AIBU to ask how often your children have playdates after school?

[howdoyoujuggleitall]

My DD (7) in year 3 has maybe 1 or 2 playdates per half term and I’m now feeling a bit mean I don’t do more. To be honest I find them hard work as my DD (while saying she enjoys them and asking for them) often seems to struggle with them and/or her younger sister gets upset.

For those of you who are more play date savvy – how do you juggle them and also fit in all the requests from school to do reading, spelling and homework. (Now she is in year 3 there seems to be loads of this.) Let along time for the children to chill out and relax?

Maybe one or two a term - we work, so she mostly goes to after school care.

We're too busy with activities to be honest. They see people at those activities. We do a bit more with friends in the summer.

By the time gymnastics, Spanish etc (all stuff they insist on doing) has been done, I couldn't be assed. To be frank.

Same as Minga but to be honest, DD, who is an only and year 1, really struggles to host and has sometimes behaved frightfully so I try to have as few as possible! I'd much prefer to have kids round in the holidays for e.g. an afternoon when I'm feeling up to it, not after work.

None, they sometimes go round for tea and vice versa. That happens once a half term each child on the same day (home visit). School I give one session a month, that seems fair in a class of 26.

DSD is 8 and has never had one or been on one...

I'm terrible and avoid at all costs. Only five in when feel so owe one or I'm backed into a corner. We have same issue as you, I get nagged for them but then DD cries, sulks and clearly struggles. I work 30 hours and quite frankly find it so hard. Other children we have over seen so demanding, and feel like I'm on all the time.

I don’t think about it. I work full time. My son gets educated at school. We see friends at the weekend

Probably every other week with my 10 year old, once a month maybe for 7 year old. It’s often been more, sometimes less. I much prefer summer play dates though where we can stop in the park or throw open kitchen doors and they can play in the garden! The devastation of them being inside during winter months puts me off a bit!!

Never. My three kids go to clubs most nights, and our free time is spent doing homework, music practice, or just playing games together on the Wii. If we have friends over its usually at holidays. Mine are yr8, y4 and y2 so it's difficult to host play dates that don't descend into chaos anyway. I just have more head space in the holiday

Not often, a few times a year.
DS's friends parents work p/t so that affects their avaliabilty.
Between DS1's interventions at school and a far too enthusiastic approach to extra curricular activities, we only have one completely free evening plus the weekends. The rest of his downtime is valuable!
Both his best friends are in the same Beaver pack so he sees them there which is good.

DD has regular play dates with her two best friends (all 8yo). One or two a week, either at their or ours. Last week I hosted 3 in one week! I don’t find it a hassle at all, all I have to do is provide some tea. But she is an only child so doesn’t have issues with siblings, plus I want to facilitate her friendships because of that.

Her friends with siblings often have a play date at the same time so both kids have a pal round, could you do that?

Maybe I am not so mean then . Some of the kids at school seem to do them every week. Including at the weekend! I just think it is all a bit much (for my DD at least) but I don't want DD to miss out and not form strong friendships.

We do a few more, probably one a fortnight or a bit more. But mostly the same couple of friends, all of whom are only children, so actually it helps us parents out as they entertain each other. They are all reciprocated.
Other friends maybe about 4 a term, but yes they are harder work, as the children need more supervising etc .

We don’t do any anymore. Did a couple in reception year and year one but behaviour was always terrible and the kids didn’t always seem to enjoy it! And DS was always knackered the following day/s. He doesn’t request them and I don’t suggest them. We see friends on the weekend and holidays. That’s enough I feel but maybe in the future we’ll do them again. My DS seems to find school, swimming lesson, one after school club and homework quite enough during the week.

The pre-schooler has loads, but the 8 year old doesn’t have that many but does activities after school so sees her friends there. We live in a small town so everyone are “neighbours” practically and nipping over to a friends or to the park for half an hour at the weekend is the norm. We also don’t have school on a Friday afternoon so that is a good time to catch up with friends.

I think it helps strengthen friendships at school, but isn’t essential. Also they are good for when you need a favour e.g. working on a non work day and I want someone to watch the DC I can call in a favour and then repay at a future date.

It depends on the child. DD has them every week or fortnight but DS is a homebody and happy to come home after school and chill.

RiverTam

Re doing playdates for both DDs at the same time. I am considering that - as that seems to be the cause of most tension. But I think younger DDs friends would need parents round too (they have just started school) and I don't know if I want them to witness the carnage if it all goes wrong!! (Think I will have to just get on with it and see how it goes!)

none. never.

At least once a fortnight, more often once a week. My kids are year 4 and 6 but we have a rule that if just one of them has a friend over the other leaves them alone, it makes for far more harmonious play dates.

For 9yr old DS, 1 or 2 a week.
I think as he's an only child we tend to have as many as we can fit in on non-childminder days.

Surprised at replies!
We have 2/3 a week here, either our house or someone else's house.
Dd can't go out to play as we are on a main rd so it's only fair she has someone to play with!
She also does activities during the week but they are straight after school so we generally just bring a friend home after an acivity for two hours and parent collects from me or the opposite way around.
When I was a child I played outside all day with my friends, I think it's important to facilitate friendships outside of school as really they only have yard to play

We're busy with activities 4 days a week, so 1 day spare for play dates. So, once a week.
Sometimes a sleepover on a Saturday too.
My dds primary only give about 20mins homework per week which we do on a Sunday, and don't look at during the week.

Givemeallginat8
Your answer sounds much more like some of the other people at our school. I'm impressed you manage to do this! Can I be nosey and ask how do you get school homework done as well as having all these people round? DD is expected to do reading every night, learn spellings - plus 2 bits of homework at the weekend. It seems silly to curtail a 7 year olds fun because of school work. But she is expected to fit it all in somehow.

About every couple of weeks. I really like the dc having friends back to ours.

We do a friend or friend and sibling most weeks here for one or other friend. About 3 x a week they play in the close so will dash in and out of houses or play in.betwen.

I wouldnt want to be so programmed with activitiea they didnt have time to play unstructured. But they do like activities...!