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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if I’ll get my own pet’s ashes back?

42 replies

hooveringhamabeads · 20/09/2018 23:50

My 14 year old dog who was my best friend in the world had to be PTS last week. I opted for a private cremation as I don’t think I will live here forever, so didn’t want to bury him, and also I’d like to get some jewellery made from his ashes so he’s always with me.

It’s just occurred to me that I have no way of knowing that the ashes returned to me are indeed ddogs. The group cremation option was free, but the individual cremation was two hundred and something pounds. So I’d hope that they would respect the owner’s wishes as they are charging a fair bit, but do they?

I’m sorry if this is an insensitive topic but I was hoping maybe someone with some inside knowledge may be able to to put my mind at ease over this.

OP posts:

HypoCali · 21/09/2018 00:15

I can’t answer your question but just wanted to say I’m very sorry you lost your lovely dog

Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2018 00:19

I'm very sorry about your lovely dog. It's so heartbreaking to lose them. I have had 3 pets cremated privately, and I assume I got their ashes, but it isn't something I would waste energy worrying about. It isn't something you have even a shred of control over.

I did know a woman who worked at a crematorium and we discussed their services for pets once. All I can say is that she said they took their job very seriously and had the utmost respect for the deceased and their family. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

HirplesWithHaggis · 21/09/2018 00:26

I posted about my cat a couple of years ago, expressing similar reservations. A poster who actually does pet cremations handed me my arse and assured me that they are indeed as careful about the cremains as any human crem operator. So not quite first hand info, but close.
Maybe she will find this thread too. :)

ConcreteUnderpants · 21/09/2018 08:15

I saw a TV programme about this, and very similarly to the human crematoria, the staff were amazing. So respectful and peaceful. Sweeping up all the ashes with a soft brush to ensure they got every last bit. They really.did imagine that it was their pet/relative and how they'd feel.
Really sorry for your loss.

ToffeePennie · 21/09/2018 09:01

When my parents lost their beloved dog three years ago it was devastating. They went through all the options for cremation of him and eventually ended up chatting to one crematorium owner that they knew really well (my brother and I had been to school with their children).
So he opened his own pet crematorium where every single pet is done individually (it costs just £20 for small animals such as hamsters and rodents, £30 for small dogs and cats and just £50 for large dogs. If I remember the prices correctly the most expensive was shire horses which cost around £90) and you received all their ashes.
He was also kind enough to take a paw print for my parents, shave some hair so my dad could still “stroke” his dog and took some lovely “memory” photos - all part of the service. It was lovely. The only problem is we still can’t decide where to scatter the ashes as he was so beloved!
They have since rescued a new dog and this one will have the same treatment when the time comes!

Original poster

hooveringhamabeads · 21/09/2018 09:11

This is all very reassuring! Thanks to all those who replied. Feel a lot better about it now.

OP posts:

MrsBobBlackadder · 21/09/2018 09:16

We had DCat PTS a couple of months back. We went for the private cremation for the same reasons as you, but I also had the same concerns.

We looked into it and the crematorium went to great lengths to explain the procedure and reassure that each one really was done individually. His ashes now sit in a lovely ornament in the lounge where I chat to him often, just like I used to I miss him dreadfully

Sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking.

cholka · 21/09/2018 09:20

Is the underlying concern that you're wasting money? Yes, you're wasting money. By all means remember your pet but £200 for private cremation plus whatever you're planning to spend on having jewellery made from the ashes (turns my stomach a bit if I'm honest) is a waste of money.

Racecardriver · 21/09/2018 09:26

@cholka really? Time and place cholka. Time and place.

Polkadotdelight · 21/09/2018 09:31

The higher price reflects the extra coats incurred to heat and cool the crematorium for just one animal. I used to work in the veterinary world and there were very tight regulations on this. You can rest assured that it will be your pets ashes that are returned to you. We have always buried ours in my mums garden as we didn't have our forever house until the last few years but as far as a previous poster saying it's a waste of money, it's your money, it's your choice and if it gives you peace then do it

TheHollowLeggedGoat · 21/09/2018 09:33

That's really unkind @cholka !
Lotsof things are a "waste of money". A meal out is a waste of money when you could cook at home. A £90 pair of running shoes is a waste of money when you could get a pair for £25. Buying bedding plants for the garden is a waste of money because they don't last more than a few months. A designer handbag is a waste of money when you could buy something to match your outfit for £15 in New Look. But all these things give you pleasure and therefore they're not a waste, if you wan afford them. Just because YOU wouldn't spend money on the luxury of having a beloved pet cremated doesn't mean that for others that it's not the best money they ever spent.

Enigmam · 21/09/2018 09:35

When we had our 19 year old dog PTS we were assured that they were done individually. The whole process was done with such care that I had no reason to think this wouldn't be the case.

Witchofzog · 21/09/2018 09:38

I am so sorry to hear this op. My ddog is 14 too and I would have the same concerns.

@Cholka a waste of money? What would you do with your pets then?

Sandstormbrewing · 21/09/2018 09:42

Yes, you will, they cremate one pet at a time and it is checked at every stage as to which pet it is. Please try not to worry. And sorry about your loss.

winegal · 21/09/2018 09:45

When we lost our cat in May we were advised that a group cremation you don't get the ashes back but an individual cremation you do.

Sorry for your loss Op

Lucy001 · 21/09/2018 09:49

My friend works at the "local" pet crematorium- there aren't that many so local is a relative term! If you pay for individual cremation then that is absolutely what you get, and in hers you are allowed to go to the crematorium if you wish. Some people have little ceremonies for their pet with family, especially people with children. You have nothing to worry about - your pet will be treated with respect. And as for it being a waste of money... so are human cremations. Have you seen the price of a funeral? If these are things that people want to spend THEIR money on, then they are valid choices. All my dogs have had private cremations, and their ashes and mine will be combined when I die. Personally, I wouldn't touch a Gucci handbag, because that's a waste of money - in my opinion!

ConcreteUnderpants · 21/09/2018 10:06

I can only assume cholka has never lost a beloved pet.
I actually still have my dog's ashes in the cupboard, still in the unopened parcel. I bought a beautiful personalised wooden casket off eBay, but still can't bear to deal with it all a year on.

Glad your mind has been put at ease, OP.
Call the pet bereavement line (can't remember the number offhand, but I got it from the net) if you need to. They were wonderful for me. As cholka has demonstrated, sometimes people don't understand the loss of 'just a pet'.

ConcreteUnderpants · 21/09/2018 10:08

And totally inappropriate, OP, but your username made me smile as that's exactly what I've been doing this morning! Bloody things...almost as bad as glitter!

hendricksy · 21/09/2018 10:12

I do think they give you your animals ashes back . I had my horse put to sleep 20 years ago and they were so lovely . They brought her ashes back to me at my house with a card and it was all very respectful. I paid for a private cremation and it was around £800 . I wanted to scatter her in the place she loved rather than have her chopped up for something or other . I don't think It was a waste of money at all. She was my best friend throughout my childhood and teens and we lived together for 25 years . To do anything less would have felt wrong to me .. I do like animals more than humans though 🤷‍♀️☺️

MrsBobBlackadder · 21/09/2018 10:24

How could it ever be a waste of money to get yourself a reminder of something that you truly loved, that will last forever, and which can remind you of all the times you enjoyed together? That's priceless to me and I would pay the money again - and more - in a heartbeat

Original poster

hooveringhamabeads · 21/09/2018 11:09

Thanks all (except Cholka who is quite unpleasant). It’s been nearly 2 weeks now and it’s slowly getting easier, still haven’t been able to move any of his stuff though. Maybe getting his ashes back will make that easier. I am feeling reassured that I will indeed get ddog back.

OP posts:

tierraJ · 21/09/2018 16:10

Sorry for your loss, I lost my cat in February & although I have a new cat it doesn't stop me grieving for the old one.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 21/09/2018 16:19

I have my cat’s ashes. I find them a reassuring presence. So sorry you’ve lost you’re furry family member.

You defo get your pet! And also they don’t get mixed up. What’s left after the cremation is just the bones which are then put through your cremulator to produce the ashes so you get nothing but your pet and you get absolutely all of your pet.

I hope that’s reassuring!

ToadOfSadness · 21/09/2018 16:32

I am sorry for your loss. Ignore cholka who has just appeared on here to be nasty and has no interest in answering the original question.

I wondered the same thing. I searched online and found a pet crematorium that mentioned this appcc.org.uk/.

I actually used the crematorium because of the detail provided on the website. I was able to say goodbye before going to the cremator and saw him being placed inside. I was aware that I might still not have got my own pet at the end of it, but went away for a few hours and collected him the same day. I did everything I could to get my own pet back.

ToadOfSadness · 21/09/2018 16:36

If it helps, I only recently started putting my pet things away after 2 years, and donating them too.

My other one also was PTS last year and her things are also still around the house.

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