeps much why not just ask that?!

As I said, I do think it's nice that strangers chat to me in a way they didn't before I had a baby, but I don't think it's that oversensitive of me to not want to talk about something quite personal with them. I don't mind the 'how old/ boy or girl/ name/ is it your first' stuff obviously, or a 'and how are you finding things?' but asking about whether I'm breastfeeding just feels intrusive.

Ha my physio asked that when I took a week-old baby in. I obviously looked somewhat puzzled, because she asked me again.. and then said went "of course you are feeding him, what a stupid question "

People asking how feeding is going or how you gave birth or whether or not you had pain relief baffle me.

Unless they are pretty close to you, why on earth do they want to know?!

So many strangers asked me if I was breastfeeding and I think it’s fucking rude and none of their business.

Helpful replies include:

Yep. What are you doing with your breasts?

Or

No I just blend up a kebab with a bit of coke and give it to DC in a bottle. Goodbye.

People used to ask my friend too who then felt she had to explain that she’d had a double mastectomy in her 20s. It used to really upset her.

Oh sorry voni2028 I don't mean I'd say it to a stranger!

I get it op. I felt so unsure with my first that I was quite open to talking about things/getting advice from others. However my pet hate was 'If say he's hungry, is he?' like a red rag to a bull! It felt like a personal attack!

Why are people so touchy?

This. Does it really matter? You probably pissed off parents at some point too.

Just answer the question or say you’d rather not say. Don’t do as a pp suggested and make up supposedly witty and scathing responses or you’ll just look like a twat 🙈

This is one of the things that does irritate you when you're in that post birth hormonally driven pfb stage. Give it a year and you'll probably be able to reply quite cheerfully either way. It really doesn't matter.

It is a really weird way of phrasing it. Fortunately I never encountered it back when DS was little: with my black sense of humour I'd have found it impossible to resist saying something like "nah, I just pop him through the cat flap first thing in the morning and leave him to forage."

I know it doesn't matter either way, that's part of why it's a weird question.

And I assume in a year no one will be asking me this, but I can guarantee either way that in a year I still won't want to talk to strangers about my nipples!

When DS2 was 6 months and already starting solids, I told my aunt "I'm going to bf until he's 2." She said "You are going to give him solids as well aren't you?" Didn't you just see the cauliflower he was chomping on? It's not either or.

Apparently a lot of other languages refer to it as Mothers' milk. I suppose saying breast milk is like asking someone if they want udder milk in their tea