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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To NOT pay for adult DD to go abroad?

144 replies

OllieRhys · 20/09/2018 16:35

She's 22 and wants to do a volunteering program abroad (she's an unemployed graduate).

We can afford it (my husband and I) - it's £6,000 for 6 months.

She hasn't asked us, just expressed a huge interest. DH thinks we absolutely should pay for it. I personally think at 22 she should get a job and save.

Thanks.

OP posts:

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 20/09/2018 22:44

If dd had exciting one off opportunity to go somewhere exciting I'd try and pay.

Why is it a one off opportunity, and why does paying £1,000 a month to "volunteer" represent better value for money than just travelling?

This is £1,000 a month that you're paying for the "volunteering experience", i.e. for the privilege of giving your time. You may or may not be getting your accommodation and meals included in that, but it'll be the kind of accommodation and meals that would cost you a lot less than £30 a day if you were just travelling around enjoying the scenery.

There is absolutely nothing to stop you buying a plane ticket to the same place and spending the same money just on food and meals.

There is no compelling evidence that doing the volunteering benefits either the local community or the person's CV. So why bother?

Stay at home, work for 6 months, if you want to volunteer, volunteer in your local community or become a Samaritan or a counsellor for Childline (I bet this would look a million times better on your CV) and then use the money you've earned during that time to pay for a really awesome holiday. (Paid for through your own hard work, not bankrolled by your parents.)

M0veOntheG0 · 21/09/2018 08:56

I've done various volunteering in UK and never paid to do it. However, I've had to pay my own travel and accommodation for the things that were not local

Satsumaeater · 21/09/2018 09:02

If she wants to be a solicitor and she wants to volunteer at camp America type thing or painting a school in Africa then it's not that relevant to her career and may only slightly improve her prospects. However, if it's volunteering with legal assistance with death Row prisoners/some sort of EU law assistance then that would help her career

I disagree - the work experience you get does not have to be directly relevant - law firms are interested in transferable skills and you can learn a lot more about life and the workplace by working in a shop or a cafe than you can doing legal placements which involve a lot of photocopying.

I think the OP's dd should think very carefully about whether the placement is an expensive holiday or something actually useful.

I'd look for a job, save some money and then have an extended holiday. If she wants to volunteer she could work in a charity shop as someone has said or help out at local sports events or a myriad of other local options whether charity or community events.

bruffin · 21/09/2018 09:20

DD just came back from Camp America and she came out even. Cost her about £700 then got a pay of about $1000 at the end. Really hard work and she said there are more lows than highs, but she loved it and thinking about doing it again. We didnt pay for it, although made sure she had access to funds for emergencies

finn1020 · 21/09/2018 09:31

It sounds a bit like a self indulgent holiday. At 22 I would expect she should be paying for it. Has she worked in a regular casual job yet? At that age I’d be expect her to have some sort of job even if she was/is studying too.

meeeeps58 · 21/09/2018 10:12

So she's a graduate, struggling to find work in the UK and has an interest in travel?

Why don't you forget the 6k 'experience' and instead give her about a quarter of that for a CElta or similar TEFL course? Honestly with demand in China among other countries for English speaking graduates to do (often not badly) paid work, it amazes me that so many fork out thousands for these projects which are often shown as helping the local community even less than the volunteer. Tbh, she could probably find a TEFL job oversees with just a degree, but best get the qualification to find more reputable companies.

That way if she wants to volunteer abroad, she can do so after or alongside her paid job. Having boots on the ground will help her assess which local projects are most ethical and useful for the type of experience she wants, and she will have a skill which makes her an asset rather than a burden

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/09/2018 10:19

I wonder what happened to OP ... ?

IrmaFayLear · 21/09/2018 10:20

Dn did one of these. Cost a fortune. In addition, all the necessary jabs cost about £500! Sil was trumpeting about dn "helping" the local community, but really it was merely a holiday dressed up as something worthy.

I would definitely not pay for ds to do this. Unemployed graduate? There are masses of temporary jobs available. Not graduate careers as such, but jobs paying enough to save up to do an "experience".

livefornaps · 21/09/2018 10:43

Does she even know what hard physical labour is?

Get her a few shifts stacking shelves monotonously for 12 hours.

Or running round a restaurant carrying hot and heavy plates while everyone yells at you

That'll be the making of her

livefornaps · 21/09/2018 10:45

And might I add, every time I see one of these holidays trying to pass off as "experience" I actually laugh out loud and put that CV in the bin. Then laugh some more. Pile o' shite.

Karigan198 · 21/09/2018 10:48

She’s going to spend her entire life tied into the hamster wheel of work and responsibility. If I could afford to give my child a 6 month gap to follow a dream I would. Remember in due course you’re going to be relying on her for help as you get old. Are you going to sit there at 80 as she gives up more stuff to help you thinking i wish I’d given her the chance to do that when she could.

MrsJayy · 21/09/2018 10:48

When Dd was a senior in high school they did a voluntourism to Africa to paint a classroom it cost a fortune for those that went. I just don't understand how a day at a school painting 1 wall and having selfies with African children is volunteering why is it talked up why cant they say they are having a safari holiday which it basically was

passwordfailure · 21/09/2018 10:48

If it helps her consolidate her degree (some of them, including mine, are pretty useless as a standalone) and get a job then yes, as you can afford it. I would view it as finishing off her education. If it is a little bit wanky and has no future job related value then no.

Haireverywhere · 21/09/2018 10:53

I would contribute towards it if she was working and saving herself, especially if she's living independently. If she was not working or you pay her rent and bills etc already and I wouldn't be prepared to fund it.

SlimDogMillionaire · 21/09/2018 10:57

I dunno, depends. Is it something that she'll be able to use to further her chances of getting a job in the field she wants? Can you pay for some and loan her the rest?

Foodylicious · 21/09/2018 10:57

God no.
These voluntary projects are often only run to keep them going iyswim?
As in the conditions in an orphanage for example are kept bad/not improved to keep the business going.

Also, £6k!!! Regardless of whether you can 'afford' it or not, is a huge sum of money.

Depending on where she chooses to live, that couk6d go along way towards a deposit for a house, a reliable car, or further studies.

To spend it on a 6 month 'break' is a bit sickening tbh.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 21/09/2018 11:06

Are you going to sit there at 80 as she gives up more stuff to help you thinking i wish I’d given her the chance to do that when she could.

You do realise the OP's daughter has the chance to do all these things, whether the OP bankrolls it or not? The freedom/opportunity isn't the issue, the issue is who pays for it. And £6,000 that the OP bungs her daughter now to go on a voluntourism holiday is £6,000 which will probably be fairly quickly forgotten by the OP's daughter since she hasn't had to work for it and so doesn't yet understand how hard you have to work and for how long to earn that kind of money, and £6,000 which won't be available in 5 years' time if the OP would like to give her daughter some money towards her wedding or first house purchase.

LisaDav · 21/09/2018 11:15

From the age of 16, I was providing for myself. My mum refused to pay for anything as soon as I was old enough to get a job. I'm now 26, and just bought my own house without any help from my parents. You need to tell her that you don't have that kind of money and if she wants to go, she needs to go out and earn the money.

Maybugger · 21/09/2018 12:05

It's ridiculous paying out £6k!
In my opinion it's alongside these schemes where you have to raise funds for your own flight etc and more, to climb Kilomanjaro or wherever.
Why should anyone donate to give A.N.Other a freebie trip abroad, all expenses paid by others' charitable donations?
CFs.

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