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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask how often your children have playdates after school?

50 replies

howdoyoujuggleitall · 20/09/2018 21:33

My DD (7) in year 3 has maybe 1 or 2 playdates per half term and I’m now feeling a bit mean I don’t do more. To be honest I find them hard work as my DD (while saying she enjoys them and asking for them) often seems to struggle with them and/or her younger sister gets upset.

For those of you who are more play date savvy – how do you juggle them and also fit in all the requests from school to do reading, spelling and homework. (Now she is in year 3 there seems to be loads of this.) Let along time for the children to chill out and relax?

OP posts:

Queenofthedrivensnow · 20/09/2018 22:20

At least ok e a week. Another parent has kindly taken over after school childcare one day a week for me because the kids are such good friends and in the same 2 year groups. We are very lucky

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 20/09/2018 22:23

My dd is only in her second year of school, she's nearly 6 so she only gets ten minutes of homework a night. She also doesn't mind doing it so luckily I don't have that battle ( at the moment !)
Her friends also keep baby dd entertained so it's a win win!
I also don't worry to much about dinner, I serve whatever we would be having anyway and they can eat if they want or sometimes I just do cheese toasties and a few grapes or something!
It's no hassle really and dd really enjoys it and I enjoy when it's the other way around! So I get 1/2 afternoons free to spend with the baby!

DeborahDowner · 20/09/2018 22:24

We try for one after school play date a week as we are trying to broaden and deepen friendships in the class. DH does this as his schedule is more flexible & and is a fave with the other parents as he always collects from school, does homework with the children so their parents don’t have to later, feeds them and does a fun activity like slime making etc if they want. As they are in the same class it’s the same HW so easy to manage and the healthy competition means they are keen to do it together, and he makes it fun. DH is awesome !

Lizzie48 · 20/09/2018 22:26

We've got neighbours with DDs, so we've always arranged play dates with them for our DDs (9 and 6). Just as well, as DD1 doesn't get invited to parties or to friends' houses, unlike DD2.

It's great for DD1 in particular for us to arrange these play dates, as it gives her the chance to learn to relate to other children.

But then, my DDs are both adopted and I'm a SAHM, so I have time to invest in this. For working parents, I can well imagine that it can be a pain to arrange play dates.

Original poster

howdoyoujuggleitall · 20/09/2018 22:28

Debrahdowner
Your husband gets both children to do their homework on their playdate! Wow - I wish dd had playdates like this .

OP posts:

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 20/09/2018 22:28

None. I’m not back from work until after 6pm so my dd is in wraparound care until my dh gets her at about 5.45.

Neolara · 20/09/2018 22:30

2 or 3 a week. But everyone lives round the corner and until last week I wS a sahm.

MoonlightMedicine · 20/09/2018 22:34

Usually once or twice a week but this is either because I’m doing another parent a favour or because I want to socialise with my friend and her kids and mine play together. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t do it anywhere near as often!

DeborahDowner · 20/09/2018 22:34

I know! He’s great and the other parents are always so keen for our play dates for some reason...! He’d have loved to have been a teacher in another life! Loves to play the part with them.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2018 22:42

In answer to how do you get everything done - if you do the pick up yourself from school, then theres about 5 hours between pick up and bed time. 1 hour extra curricular activity (ballet/swimming/brownies/whatever) 2 hours play date plus tea, 1/2 hour reading and spellings, still leaves 1 and a half hours free.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2018 22:44

My experience of play dates is quite different to those often on mn - they're not a chore whatsoever, easier in fact. I never see the girls ( since they were about 5 yo) they're off playing somewhere, I call them for tea, but that's all I have to do.

combatbarbie · 20/09/2018 22:48

Not many, however we live in a t style street that is safe and they often are out playing with other kids until dinner

MyOtherProfile · 20/09/2018 22:49

Couple of playdates a week for my primary age daughter and none for my secondary age son because he sorts his own social life out. He probably meets friends after school a couple of times a week.
Homework in primary? Well I don't really believe in spending too much time on that in primary. Reading we always did at bedtime but she just reads her own books now.

MyOtherProfile · 20/09/2018 22:49

This. I love playdates for this reason.

Boatsnack3 · 20/09/2018 22:50

We used to do one a week or so but dd also has activities a couple of nights. She is an only child so actually having friends over is a break for me they entertain each other. She's 9 now and goes to youth club or the park with her friends so I don't have them over as much.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 20/09/2018 22:54

we only do one per half-term. I only do school pick-up twice weekly - they're in wraparound or at MIL's other nights. One night we have a sports thing, which leaves one night free, and I'm buggered if I'm having someone round on our free evening every week. Plus I need to coordinate both DC having someone on the same night, as if one has a friend and one doesn't it's a recipe for violence disaster.

Boatsnack3 · 20/09/2018 22:54

Forgot to mention our school do homework grids pick 6 activities a month and weekly spelling not hard to fit in, sometimes we'll do an art question from the grid together as a play date activity then the girls can present this together in class. Reading gets done at bedtime.

RSTera · 20/09/2018 22:56

My 8yo DS plays with his friends most nights, but only the friends that live in the neighbouring houses and I certainly don't organise it. They just knock for each other and play where they feel like playing.

Thatstheendofmytether · 20/09/2018 22:59

None really. I'm a childminder so just can't really be bothered looking after other people's children if I get a day off just want it to by my kids. I know that sounds really bad and I feel pretty guilty about it sometimes.

tigercub50 · 20/09/2018 23:00

Not many for DD9 in termtime. I find them quite hard as I feel on edge a lot of the time ( DD has challenging behaviours & can get extremely silly in front of her friends). The best ones are when her boyfriend comes round as they get on brilliantly & tend not to mess about. DD has activities too so they can sometimes be enough

elQuintoConyo · 20/09/2018 23:10

None. DS is nearly 8yo.

We'll hang out with his friends (and their parents) in a park near the school and then we'll get the bus home. At the moment there's a festival on, so tomorrow we'll get home around midnight.

DS only has one activity on a weekday. Oh, one afternoon a week i'll take him to a different park to meet 2 friends who go to a different school. 3 boys they all get on really well, no fighting.

We do have bbqs and things at weekends and invite one or two schoolfriends round, but only 2-3 x year.

Xmasbaby11 · 20/09/2018 23:24

Maybe 1 or 2 a term for my dd in y2. Most days she's in childcare and we get home at 5.30 so no time for play dates. I do kbow people who do regular ones but only if the parents work short days and kids usually come straight home from school.

Original poster

howdoyoujuggleitall · 20/09/2018 23:25

Very envious of those of you who do playdates where the children just go off nicely and play together . I seem to have to do and awful lot of intervening to keep it on track - stop the DDs from fighting over the visiting child etc!

OP posts:

FetchezLaVache · 20/09/2018 23:35

Exactly the same answer as RSTera!

Fullofregrets33 · 20/09/2018 23:41

I tend to do none. I have tried in the past for my son who is 7 but they go crazy, make such a mess, bad behaviour, my son ends up being cheeky to me in front of friend. He has a younger sister so you either have to keep her away or she wants to be involved.
Shes just started reception so I'm expecting her to ask soon. I don't mind them going to other people's houses though

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