To distance myself from friend because of toxic behavior

[NameC123]

A friend of mine is obsessed with her fiancés ex, a perfectly harmless woman to which her fiancé has a DS(9). She uses every opportunity to be quite vile about her and more often than not (I and one other close friend) are her sounding board when she wants to have a moan. This is most days and she'll go a step further send photos of the woman ripping holes into how she looks or what she's wearing EG "look at how fat she looks"

The lady hasn't done anything wrong, she's settled down with a partner and newborn and doesn't cause any problems for friend and her fiancé. Access to fiancés DS is amicable and he and friend have him every weekend and one night in the week, friend is close to fiancés DS and the mum has no problem with friend being a big part of her DS life. Friend is goady on social media about how she does so much for the child, then privately messages me and others in our friendship group saying how he'd be so much better off living with them full time.

Friend seems to be insecure in her relationship as she and fiancé have struggled to conceive, she goes above and beyond to paint a "happy families" picture on the internet then will ask me and other friends to comment smushy remarks on their pictures so "fiancés ex will see it" despite there being no evidence to suggest she's ever been jealous.

The pinnacle for me came yesterday when after another rant about her, friend said she hopes she dies whilst on holiday. I don't recognize what my friend has become and have never seen her act so cruel toward anyone else, I find her constant slagging off very draining and am struggling to just roll my eyes like I usually would. I don't like confrontation or wanted to get involved so haven't stuck up for the woman until now but have now sent a message saying she needs to grow up and stop being so cruel.

She seems to love fiancés DS but does complain about his behavior a lot which she says is down to the mother's parenting, she and fiancé have argued a fair bit over him not disciplining / addressing his son and letting him be disrespectful.

I don't know whether her fiancé knows she's wished his child's mother dead but my guess would be probably, she's very outspoken and I can't see her hiding her resentment in front of fiancé.

She seems to enjoy it when fiancé and DS mother disagree about something and comes to us saying "He's fuuuuming with her he's going mad!" But I do wonder whether that's just to open the gates to slag her off again because the fiancé is that laid back he's horizontal and I can't see him "going mad" about anything.

They almost split up earlier in the year because friend said he'd had enough of the arguments and her being argumentative, they reconciled and stayed together but I think this relationship has brought out the worst in her, through no fault of her fiancés I just think she clearly struggles with jealousy issues and has bitten off more than she can chew when choosing to commit to a man with a child

I've always known her as a kind loving and decent human being, I don't recognise who she is at the moment.

I know their conception struggles get to her and she's desperate for a baby and my heart goes out to her but its not right to project all of her pain onto somebody who's just minding their own business

Her fiancés ex is happily settled down with a new partner and they have a baby together, she's not interested in friends fiancé but friend must still feel threatened

If this is very ooc for her then i would be worried for her as well.

It sounds like it would be best for everyone if they broke up. Has she text or called you anymore?

If she contacts you again with her self-justifying shit tell her what you said in your OP. Tell her you don't recognise the jealous petty bitch that she's become, that you can't believe she could even have thought what she said about the mum dying on holiday, that far from the child being better off living with your friend the child would be far far better off having no contact with her at all.

Maybe she'll reflect on her behaviour as a result, and thank you in the end.

I've always known her as a kind loving and decent human being, I don't recognise who she is at the moment.

I would say this to her. Couch it in terms that you are concerned about her. She's causing herself more trouble than she is anyone else. It's hardly a recipe for happiness.

TBH I'd be tempted to have a word with the fiancé and suggest he might want to think about if he's doing the right thing. Or that he should ask her to get counselling before they get married.